“This is just horrible,” Mom said, wringing her hands.“That poor man.That poor, poor man.Two Santas falling off a cliff?What are the odds?”
“The elves better watch out,” my father joked.“They must be next.”
“That is in extremely poor taste,” my mother told him with a grimace.“I’ll pray for you, Will.”
My father seemed to be in as much trouble as Henry.
Death didn’t bring out the best in people.
Dad winced.“Sorry.Couldn’t resist.”
“Well, try harder.Sophie, you need to go and make Cameron some tea.He was beside himself.”
“Probably because he’s worried about financial liability,” I said, before I realized that was a thought better left to myself.
Now I was in trouble too.
Mom’s jaw dropped.“That was also inappropriate.You know, right now I’m wondering if you even deserve a man like Cameron.”
I was wondering that myself, for entirely different reasons.
“Now, come on,” my father said.“That’s a little harsh.”
“Do I hear my name being called?”I asked, pretending to cock my head.“Yes, yes, that’s—I’m coming!”I called to no one in particular, rushing toward the steps of the inn.
I left my parents arguing.
When I got on the porch I realized that Daphne and Vance were also arguing.
“How could you say that to me?”Daphne demanded, her face flushed with anger.“I loved Nick!”
“You sure didn’t love that he was smoochy-smooch with Ashley yesterday,” Vance said.“Maybe you gave him the ‘ole heave ho!Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that.”
“That’s reprehensible!I would never…and why are you so choked up?You didn’t even like him!”
“The man was a fine, fine actor.He honestly made me believe he suffers from hemorrhoids in his last commercial.Talent like that shouldn’t go to waste.”
Daphne started softly crying.“He really did seem like he had hemorrhoids.”
I paused awkwardly as I passed them on the front porch.“I’m so sorry to hear about Nick.Is there anything I can do?”
Her face immediately went from distressed to flushed with anger.“You can tell the owner of this Hell Hotel to put up a guardrail or something!I almost died running down those steps to get to my Nicky.”
He was her “Nicky” now?Mere hours ago she thought he was a complete jerk.Death did funny things to the perception of a person.Also, Henry was right—Daphne had already given The Captain’s Inn an unflattering nickname.
“Did you see him fall?”
Daphne gasped.“My God, that’s insensitive.No!I wasn’t even looking for him.I just went for a stroll along with your famed craggy rocks and bucolic shoreline and I found Nicky’s crumpled body.A physique that gorgeous just…destroyed.”
She threw her hand onto her forehead.
She actually threw her hand onto her forehead.Like she was on stage.
I decided that the Boston thespians were an even whackier bunch than any actor I’d met in LA and I had done a commercial with Lambchop.
“Such a shame.I’m sorry for your loss,” I said and got the heck out of there.I went into the inn and immediately heard Justin’s voice.
He was pacing in the parlor, his phone at his ear.“No, I’m sorry, I can’t watch season two episode four of Riverdale with you tonight, Brandy.There’s been an accident.”
