Harrison
Can’t relate. Just me and my hand over here. But thanks. Now I’ll overthink every future orgasm for the rest of my life. #bedroomfailure #drysex
Oliver
YOU STARTED THIS, BARRETT. You turned sex into a competitive water sport.
Me
I didn’t mean to. It just happened. I’m sorry she’s loud and your girls listen.
Griffin
Layken said “Well if Blakely can do it, maybe I just need a goalie too.” Should I be concerned?? Should I call Zeke Miller over in Chicago and ask him if he has the gift as well? Is it a goalie thing?
August
Ella texted me a link to a pressure point diagram. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! I’M A HOCKEY PLAYER NOT A PLUMBER.
Bodhi
Corrigan ordered a tutorial. I’m terrified.
Ledger
Okay but real talk, how’d you do it?
Me
Focus. Angles. Timing. Dedication. And apparently an irrational amount of leg strength. #goaliethighs
Harrison
Cool. I’ll go lift weights and cry.
Oliver
I hate you a little. Respectfully.
August
Is this our Roman Empire now?
Griffin
Barrett Cunningham: Destroyer of Dry Sheets. Wrecker of Relationships. King of the Gush.
Barrett
Should I bring towels to the next team meeting?
Ledger
You bring towels. I’m bringing snacks. This is gonna be a show.
BLAKELY
Blakely changed the group chat name to Ice Queens After Dark
