Aubrey
I swivel my head,quickly scanning around the neighborhood, surveying the starlit surroundings. The fine hair on the back of my neck stands upright. I scrutinize the darkness, my senses on high alert as I take in the dusky scenery around me. I inhale, and poise myself by taking in a deep, soothing breath, attempting to relax my frayed, and tense nerves.
Ever since that sicko, Rocco Levi, kidnapped me and my best friend, Carabelle, I feel like there are always eyes pinned on me. Some days, I don’t fear the way they make me feel. On other days, I feel as if bugs are crawling all over me, pricking my skin. Tonight, is the eerie feeling of shadows shrouding me, intent on choking me from the inside out.
Living on this side of Atlanta, is what I refer to as the in-between. It’s not the roughest side of town, but it’s not the safest either.
“You just have to make it inside, bolt the doors, and put a barrier between you and those eyes that’re continually watching you,” I mumble to myself, giving myself a pep talk as I step out of my car, and run to my front door.
Making it to my front door I pause, looking pensively over at the still duplex beside me. I know someone is living there, but I’ve never personally put eyes on my neighbor. Sometimes, I overhear them coming in and going out of their unit. It’s always at off hours and never on the same schedule. What I do know, is that when they are home, I feel safe.
Sighing, seeing no lights and their car not being there, makes me move just a little faster to get behind the safety of my door. I quickly slam it shut, twisting the lock, and latching the chain that comes standard with renting… it’s cheap, but gives me that semblance of security I need.. I take my phone out and message my best friend to let her know that I made it home. I came to visit Carabelle shortly after she was rescued by Timur on her wedding day.
The day my bestie was taken, just as she was about to get married to a man forced onto her by her family, is a day I’ll never forget. What gave me pause was the giant of a man that came in behind Timur. He was so broad at the shoulders that you could visibly see him standing sentry behind his boss. There was something menacing in his eyes as he scrutinized the people around the church, taking his task to protect his boss seriously, a pose and look that I explicitly understood.
Alarm bells sounded off in my head, the warning was crystal clear.
The vacant, lifeless look in his eye warned you not to mess with him.
Warned you that he would take your life slowly, painfully and with a plethora of pleasure.
In stark contrast was the indistinctive feeling of peace that I felt from him being near. He pulled at those invisible strings, tugging on emotions that I thought had died in my soul when I was still a small child. I wanted to curl up in his arms and let him fight all the demons that will forever haunt me.
My phone vibrates in my hand, bringing me back to the here and now—yanking me from visions of the past. I close my eyes and shake off the thoughts of that insidious time. I need to put my feelings for that man inside of a concrete box, put shackles around it, and throw it into the deepest part of the ocean’s abyss.
When Timur and Nico rescued us from the very sick and utterly terrifying Rocco I clung to Nico like a leech. He would hold me through the nightmares, doing everything he could to fight the demons that chased me through my nightmares. I still dream of the nights that he would love my body in a way that no man ever had or ever could. For two weeks, I lived in a dream. I had the one man that was able to make me feel something. Then we both decided through various conversations that us being together isn’t a conceivable option.
I couldn’t live in the barbaric world that he did, and there was no way that he could leave the life that he's fought so hard to build. At the end, it broke the very last piece of my heart that I hadn’t built a wall around. Well, I thought it did until I had to see him on the regular due to the fact that my best friend is now married to Timur, meaning spending time with her means seeing him.
Walking across my threadbare apartment to the kitchen, I drop my purse, phone, and keys onto the bar that divides the area from the living room. I turn to go to the bathroom, needing a hot bath to relax and wash the shitty day away.
Just as I start to make my way down the hall my phone goes off again. I picked it up seeing a message from my mom. Yeah, I’m not fucking do that right now. I lay my phone on the table as I walk by making my way to my shower.
I’m over things beyond my control, and dealing with controlling and overbearing people. I believed that by staying in Atlanta, and putting down some roots so that I could be close to Cara, I would be able to get over the need to be what everyone wanted—expected me to be, and just be… me.
Only, the problem is that I’m just now realizing that I don’t have a damn clue who I am nor what I want in life.
I step into the shower, hissing as the hot water rains down over me, letting it wash some of the kinks, stress, and fear of the day away. Just as the knots on my shoulders start to melt away, my phone starts ringing from the other room. Without thinking, I jump out of the shower barely wrapping my towel around me as I sprint down the hallway to grab it before my voicemail kicks in.
About half way down the hall, I slip, slamming my head on the edge of my end table. The world around me starts to fade in and out as stars dance behind my eyelids. My phone stops and immediately starts ringing again. I pull myself up until I’m kneeling on my knees, slowly breathing in through my nose and gradually exhaling through my mouth, working hard to not lose the meager contents of my stomach by spewing my last meal onto the expensive rug that I just purchased. Finally, I find the cause of all this insanity just as the first drops of blood fall over my eyes, sliding down the bridge of my nose, and dripping onto my thighs.
Taking the towel that I was trying to wrap around myself earlier, I use it to clean myself up before pressing it to the injury, and swipe my phone from the table that attacked me. Hissing into the phone I hiss, “Please, tell me someone is dying.”
“Well, that is no way to speak to your mother. A lady is always composed, gracious, and well-mannered.”
I would have rolled my eyes, except that may have an adverse effect and I might not actually be unable to stop the vomit. “Mother, as always, it’s a pleasure to speak with you. At this moment though, it seems that I am not in any shape to do that right now. I hope you have a great night.”
“My dear, I have some very exciting news to share with you. It appears that even though you have decided to run away, and forsake all things that are your family, there is still a suitable man here that wishes to claim you as his and marry you,” she rambles, sounding satisfied with the prospect, and overly-excited to plan out this wedding contract with whomever this unidentified man is.
I want to scream and throw myself on the floor like an overgrown toddler who’s favorite toy has been snatched away. I’ve never, not ever, said no to my mother and father. I’ve always done exactly what I’ve been told without question. That is, until the day that my best friend was kidnapped on her way to the altar. She found her forever with the man who is the perfect match for her.
I want that for myself more than anything in this world. To do exactly what I want when I want sounds marvelous. Not what everyone else wants me to do. It’s a role I’m getting sick of playing.
“Aubrey Michelle, are you even listening to me? I am trying to tell you about what your future entails. This is what is needed of you to keep us in good standing within our society," My mother prattles, her woe’s and “good name”is more important to her than the impact this decision could have on me.
My head is starting to swim, the wound on my head is continuing to flow unstopped, and I finally lose the battle with my stomach. Without a spoken word I hang up on my mom and call the only person in the world that will, and could, get me some help.
“I thought you were taking a shower and then hiding from the world while reading about your next great love,” Cara says as she answers the phone.
