I sighed, wishing the coffee was cool enough to drink. I needed something to do with my hands. There was no way we could discuss the situation without me telling her the truth. "Our entire relationship is based on a lie."
Her forehead wrinkled. "What do you mean?"
"The attorney thought it would help if we were already dating. That way, Oakley couldn't complain about me living with Dalton, and it would make him look more stable. The plan was always for us to be engaged before the custody hearing."
Elena gave me a look. "Are you saying that the relationship isn't real? That it's all for show?"
I sighed. "Not exactly. At some point, it became real. But now I want more. I want him to ask me to stay, to tell me he loves me.”
"It sounds like you need to talk to him about this."
"I tried yesterday, but he's so mad that I'm not going to be there at the mediation. I didn't even want to talk to him about how I felt." Or figure out what was going on in his head. "Lilliana comes first."
"That may be true, but you still need to feel like a priority in the relationship. Does that make sense?"
Maybe that was what was bothering me, what I couldn't put into words. "I want him to ask me to be at the hearing because he wants me to be by his side. Because he needs my support. Not because some fake designation will curry favor with the mediator."
Elena nodded. "That's the issue that's tripping you up."
"He also said something else yesterday. He said I should pursue my doctorate. It made me feel like he didn't want me to stay. Then my overactive imagination decided he didn't want to be with me anymore, and this was his way of pushing me away."
"I don't even know what to say to that. Are you sure that's what he wants? He wasn't just discussing options?"
"He said that's what I should do, and it's what my parents want. But if he knew me at all, he'd understand that I want to do what I want, not what anyone else wants for me."
"I wonder if he's just stressed by the custody case and not able to give you his full attention. I'm not saying it's right, but it's a possibility."
"Maybe I should let him figure it out. Give him the space he needs and wait for the custody case to be decided."
"It's up to you, but I think you should talk to him. Figure out what he meant."
We fell silent for a few minutes, and I checked my phone where there were still no messages.
Elena held the mug in both of her hands. "For what it's worth, he seemed upset at family dinner. Joy said he was the first to arrive."
"It makes me feel a little better that he's conflicted too." But it didn't mean that he wanted me to stay as something more than his fake girlfriend.
"Do you know what you want to do after that amazing first class yesterday?" Elena asked, excitement seeping into her voice.
I sat next to her on the other stool and said, "I loved that so many people were interested. I had such a good time teaching. I think I'd like to break the groups into different ages next time: kids, teens, and adults. But it was a great start."
"I thought so too."
"Hazel said something to me afterward that has me thinking."
Elena sipped her coffee. "What's that?"
"She said that I could record video of me teaching a particular skill and put it on social media. Maybe even teach online. I could reach so many more people that way. But I feel conflicted because I enjoy teaching in person too."
"You could do both. You could do whatever you want to do."
"Hazel mentioned something about the Bob Ross videos. Do you remember those from art class?"
Elena sighed. "He had such a soothing voice."
"I don't know if I can live up to his legacy, but it was a cool comparison. It got me thinking about sharing my love of art with the world. And I think it's something I'd like to do now. I don't need an art therapy degree or certification to teach art. I don't want to wait, go back to school, and start my life in a few years. I want to do this now."
"I think it could be amazing."
