I don’t want to go to the party, anyway. Not with all the studying I need to catch up on. Luckily, I’m not falling behind in anything, but to get into an exceptional college, I need to be better than up to par. I need to beaheadof the par. And the play has been taking up so much of my time already. That and readingEmma,which I actually finished last night. And, of course, Zayne was right. I loved it. It was just as, if not more entertaining thanClueless,and so were all the notes he left me in the margins, noting his favorite parts.
The point is, I’ve been too distracted from my studies. A party is the last thing I need, even if it’s Halloween.
Not being invited has nothing to do with it.
But then again, Carlton still isn’t speaking to me. It’s been days since the run-through rehearsal, and still not a peep. At school, he won’t even look at me. The last time I approached him, he turned his back and walked away, leaving me standing all alone. Outside of school, I’ve tried texting him, calling, and stopped by his house twice. Nothing. Mabel has only been speaking to me over text, too afraid to upset Carlton and her sister by taking my side. Ugh. It’s like Carlton is some kind of gatekeeper who determines whether or not I’m worthy of friendship. Luckily, Rue has taken pity on me today, eating lunch at a different table by my side, because it’s not like I can go sit with Zayne. That will only make things worse. And I definitely don’t want to sit with him anyway. I don’t.
“Don’t look so sad,” says Rue, watching me pick at my lunch for the fourth day in a row.
“You know the twins are throwing that party to exclude me,” I point out. “I’m the only person in drama club who didn’t receive an invitation.”
“It’s not like Meredith to do such a thing,” she counters. “She must be going through something.”
I snort. “Are we talking about the same girl? She’s never exactly been warm and fuzzy toward me.”
She frowns, bobbing her head from side to side. “She’s not normally like that. Trust me. You haven’t known her as long as the rest of us.”
“I’m just glad Mabel isn’t mad at me, too. At least, not yet.” I push my grapes around my lunch tray with my index finger, trying to resist the lump in my throat. I won’t let it form. I won’t cry over something this silly. “Maybe I should just quit the play.” My stomach twists as the words leave my mouth because the idea is horribly unappealing and I don’t even mean it.
“Dot, don’t you dare.” Rue’s eyes round in alarm. “You’ll ruin the whole production. There won’t be enough time to replace you.”
“Yeah, right,” I mutter. “I bet Meredith’s secretly been practicing my lines, lurking in the shadows, eagerly awaiting my failure.”
“Okay.” Rue slams her hand down on the table. With a start, I look up from my lunch tray at her. Her gaze pins me in place. “Youhaveto stop this. Meredith really isn’t a bad person once you get to know her. You have to stop talking badly about her. She’s my friend.”
My heart sinks.Way to burn all your bridges, Dot.
But Rue continues. “You’re my friend, too. And I don’t think it’s right for Carlton to be so mad at you. But he does have a right to be frustrated. You keep claiming that you like him, but I can’t help but notice you kinda, sorta, might like someone else, too. A little.”
My cheeks burn, but I don’t say a word in confirmation or denial. I just shrug. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I think you do,” she mutters. “And I hate to say it, but you need to stop being so wishy-washy. You’re in the play, so you need to commit to it once and for all. No more of this back and forth. No more threats. No more pondering. You accepted your role, so it’s time to make good on that. And you really should make a decision about Carlton. Either you like him, or you don’t. Both are okay, but you need to own your choice either way.”
When she finishes talking, she lets out a little sigh of relief. I can’t help but wonder how long she’s been holding all that in. And I can’t help but realize that she’s right.
She’s completely right.
I’ve been tossing around my emotions, my thoughts, and my choices so carelessly, I haven’t stopped to think of who else might be affected. Carlton isn’t the problem, and neither isZayne. It’s me, because I still don’t know what the right answer to any of this is. But one thing I do know—I’m grateful Rue had the guts to open my eyes.
“I’m going to talk to Carlton,” I decide. Time to rip off the band-aid and be honest about how I’ve been feeling, no matter the consequences. “Tonight, at the party. I don’t care if he and Meredith want me there or not. It’s Halloween and I’m playing the lead role, after all. You’d think I’d be allowed to show up.”
Rue raises her eyebrows. “Oh. Okay, then.”
“Will you come over after school? We could get ready together.”
“Sure.” Her cheeks lift into a smile.
I take out my phone and send a text because I just can’t help it. I have to know.
Me
Are you going to the party tonight?
I wait and notice the guy from the pumpkin patch walking up to Zayne across the cafeteria. It’s the first time I’ve ever noticed him at school before. What was his name again? James? Josh? Jude?Jude,I remember.It was Jude.I note the way he watches Zayne, like he wants to be noticed, and how Zayne nods at him, and then turns back to one of his other friends. Jude’s shoulders sag. How have I never noticed him before?
The bell rings, signaling that lunch is over. I grab my tray, tossing my picked-at lunch in the trash. I walk with Rue down the corridors. And then my phone vibrates. It’s a response to my text. I stare at it and can’t help the flutters that begin to blossom as a result.
Zayne
