“Whoa,” Omar said. “Hold up a second. First of all, does Jude even have a say in the casting?”
I fell quiet. He resigned from casting, but that didn’t mean he didn’t still have power. A power over me that was inevitable when one person had more clout in the industry. “No,” I whispered. “He told me he resigned from casting when he decided to help me this week.”
Omar chuckled. “I have to admit, I like this guy more and more.”
“But it doesn’t matter if Jude isn’t helping cast the movie anymore. The truth doesn’t always matter in our industry. You know that.”
“I also know that plenty of actors fall in love onset.”
“Love?” I jerked back as though I’d been struck. “That’s transference… not love.”
“Sometimes,” Omar said. “And sometimes it’s real. And since you’re not really the transference type…”
“Are you freaking kidding me? You can’t possibly be suggesting I’m in love with Jude. I’ve known the guy for three days!”
“I know. It sounds crazy. But the way you two were looking at each other at the club that night? The way he leaned in and kissed your cheek. There is mad chemistry there.”
“Chemistry isn’t love—”
“And whatever the hell BDSM mind games you two were playing with the chocolate caramels, that shit was hot.”
My blush deepened. “You knew about that?”
“Marlena Taylor. I’ve known you for years. I’ve held your hand when you wore heels that were too high. I’ve held your hair when you puked. I’ve held your body when you’ve cried. Tell me one damn time I’ve bought you those caramels that you haven’t ripped through that box like a T-Rex on a feeding frenzy?”
I laughed, but Omar didn’t let me respond. “Iknowyou. And you would not even be considering sleeping with this man if you didn’t feel something substantial.” He paused, then added, “And stop chewing your damn nails.”
Aw, hell. I didn’t even realize I’d been doing it and I dropped my hand into my lap. “How’d you—”
“Because I. Know. You. How many times do I have to say it?”
Oh, boy. I was about to get very real with Omar. He was my best friend. Of course we’ve talked about sex. But never in detail…
“But what if these feelings I have aren’t so much about Jude as much as they are about this, um, lifestyle he’s introduced me to.”
I could practically hear Omar’s smile on the other end of the line and I grimaced. “You liking those whips and chains more than you thought, boo?”
“I don’t know yet. Some of it I like. Some of it pisses me off… which strangely, I also like.”And some of it I love, I thought. Some of it makes me so wet, I’m afraid I’ll leave a saturated spot where I’m sitting. “I read that a lot of submissives think they fall in love with their first Master…”
Omar whistled. “Wow. Listen to you. You really think you’re a submissive?”
“I might be. I mean, as a fun kink with someone I trust? Yeah…”Someone I trust. Someone like Jude.
“So, look,” he said. “Here’s what I think. You need to get out that pretty little planner of yours and make a pro-con list that you continue to add to during the week until you reach a conclusion. And while you’re with Jude, you need to be really mindful. Is it him that’s turning you on? Is it him you’re attracted to? Or is it the acts he’s introducing you to?”
Why didn’t I think of that? Omar was one hundred percent right. I needed my planner. A pro-con list was just what I needed to help sort my thoughts. And I needed more time with Jude—which I had—to figure out if he has me hot and bothered or if it was his lifestyle. The week was far from over. Because I couldn’t put myself through this for nothing… and I couldn’t put Jude through it either.
*
I had mypen between my teeth, chewing the cap as I reviewed my list. Writing down the pros and cons helped. If for no other reason, than to calm my nerves. Organize my thoughts.
Cons:
1)I may not really love him.
2)I may ruin my career.
3)I would prove all of Jack’s stupid rumors correct.
