“That sounds dangerous. For a woman to enter anywhere with a man she barely knows, blindfolded.”
He shrugged. “One night stands usually are seasoned subs. There’s communication beforehand, conversations about what to expect. In our community, blindfolds are the least scary. And they aren’t surprised by secrecy.”
I took a bite of my salad. “The girl you had with you the other night, she wasn’t blindfolded and she was in the common room.”
He nodded, swallowing another bite of burger. “The club has some submissives—both male and female—who are regulars. They’ve signed the contracts. They know the deal. Some of them are professional submissives hired by the club to be available to its patrons.”
Whoa.I must not have been hiding my shocked expression well because Ash rolled his eyes and gave me an annoyed look. “What?” he pressed.
“That sounds a lot like prostitution.”Has Jude ever hired one of these professional subs?God, even the thought had my stomach turning. Granted, the thought of Jude withanyoneelse made me uncomfortable.
“Every state is different, but the short explanation is that professional submissives and professional Dominants don’t have sex—in the legal sense, there can be no exchange of bodily fluids.” He smirked, then added. “At least not while they’re on the clock.”
“Has Jude ever—”
“I’m not answering any questions about Jude,” Ash said. “You want to know about him? Ask him yourself.”
Damn. Ash was testy. He seemed so nice at the audition, but now? He was short. Irritable. Maybe he didn’t get laid last night with that professional submissive. I pressed my lips together, suppressing a smile and looked around the room. What the hell else should I ask? Maybe instead of that stupid pro-con list, I should have been scribbling out questions to ask tonight.
“What Jude’s been teaching me about BDSM is so much more than leather and whips and stuff. I had no idea there were so many subsets of kink under this umbrella.”
Ash nudged his fries across the table as an offering and I didn’t hesitate to grab a couple—they smelled way too good to ignore. “Is there a question in there?”
Right. Questions. “Well, I’m mostly learning about Jude’s, um, preferences. But that seems like it’s only a small scope of what’s out there. I’d like to know what other Doms enjoy.”
Ash arched his brow as I nibbled on the tip of my fry. “You want to know what my specific kinks are?”
I shrugged in a way I hoped was casual. It felt so wrong to be asking my potential future director how he liked to fuck.
He sighed, leaning back in his seat. “I like administering pain. I like pushing my submissives to the edge of pain and then shoving them over the other side where it melts into pleasure. But not just a little spanking like Jude gave you the other night. Real pain. The sort of pain that makes most people cry and wince and they can’t even watch as I clamp the jagged metal to her nipples.”
The French fry turned to sand in my mouth. “You’re a sadist,” I said, surprised at how unshaken my voice was.
He nodded. “Spanking is fun, I guess. But paddling is even better. And the leather riding crop is my favorite because it can hit her clit just right and it leaves the most beautiful rectangular welt on her ass.”
My stomach hollowed out. Ash Livingston just saidclitin front of me. This week was getting weirder and weirder.
Omar’s words echoed in my head.You need to figure out if it’s Jude you want or if it’s just the lifestyle.If I could experience what Ash was talking about… turning pain to pleasure in a magical way, like Jesus turning water into wine… maybe I could know. Maybe I could discover if it was this lifestyle or Jude that had me so mixed up inside. I stared at Ash closely. His dark hair and even darker stubble poking through his jawline. Clear blue eyes assessed me right back in a shrewd way. He was handsome… I’d be blind not to notice. But seeing him did nothing for me. Not like with Jude.
Ideas churned in my head. I wasn’t turned on by Ash at all. So, ifhimhitting me could get me hot, then I’d know it wasn’t Jude turning me on after all. That it was the kink.
I jumped to my feet and rushed for the small closet. The door slammed against the wall as I threw it open and lunged inside. I rummaged around, searching through the items I’d perused earlier that day. It wasn’t as full as Jude’s closet of toys was, but it had a handful of clamps, restraints, paddles and… aha! There it was. The riding crop.
I grabbed it and rushed over, handing it to Ash. He stared blankly at the crop in his outstretched palm and then back to me, blinking. “What the fuck is this?” he asked.
“Your favorite toy,” I said.
“Yeah, no shit. Why am I holding it right now?”
I needed to know. I needed to understand, needed to experience what the hell he was talking about without the fog of Jude Fisher. It couldn’t be my ass or anywhere intimate, so instead, I tugged my hoodie off, and threw it on the bed, standing there in front of Ash in only my tank top. I extended my arm, offering him the inside of my wrist. “Hit me. Hit me with the crop so I can feel the whole edge of pleasure into pain thing you were just talking about.”
Ash looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. This was my director. And here I was begging him to smack me in the arm with a freaking riding crop. “I’m here to research the damn role, aren’t I? Sohitme!”
Ash stood, his blue eyes turning gray and dismal like a storm cloud overtaking a bright, blue sky. His mouth thinned into a firm line and he dropped the riding crop at my feet. “You’re asking me to do something that should be reserved for your Dom and only your Dom? This just tells me you’re not ready for this part yet.” His voice was so quiet and threatening, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Silently, he moved to the door.
“But he’s not my Dom. Notreally. And I’m here to learn.” I followed him, still holding my arm out like an offering.
He spun around to face me, his hand gripping the door handle so tight, he could have dented the metal. “Iknowsharing is a hard limit for Jude. And for this week, youarehis submissive. You might think you’re the student here, but Jude Fisher hasn’t stepped foot in this club in over a year.Yougot him here. So maybe you could stop and think for a second about more than just doing what it takes to get this fucking role.”
With that, he slammed the door behind him, leaving me feeling embarrassed, foolish, and gutted, standing in an empty room.
