“No, it’s you who doesn’t understand. I never thought of us as over, just apart.”
“So you stayed celibate all these years?” She challenges with a raised eyebrow.
The other eyebrow joins it when I nod. “Yes, I did. If you could make that sacrifice, so could I. I wanted to have something to offer you when I returned. It was a small price to pay when I didn’t want anyone else.”
“So for fifteen years…”
“No,” a muscle in my jaw twitches like a bomb counting down before it explodes. “Not fifteen. The night you got married, I got so drunk I could barely see. I met a woman at the bar and fucked her. It was rough and angry, but I didn’t care, and thankfully, neither did she. After that, I came back to my senses. I woke up in a strange hotel room and had to convince myself not to put a bullet in my head.”
“No…”
“Yes. I had a few more nights of blackout drinking. Then I told Marco not to give me any more updates. I didn’t want to see pictures of you and our son, let alone pictures of all three of you together. It took me another year or two to be genuinely happy for you. To accept that all I wanted was your happiness, even if it wasn’t with me.”
“I never meant to hurt you,” she says softly.
“And I never meant to hurt you,” I repeat. “It was the hardest thing I ever did—sending you away—but it was the only way to keep you safe. And now we’re here.”
“I know.” She takes a deep breath. “What do we tell Chris?”
“The truth,” I say simply as if it’s easy. As if we haven’t been through hell and back. But it’s the only way to move forward, the only way for him to understand. “He’s a smart kid; he deserves nothing less. It might be tough for him at first, but… he’ll figure it out.”
“And what do we do until then?” She chews on her lip again. “I mean, we can’t stay in the same room; we won’t make it through the week.”
“No,” I agree. “We won’t.”
“I’ll sleep in one of the other bedrooms and let you have the master.”
“That’s not necessary.” I shrug. “I won’t bother you. Just know that I’m right next door if you need me.”
Her dark brown eyes watch me, searching for vulnerabilities. Then she shakes her head, turns on her heel, and heads for the door. “I’ll check on Chris.”
“Give me a few minutes, and I’ll join you. He should hear from both of us.” She nods and does that lip-biting thing again, which challenges my promise not to touch her.
My nostrils flare in an angry puff before I can rein my emotions back into the stone that has helped me survive them. “I know, and we can discuss that…” My lips sneer around the world, refusing to acknowledge, even in words, her marriage. “…We can discuss the matter later. “
“Nothing to discuss. He was here, and you weren’t.” Before I can jump in, she flips up a hand. “The fact doesn’t change because of the reason.”
I can’t argue with that, and I’m not going to try. Not right now.
“I haven’t ever been a father, but I know enough to understand that we can’t walk in there without being on the united front. So, what do we tell our son?”
“Before we get to that, I want to make something clear.” She barely comes to the top of my shoulder, but she stares me straight in the eyes and says, “I don’t want a relationship with you.” She must realize we’re in one because she qualifies her words. “At least not a romantic one. We had our chance, and it didn’t work out. I’m not here for a do-over. You want me. I want you. We once had something powerful, but it ended. Our bodies might remember—”
“—could never forget.”
“But,” she continues, ignoring the truth. “We’re not those kids anymore. I have never jumped into bed with a man who got me feeling warm and fuzzy, and I never would. I’m here to protect my family. Keep me and my son safe. Safe from a danger you brought on us, by the way. So if we have to share this house, that’s fine. Sharing a bed—out of the question. Don’t put your hands on me like that again.”
“And if I do… What happens if I can’t be in the same room with you and not touch you?”
She rolls her eyes. “You controlled yourself for fifteen years. I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
“That was before I saw you again. Felt you.” I step closer. “Now that I’ve tasted you…”
Her eyes go wide. She hadn’t expected that. “Sal…” She bites her lip. The tip of her pink tongue comes out to dab at the slight wound.
I force my hands to stay at my side. They want to reach for her, pull her close, and hold her. But she’s not ready. And I don’t think she ever will be. She’s as lost to me as she was before. A door slammed in my face. A light turned off. And I’m not sure how to turn it on again.
“Don’t do this. You’ve come back into our lives and upended everything. Could you make me want you? Yes. I’m mature enough to admit it. But I know that there’s no future for us. You were right. All those years ago, when you sent us away, you made the right decision. I couldn’t see it then, but I do now.”
