“Stephen?” His expression became clouded. “Are you two still…?”
“No. God no.”
A radiant smile overtook his face. “Good. That makes this easier. Because, Rachel, I…” He took a deep breath and, with a sense of purpose, raised his eyes to meet mine. “I wanted to tell you that I think you’re… I think you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met.”
The silence after this pronouncement clanged, deafeningly, in my ears. I blinked slowly. Christopher’s smooth, freshly shaven cheeks flushed red.
“It’s…” He looked down at his hands again and smiled, nervous and yet easily confident in the way only a wealthy, handsome white man can be. “It’s the most amazing thing. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the first night we met. And then every time I see you, you’re doing something so… insane, so startling, it’s like… you make me feel more alive than anyone I know. You’re not perfect; you’re messy, and you don’t try to be perfect like most women do these days. You’re impulsive. I’venever seen you read a book. Your family is bizarre and embarrassing, but it doesn’t matter; in fact, I like it. Everything about you is funny and…” He broke off, running a hand through his damp hair. “I’m butchering this. I’m a little nervous. But Rachel…” He lurched forward and grabbed my cold hands. I was so startled that I jerked my hands back and sat on them. He let out a strained little laugh at this and continued. “This is crazy, and I’ve never done this before, but Rachel, I think I’m in love with you.”
My first thought was:Did he really have to do this while my cold bathing suit was riding up my butt and chafing my nipples?
My second thought was:Wait… what the fuck just happened?
And then parts of his speech came back to me in a slow-motion replay, and fury bubbled up in my chest, warming me better than anything had in hours.
“Are you finished?”
He still had a pleasantly flustered and expectant look on his face. I kept my eyes on it without blinking so I would see the instant it crumbled.
“Um, yes.” He encouraged me to speak with an awkwardly gallant wave of his hand.
“Oh, good. So is now the time when I’m supposed to fall into your arms? You’re the good-looking millionaire and I’m the poor commoner you’ve taken a liking to, so that’s how it’s supposed to work, right?”
There it was: a spasm moved across his brow, his pupils dilated, his nostrils flared. Not so confident anymore.
“No, really, what did you think would happen? That I would be grateful that you’re into me despite how embarrassing you think I am?”
“I don’t think you’re—”
“Let me stop you right there. You think I’m imperfect,messy, and—oh yeah—insane. You think my family is bizarre and embarrassing.” The color drained from his face as I spit his words back at him. “Well, I’m sorry we’re not prim and proper buttoned-up WASPs. No, you know what? I’m not sorry. At least we’re interesting. Did you really think insulting my family was going to make me fall in love with you? And just because I don’t name-drop books or document everything I read on social media doesn’t mean I don’tread. Are you serious with that? I read fifty books last year.”
“I didn’t mean—it came out all wrong—”
“I’m not finished.” I stood, and it felt good to tower over him despite the towel I still grasped around my waist. “What kind of patriarchal fever dream led you to believe that proclaiming your love for me would work out well for you? When have I ever—ever—given the impression that I was into you? You know nothing about me—except where my parents live and what I look like riding a bike naked. You’ve probably never been with a Jewish girl before and thought,Hey, here’s my chance!”
“Rachel, wait.”
“No,Christopher, I will not wait. I haven’t been sitting around waiting for a man to swoop in and change my life. And even if I was, there is no way I could ever be with someone like you. People who make millions and billions of dollars from their corporations make me sick. Not to mention the way you date drop-dead gorgeous women like Xio and Andrea for a few weeks, then probably can’t even remember their names after you switch them out for someone new. And the way you treated your best friend? Friendship is the most important thing in the world to me. Even if it weren’t for all the other things I just listed, I could never be with someone who stole their best friend’s idea and cheated him out of money that should have been rightfully his.”
Christopher looked stunned now. His normally smiling mouth was slack, his brows lowered. I figured I’d more than gotten my point across.
“So thank you for telling me you love me in the most insulting way possible. You’ve reaffirmed everything I thought about guys like you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get out of these wet clothes and forget this day ever happened.”
I took a step toward the door, then doubled back. Christopher looked up, a ray of hope lighting his face.
“I’m taking the cookies.” I grabbed the Tupperware, and the ray of hope extinguished itself. “Goodbye, Christopher.”
I slammed the front door behind me and stomped up the stairs without acknowledging the various members of my family in the kitchen and living room. I locked myself in the bathroom, filled the tub with the hottest water possible, and finally,finallytook off those damn wet clothes. Then I sank into the bath and didn’t get out until I’d eaten every last cookie.
CHAPTER 16
AFTER I’D CHANGED INTOdry clothes and regained a body temperature suitable to human life, I rinsed out the Tupperware and slunk through the woods in the direction Christopher had come from. There were only a few cabins around here, and the first one I stumbled upon had several cars parked in front of it, including a Tesla, so. Of course he would drive a Tesla. I darted up to the front door and left the empty container on the mat. I didn’t want the reminder hanging around our kitchen, and I didn’t want to give him any excuse to speak to me again—though I doubted he would ask for it back.
Pleased that I’d put an end to the whole thing, I returned to our cabin and nicked another of Mom’s steamy novels—this one featuring a shirtless knight wielding a sword, his cape and curly hair rippling in the wind. I curled up on the couch and lost myself in this tempting fantasy for several hours.
Mom and Dad had gone out for groceries and wine, and when they returned, I heard Mom coo, “Ohh, how lovely! I wonder who left these.”
I sat bolt upright.Surely not.
