I shifted my head to see her better, silently cursing when she stopped the stroking. Her brows were furrowed; her bottom lip caught between her teeth.
“Oscar told me about the bet with Doyle.” Her voice dropped as she said his name. As much as the team disliked him, the PASs — partners and spouses — hated him more.
“Are you trying to get close to her just to win it?”
I sat up so quickly I almost fell off the sofa. Whipping around to face her, I studied her face closely. Did she really think so little of me?
“I don’t care about that stupid bet. I only agreed so he would shut up because Blair didn’t need to hear him running his mouth about her. I want to be her friend, but she hates me, and I don’t know why.”
“Why do you think it’s so important to you that the two of you are friends?”
What kind of question was that?
“We work together. It’s important to get along with the people you work with.”
Mia snorted, then covered her nose with a hand, silver eyes dancing with something close to amusement. “Well, that’s not true. For one thing, no one gets along with Chet. You all barely tolerate him, and you play together just fine. For another thing, you’ve told me that Blair is always professional in the workplace. Your social media profile is as well put together as anyone else in the team’s. So try again. Why do you think it’s important?”
“She’s smart, she’s funny, she knows stats better than anyone I’ve ever met. The first time I met her, I felt like I already knew her, which was really weird because it was hate at first sight for her.” Why did it matter so much that she and I were friends? I’d been working for years on my people pleasing tendencies, and clung hard to the mantrastop trying to make everyone like you. You don’t even like everyone. But it was different with Blair. It felt like we should be friends. And I’d tried to give her space. I had. But I was done with just standing back and dealing with it alone.
“Is it possible that you like Blair?” Mia asked gently.
“Of course I like her. That’s why I want to be friends with her.”
She shook her head, an affectionate smile on her face that made me feel like an ignorant kid.
“Cian. Is there a chance you’d like to date Blair, and the hostility is uncomfortable because you want her?”
“I don’t… she’s not…” I huffed. How could I explain this without sounding like a complete asshole. Luckily, this was Mia.
“She’s not conventionally attractive, no. But is that what matters to you? I’ve seen you turn down gorgeous puck bunnies because you care more about other people’s wellbeing than you do about cheap thrills.”
Shit, maybe Mia’s insight was a little more than I could handle. Heat burned up the back of my neck, and I shifted in my seat.
“You’re a good-looking guy who is used to being surrounded by good-looking people. But looks fade, and what’s most important is who you are at your core. I love Oscar because he’s a cinnamon roll of a human being who understands me like no one else. He’s a proud feminist who is terrified of birds to the point of being ridiculous, and I know that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to make sure I’m happy and safe every day of our lives. The fact that he’s six foot four inches of muscle with a pretty face is nice, but it was never the reason I chose him.”
I’d never bought into the puck bunny culture because it felt transactional. Having a beautiful girl hanging off you for the night so she could be seen with someone considered a celebrity, and in exchange getting off with a stranger at the end of the night. It felt hollow. Cheap and nasty and nothing like what I wanted for the future. Did that mean I wanted Blair?
I wasn’t sure because I’d never considered it.
Talk about shallow.
“I think you need to take some time to decide what your motivation is behind all this. If you want to be her friend, act like it. If she doesn’t want that, then respect her boundary. That’s part of being an adult, and it’s unfair to drag her into something just because you want it a certain way. But if you genuinely want to have something more with her…” She trailed off, watching me intently. “Well, you’re Cian O’Leary. I don’t think there’s anything you can’t achieve if you put your mind to it. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.”
I pushed to my feet, mind churning. I wanted to make a friendship with Blair work. Was that selfish? Probably. But we’d both seemed to have fun at the function until…
“Where do you think I went wrong on Friday? I still can’t work it out.”
Mia glanced up from her book. “Do you know how she got the nickname Duckie?”
I’d assumed it was a term of endearment by her family. The image of Blair sitting in my truck flashed through my mind along with her heartbreaking words.It’s okay, she hated me first. Shit.
“I thought it was like how ducks always look calm on the water, but underneath they’re paddling like hell. Blair is so capable that she never seems ruffled, even though her job gets crazy a lot of the time.”
Mia shrugged, giving me a soft smile before she dropped her eyes to her book. I knew I’d been dismissed, but she couldn’t do all my thinking for me.
I had to figure this out on my own.
Blair
