I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “I mean, Jane did lose her reporter job.”
“Did she really?”
“Yes. But I helped her get it back. So.” I swung my arms and turned toward the dark front yard; I couldn’t look at him any longer.
“You did. Of course you did.” There was a knowing smile in his voice, and I looked sharply back at him. His expression had gone all soft; he looked—oh God, I don’t know how he looked; it was becoming increasingly difficult for me to process anything.
“Anyway.” I shivered dramatically. “Cold out here. Not as cold as Zurich, though, eh? Ha. Ha.”Why? Why did I say it?!
Christopher’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Now he knew I had googled him—I was a walking, talking fiasco.
“Just kidding!” I said heartily.Why?“Gotta go, bye.”
I had started toward the door when I felt his hand on my elbow and heard him say softly, “Rachel—”
I stopped, unable to face him. Still turned away from him, I said, “Yes?”
He dropped his hand. “You must know that I did it all for you.” His voice was gentle enough that I might have imagined it.
My heart thudded. “Because… because of…” I couldn’t think of a single possible reason, anything that might explain all the things he’d done.
“I couldn’t live knowing that you thought I was some horrible person.”
“Right.” I looked down at my boots. “So it was because of that. Because of the things I said about you in July.”
“Yes, it was—” He stopped, sounding frustrated, and then his hand was on my arm again. “Will you look at me?”
I whirled around. He had moved closer. His face was a mere foot away from mine.
“I might have overstated… some things.” I didn’t know what I was saying, but it felt like I had to say something. I didn’t wantto take back the things I’d said about him, because I had truly believed those things at the time. But now? Now it was like he was a different person—or I was.
“No, you were right. I was pushy and arrogant and—”
“Stop. I didn’t even know you.” My gaze fell to his hands, which were swinging at his sides now. He noticed and flexed his fingers self-consciously. Right: on top of everything else, Christopher Butkus had extremely attractive hands. That wasn’t something I needed to know.
“Maybe not. But you saw me.” He ducked his head slightly, trying to catch my eye. But I knew what kind of intense eye contact he was apt to make, so I turned my head away. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I looked straight at him.
“Maybe. I don’t know.” I tried to think of the right words to say, to make him feel released from the judgments I’d made about him. To make him feel at peace with the kind of person he was. Without giving away the way I felt now. “Look, Christopher.” I chanced a look up at his face and felt myself inhale sharply. His light blue gaze under those furrowed brows sent a shock wave through me. “Consider yourself—you know—absolved. We both said some things that day that were… not fully thought out. I don’t think you’re a horrible person, okay? Perhaps the opposite, actually.” I bit my lip. Was that enough? Had I said too much?
He paused for several long seconds.
“Okay. Thank you. That means a lot, coming from you.”
“Coming from me, because I rarely have anything good to say about anybody?” I let out a nervous laugh.
“Yep. Exactly.” He half smiled, reflecting my awkwardness back at me. “Rachel Weiss, confidence slayer.”
“Well, here, you can have some of that confidence back. Nottoo much, though! Wouldn’t want you to get cocky.” I mimed giving him something with both hands.
He laughed and pretended to take the nothing I was offering him. We both flinched when our hands touched, which led to us doing a little shuffle, each of us trying to maintain a respectable distance.
This isn’t awkward at all.I tried to look unconcerned, but really I was a little disturbed by the awkward jig we’d just performed. We were being weirdos. I had to end this on a sane note.
“All right, so, I think we’ve… reached an agreement. We can put all that silliness behind us. Right?”
“Absolutely.” He gave a short nod. “I’ll have my people fax your people the documents tomorrow. Pleasure doing business with you.”
I stared at him. “You are such a nerd.”
