I’m not sure how to answer that.
“You helped them hide it.” Her tone is sharp.
I shake my head, stating the truth inside it all. “No. We’re still you and me.” My throat swells with the way I’ve always seen us, and my eyes sting, needing her to feel it.
She blinks, swallowing, and her gaze drops from mine.
I try to choke it all down, but it’s difficult. “I don’t know why they did what they did or why Mom allowed him in her life for all those years, but I know she loved you like crazy. I’ll never understand it, Kris. I tried, but all it did . . .”
She won’t look at me.
“For a long time, I was angry and confused and wondered how she could be with someone who only used her while he was building a family with someone else.”
“Slade, he had two fucking kids and a wife!” Her voice charges forth with heartache that’s so familiar it flares in my chest.
I nod, hearing the fresh anger and grief. “I know, but what they did has nothing to do with us. We have our own family. You and me and the guys.”
The urge to claim Sarah and the kids as part of it is so great that it overwhelms me again. I run a hand under my nose.
Her lip quivers, and she sniffs. “I can’t do this right now.”
Sarah said I’m the target. Kris can take this out on me as long as she needs. I can handle it.
“Ok,” I whisper, swiping at my cheek. “Kris, I’m not going anywhere. Be mad at me. Hate me. Get it out.”
Her watery gaze drifts to mine.
“I let the hurt fester and steal. It wasn’t ever mine to own. It’s not yours either. Then Melissa . . .” I pause, remembering, and I find it’s not as painful as it once was. “I shut everyone and everything out. Don’t do that. Let the guys in. They love you.”
Tears spill from her eyes, and she wipes her cheeks. I want to hug her, but I know that’s not what she needs right now.
I grip the door knob but stop. “You know how they say beauty comes from ashes?” She blinks her glossy eyes, trying so damn hard to hold it all back. “Krissy, you are the beauty inside amessed-up situation. I was terrified to take on raising you, but so far, it’s the best damn thing I’ve ever done. I screwed up a lot, but we did ok, didn’t we?”
My nose burns, wanting to believe we did all right.
She nods, blinking so fast, but one more tear sneaks out of the corner of my eye.
“I love you. Always. Remember that.”
I leave her for now, but I know we’ll be ok. We have to be. All we have is each other.
I climb into my truck and drive home so I can talk to Sarah. I can’t handle another sleepless night or let fear steal one more day. What I told Krissy was true. I closed myself off out of anger and fear for what others did, but I never should’ve allowed their actions to have that kind of impact on my life.
I take a long, hot shower, hoping it will help me figure out exactly what I want to say. I know Sarah’s worried about what will happen with the custody case, but I can’t see my life without her. She and the kids turned my sad, miserable existence upside down, and I can’t go back to that.
She’s like a wrecking ball, taking down one protective wall at a time. She, Ollie, and Frankie have stolen my sealed-off heart.
I pull on jeans, a T-shirt, and a flannel. I leave my room, rolling up my sleeves, wondering if she’s up yet.
A rapid knock comes from my front door, and I tug it open.
Brandon stands there with his wiener shoved under his arm.
“Uh . . .” His gaze travels across the street, and mine follows.
I slide my feet into my boots, taking two steps at a time.
“Don’t kill him!” Brandon hollers.
