“Of course. Anything for Merrik.” Fieran sat again to put on his boot, concentrating almost too much on the movements.
Pip lingered at his side, her stomach churning more with every moment. All this talk of Merrik was just going to remind him of all the reasons they shouldn’t be together. She’d distracted him, and Merrik had lost his leg because of it.
As Illyna hurried off, saying something about passing along the measurements, Fieran gestured toward a lift, which sat to one side of the wooden wall blocking off the back corner of the space. “Anyway. Uh, let’s head for the garden.”
Fieran shuffled toward the lift. As soon as he stepped inside, he leaned against the cage wall next to the lift controls as if he needed the extra support.
“Should you be walking this much?” Pip halted on the other side, torn between going to him and keeping some space.
“Probably not.” Fieran gave a smile and a shrug as he tugged the control lever up. The magically-powered motor engaged, gears spun, and the cable lifted the cage from the ground. “But I was just pumped full of healing magic. I’ll be fine.”
They remained silent as the lift rose higher and higher until they passed through the ceiling into a glass-enclosed structure on the roof.
As Fieran brought the lift to a halt, then locked it in place, Pip gaped around at the greenhouse filled with a variety of plants, both herbs and blooming flowers, stretching before them. “Louise said there was a garden on this roof, but I didn’t expect…this.”
“Aunt Illyna has been expanding it for years.” Fieran led the way off the lift into the sweltering greenhouse, walking the gravel path between the plants. “It started as a garden for the herbs she uses for making her elven shampoos and conditioners. But then she added the flowers for the scents and eventually transformed the whole roof into a place to relax here in the bustle of Aldon.”
“It’s amazing.” Pip stopped to smell a few of the flowers as she followed Fieran through the greenhouse. She recognized some of them, like roses, but others she couldn’t name. She might be half elf, but she’d grown up surrounded by trains and mechanics. While she could recognize and name trees, she wasn’t as familiar with other plants.
Fieran reached the outer greenhouse door and pushed it open, holding it for her while he stepped aside.
She strolled into the sunlight, the summer warmth feeling almost cool after the heat inside the greenhouse. Outside, the whole rooftop was one big garden with even more herbs and plants.
Fieran let the door swing closed and tottered off down a path that led around the greenhouse. “A few of the other roofs have been turned into spaces for various yard games, but Dacha and Uncle Iyrinder have been talking about trying to convert some of the other empty roofs into more green spaces.”
“That would be nice. Spots of green in all of this.” Pip gestured at the skyline of Aldon stretching before them, a patchwork of brick buildings, tiled roofs, and chimneys. “Not that I mind all the brick and stone the way some elves would.”
To one side, the city center had more green swaths, from the expansive back gardens of the nobles’ townhouses to the various public parks. Winstead Palace formed a large section of green amid all the brick, including a small forest, and the famous Kingsley Gardens created a patch of vibrant color.
“No. I don’t either.” Fieran turned into a small alcove formed by a rose-covered arbor shading a backless wooden bench. He lowered himself to sit on it with a stifled sound that might have been a groan, leaning the cane next to him.
Pip sat on the other end of the bench, leaving enough space between them that only their knees briefly bumped when she half-turned to face him.
This was it. She couldn’t put off this conversation any longer. Not that she wanted to linger in this slow misery of uncertainty, but she wasn’t sure she’d like the fallout either.
She hated this. Hated the person she became in moments like this. She could be so confident with a wrench in her hand, but the moment she had to deal with any kind of personal conflict, she quailed like a wilting flower.
Her chest tightened, and she stared at her hands in her lap, too cowardly to meet his gaze. “Fieran, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I distracted you. You were right. I shouldn’t have—”
“Shh. Pip.” Fieran gripped her shoulders, gentle and yet firm enough that she couldn’t help but peek up at him. His brilliant blue eyes held hers with an intensity she’d rarely seen from him. “It’s not your fault.”
“But I—” She couldn’t speak around the lump rising in her throat. She couldn’t break. Not now. Yet the tears building in her chest didn’t seem to be listening.
“No. No, Pip. Don’t blame yourself. Please.” Fieran’s thumbs rubbed the tops of her shoulders, a soothing motion that dragged her gaze back to him.
“But I demanded that conversation right then. I should have waited. I—” Her head was whirling, her chest caving in.
“And you wouldn’t have needed to demand that conversation if I’d handled things better from the start. That’smyfault, not yours.” Fieran held her gaze, not a trace of a smile to his mouth. “If anything, I was the one distracting you. As soon as I landed, I was back to standby. You were the one with actual work to do.”
“And I should have been doing it.” A tear trickled down her face, hot against her skin. “Not demanding a conversation.”
Fieran released one of her shoulders and brushed away her tear with the backs of his fingers. “You couldn’t have known we were about to be attacked. Our aeroplanes weren’t supposed to go back up until the next day. Besides, we were talking for what, five minutes? Maybe ten? How many aeroplanes would you have inspected in that time? Keep in mind, you didn’t know an attack was coming. You wouldn’t have been rushing.”
She closed her eyes, mentally running through her inspection routine. “One. Maybe.”
Which aeroplane would she have inspected? In the chaos after the battle, she hadn’t heard if any other pilots had crashedbecause of mechanical failures. Perhaps no one knew, given how many had been shot down once Fieran had crashed. Had a pilot died because of her?
“And would you have had a chance to even fix any problems you found in your inspection?” Fieran’s tone remained comfortingly steady, keeping Pip from fully falling apart.
