“It’s easier not to remember,” I say, my voice falling off even now.
“Maybe remembering the good and appreciating having her in your life, even for such a short time, would help you heal.”
“I have healed.”
“No, you haven’t. I’m not sure how you could ever be fullyhealed, not after losing a child. But you can live again, if you allow yourself to.”
I fall into a silence, allowing the rhythm of the gorja to soothe me, but it’s not until Tansey lays her hand over mine that I speak again. “I don’t know how,” I whisper.
Her hand squeezes mine, which, oddly enough, soothes me.
“Tell me about your daughter. What was her name?”
“Veeya. She would have been Ethan’s age, had she survived.”
“More, Verig. Tell me everything. Did she have little tusks? A braid like Evve’s? What did she look like?”
“I…I can no longer remember all the details of her face.” I’ve never confessed this to another, as the shame is too hard to bear.
“Sure, you do. Close your eyes, and let yourself think about holding her.” Tansey takes the reins from my hand. “Start with her eyes, or her smile. Rebuild her face, feature by feature.”
“I should remember her without having to work at it.”
“You do remember her. But you’re afraid to face her. You have to remember her, Verig, because she’s counting on you. We both are.”
I let my mind wander to when I’d take Veeya riding on my gorja, how her face would light up the faster we rode. Suddenly, I see all of her. “She had the most captivating smile I’ve ever seen on a youngling.”
“I knew you couldn’t forget her. She’ll always be in your heart. Let her be a source of strength for you.”
“Is this why you are here, female? To torture me because I have not suffered enough?”
She twists her torso to face me the best she can atop my gorja. “You really think that?”
I capture her lips because whether I’m right or wrong does not matter. This female cares enough to keep Veeya alive for me, in the only way possible.
The kiss continues longer than wise, considering we’re balanced on a two-ton beast that could throw and trample us, butmy mount is well trained and could travel this route blindfolded and asleep. Plus, he’s following the cart.
When I release her lips, Tansey cups my cheek and says, “I never meant to hurt you.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong, female. I am the one who?—”
Her hand covers my mouth. “Don’t say it. Your heart was in the right place. And you’ve been so good to Ethan. I want you in his life, Verig. And mine.”
“You will stay with me? With my people?”
She hesitates, which tells me she’s still conflicted.
It takes her a second or two, but she smiles and says with determination, “I want to move back in with you.”
I love her enthusiasm, but her words don’t tell me she’s decided to stay, only that she’ll sleep in my chambers instead of the women’s quarters while she remains at Mount Racha. The question is if she still plans to return to her people in New Earth.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
TANSEY
Dark clouds roll in as we enter Pen’Kesh. I’m hoping we’ll leave by the time it storms. The lightning on Kovos terrifies me, mostly because there are no places to truly hide from the strikes. Trees and water dominate the planet, which often results in a fantastic and deadly display of nature. It’s truly the one time I prefer to be in the tunnels beneath Mount Racha.
Verig’s hands land on my hips.
