I leave him and his words. There was a time when they might have mattered to me. Maybe they would have filled some portion of the empty space created by never having a father, but you have to respect someone for their words to carry weight—his float right past me and out the door.
Chapter 36
SARAH
I smile, blinking away tears as Ollie wiggles his hips and shakes his jingle bells, trying to stay in time with the song.
Frankie bounces on my lap, bracing one hand on Slade’s shoulder so she can bob to the music.
The song ends, and the row of guys next to me whistle and cheer for Ollie, who grins and throws his bells in the air.
I put a hand over my face when they land at the teacher’s feet, rather than placing them back in the basket like the rest of the kids.
“Look at that aim.” Carson elbows Trig. “The kid’s got an arm on him.”
The room settles, and the kids finish the evening with “Up On The Rooftop,” complete with all the hand motions. I soak in the smiles and joy that come with the season and the fact that Ollie has a row full of people here just for him. A year ago, I couldn’t have imagined this was possible. But beyond the Christmas bliss, a new year awaits, and I worry about what it might bring.
I swallow the burning lump in my throat and glance up at the big guy next to me. The one who, despite all sound reasoning, has become my closest friend and someone I trust. The man I almost kissed.
I’m not sure I even contemplated what was happening, but I wanted to kiss him. I reeeaaally wanted to. Thankfully, a well-timed car alarm saved me from makinga huge mistake.
This man has snuck in and flipped a switch inside me I thought was permanently disconnected. But the minute his hand slid around my back to guide me closer, I wanted everything that was about to happen.
Have I lain in bed every night since, wondering what it would have been like to feel his lips on mine? A million times yes. Have I let my mind wander further than that? You betcha. Do I need his friendship more than giving in to temptation, only to get slammed with reality? An overriding yes.
Slade told me the other night that “we’d” figure something out. I wanted to push him away and tell him I got it. But I don’t got this. I cannot fight Miles alone this time. The thought of losing Ollie and Frankie, even only part-time, is gut-wrenching. If I’m going to make it through the next however long until I know what will happen, I need someone to hold my hand through it.
We stand and clap as the kids beam, bowing and waving.
I grip Frankie’s hand, letting her toddle along as we gather in the atrium to wait for the little stars.
“That kid knows how to put on a show,” Krissy says, taking Frankie’s other hand.
“He gets it from his grandma,” I say, knowing I’ll never hear the end of it once I send her the video.
Ollie runs toward us and straight to Slade, who sweeps him up in his arms.
“Dude, that was awesome. Who knew you could rock out like that?” Trig says, extending his fist for a bump. Carson and Wind follow suit.
“Mama plays music and sings and d-d-dances every night when we eat.”
One of Slade’s dark eyebrows lifts.
I roll my shoulders back. “Dinner should be an experience. It’s way more fun to eat your vegetables when you’re dancing.”
“It’s true,” Krissy says. “I can jam every night now that I don’t live upstairs from the Grinch.” She throws a thumb at Slade.
“Swade’s, not the G-g-grinch. The Grinch gots red eyes until his heart grows bigger.” Ollie holds Slade’s face. “See, his eyes aren’t r-r-red.”
The guys snicker, but I smile at my boy, who knows a tender heart when he finds one.
“I don’t know, Ol. He’s been pre-tty growly this year.” Carson crosses his arms. “I’m guessing there’ll be a large rock under the tree for him.”
Slade rolls his eyes. “Careful, or you’ll find a pink slip.”
Ollie’s eyes grow wide. “S-s-santa is bringing me a train. I’ve been very good this year.” He lifts his shoulder to his ear. “Except I p-p-peed in the trash can yesterday.”
The guys’ heads fall back with laughter, and Ollie grins.
