“I am not perfect, Tansey. I have much to learn. But just so we are clear, I’m doing this for the youngling, not for you or me.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
TANSEY
“Verig is upset with me, and I’m not entirely sure why,” I say to Paloma, where we sit by a tree on the edge of camp where she nurses the twins. “I get it. I was harsh on him for bringing Ethan here. But my son will never be treated as an equal to the orcs. I have every right to be mad.”
“He did it to make you happy,” Paloma says.
“He didn’t think about what I wanted for Ethan. What isrightfor him.”
“Maybe he did. You’ve spoken of nothing except being with Ethan again. He could not take you back to New Earth. Atox would have flipped out if he’d done that.”
“But Atox punished him anyway for disobeying him and bringing Ethan here. What’s the difference if Verig had disobeyed by taking me back?”
“You could have given Council intel about the orcs. Everything from location to numbers, weaknesses. Even if you never intended it, they’d find a way to make you talk. Hell, Tansey, they would have used Ethan against you.”
“They wouldn’t have,” I object, even though I suspect she’s right.
I wring my hands for the thousandth time and look over my shoulder at where Ethan’s playing with two orc girls. One is Evve, who’s two years older than he is and very grown up for her age. Despite how responsible she appears, kids get in trouble the second adults stop watching.
“Have you spoken with Verig since he returned with Ethan?” Paloma adds, as she removes Reina from her breast and places the sleeping girl next to her brother on a fur between us.
“Not really. The closest we came was by the gorja pen when Yanzu got pushy with me. Verig intervened and put Yanzu in his place. I think I caused more trouble for Verig just by being there. Maybe that’s why he refuses to speak to me.”
“Or it’s what you said when he brought Ethan here.”
“I stand by everything I said.”
“I wasn’t there to hear it, but Phoebe told me everything.” Paloma bites her lip, stalling.
“Out with it. What aren’t you saying?”
“You yelled at him that he didn’t know what it was like to be a parent, that he had no clue what it meant to care about or love a child.”
“I was angry with him. He had no idea what I was going through, worrying about and missing Ethan. I was fucking terrified I’d never see him again.”
“He knows, Tansey. Better than anyone. He was married before.”
“I know about Haaka. I’m sure losing the woman he loved was heart-wrenching for him, but it’s not the same. I’m talking about a child, Paloma. You’re a mother now. You must know what I mean.”
“And so does Verig. He had a little girl. She was killed with her mother in the attack.”
My heart shatters as if someone took a sledgehammer to it. I never imagined, never even thought to ask him if he had any children.
“Oh, god. I said he didn’t deserve to have kids,” I say, wiping the tears streaming down my face.
Paloma grips my hand. “You didn’t know.”
“That’s no excuse!”
“If you care about him, like I think you do, let him know it. Lay it all on the line. For all of your sakes. His, yours, and Ethan’s.”
I walk away from Paloma in a haze of self-contempt and doubt, reflecting on everything I’ve said to Verig since I met him. When I reach the spot where Ethan and the girls were playing, they’re gone.
“Ethan?” I call out. Several orcs turn to me. One points down a path through the woods.
Terror fills me all over again as I break into a run, searching for him. Finally, I hear the laughter of children echoing through the trees.
