“That’s good, man,” I said, nodding my head.
“That’s real good.”
Darcy
Standingin front of my closet in bra and panties, I stared blankly at the two fancy dresses I owned, once again debating canceling my plans. Evie was lovely, and I was so glad we’d reconnected, but much like last time, she was so connected to Kane, I worried I’d break down the minute I saw her. I had barely left my apartment in the last week, drifting from room to room as though I were haunting the space. I felt numb, and I worried what would come next. If that icy shell cracked, would I shatter completely?
I’d let myself get close again.
Knowing damn well I couldn’t trust Kane with my heart, I’d let him get close, and the worst of it was that I had no one to blame but myself. Of course he didn’t want to be with the woman responsible for killing his child. The woman responsible, however inadvertently, for the defamation of his character. I had tried to organize a meeting with the board of directors for the National team, but no one had responded to my emails.
Or my voicemails.
Or my comments on their website.
I’d run out of options at that point and hadn’t thought of another way to go about being seen other than appearing unannounced at one of their homes or at the aquatic center. Fear of further embarrassing Kane was all that kept me from that course of action.
The cherry on top was I still loved him.
I’d never told him.
I’ll cancel, I decided, lifting my cell. Money was becoming a real problem, anyway, and I didn’t want to rely on Evie’s charity. Just because she could afford it didn’t mean I was comfortable accepting it.
Before I could call up her details, the phone started vibrating in my palm. Clicking on to the call, I lifted it to my ear and —
“You’re not canceling tonight.”
“What—”
“I know you, Darcy Rowsthorn, and you are not letting him win. We are going to go out, get drunk, dance and enjoy our goddamn night. I’m picking you up in twenty.”
I looked around, suddenly paranoid she was in my house.
“How did you—”
“As I said, I know you. Come on, girl. I’m not letting you leave me again.”
The stab of guilt at letting Kane get in the way of what had been a good friendship was the kick in the ass I needed to get moving. This wasn’t all about me, and now that Evie was single again, maybe it was my turn to be the supportive friend. I hadn’t asked about the breakup, but it had obviously been weighing on her during our phone calls over the week.
“You’re too good to me,” I said, slipping my feet into a pair of black pumps.
“No, you just don’t want to acknowledge that sometimes friendship doesn’t come with conditions.”
I hummed in a way I hoped she’d take as agreement as I eyed my dresses.
In the end, I picked the red. As much as I loved the black dress, I couldn’t help but think of Kane’s face when he saw me in it. Maybe I could donate it. I certainly wouldn’t be able to wear it again.
“Darcy—”
“I’ll be ready. See you in twenty?” I cut in, hoping to finish the call before I burst into tears again.
“See you soon,” Evie confirmed before blessedly hanging up, leaving me alone in my closet with my memories.
Tears tickled my lower lids, clouding my vision and making me thankful I hadn’t yet put on my mascara. Shit. This was why I had always avoided dating. Fool me once…
Letting Kane close again was stupid. I was stupid. Looking at my bathroom cabinet, I gave in to an impulse I had developed over the past week. Call it paranoia, but I couldn’t stand going through the aftermath of our last breakup again. Pulling one of the plastic-wrapped packages out of the box, I sat on the toilet, unwrapping it and angling the soft, spongy end of the test into my stream of pee. As I had several times before, I placed the test on top of the packaging while I cleaned up, and breathed a sigh of relief when the results read negative. Again. I had heard tests could throw a false negative, so had bought a bulk supply of tests, knowing I wouldn’t feel completely safe until my period came the following week.
Being a woman sucked sometimes.
