She inhales and lets it out. “All I ever wanted was eyes that matched and a way out. From the whispers and the condescension. From a whole town of people who made up their small minds when they didn’t know a damn thing.”
She glances at me, but her eyes fall away. “When I was fifteen, I heard girls talking at school about my mom dating one of the teachers. They said mutts carry fleas, and Mr. Brenner would need treatment for disease.”
She huffs a little laugh, but it’s not humorous. “It was enough that she was dating my teacher, but it was more than that. I knew I’d never be seen as anything else.” Her gaze falls, and she shakes her head. “Sometimes, no matter what you do, people won’t ever see past your circumstances.”
Her head drops to the side, and she exhales again. “So, I made a plan. I was getting the hell out. I got my first job and worked as many hours as possible to save up. I graduated early and entered my first pageant when I was seventeen.”
She peeks at me, her eyes locking on mine and waiting for a reaction. I don’t give her one.
“I changed everything about myself. Made what was undesirable desirable. I got contacts. Worked out like crazy. Did every beauty treatment I could afford outside of surgery. Eventually, I got a coach, and I won.”
Her gaze hits the floor. “I kept winning and climbing. I had sponsors and modeling contracts. Then, I met Miles and quickly succumbed to his world and success. Everything we did was about him and advancing his career.”
Her voice softens a little. “I thought we were doing it together, and his achievements were ours. It took me a while, but eventually, I saw things for what they were. I fell for a man who used me for appearances and his benefit.”
Her arms drop to her sides, and she adjusts her purse. “When he had nothing left to gain, he used it all against me. He turned what I earned for myself, something I was proud of, into nothing but painful memories. He took everything but Ollie and Frankie. The two things I’m beginning to think have never mattered to him.” Her voice cracks, and she blinks quickly, pressing her lips together.
She straightens, pulling herself up and rolling her shoulders back. The woman I’ve gotten to know is returning. “I have no idea what he’ll do or say, but he’s never fought fair.”
I stare at her, trying to process it, but knowing I don’t want her ever to be uneasy with me. “You were really afraid I’d judge you?”
Her shoulders sag again. “I have been my whole life. Even when I started pageants, everyone had an opinion and something to say. Most of it was unkind. People make uninformed assumptions and jump to conclusions that aren’t even remotely accurate. I saw how you looked at me the first time I stepped in here. You were Judge Judy slamming her gavel, convicting me as a stuck-up, socially privileged professional who was out to prove you were trying to rip me off. I was scrambling to figure out how I could pay you.”
It’s like a jab to the gut. “That’s what you thought?”
Her shoulders drop. “Slade, you know you were sizing me up and deciding all the ways you could detest me.”
She has no idea what I was thinking. I raise one eyebrow. “And you weren’t being just a tad judgmental?”
She scoffs. “Absolutely. You were kind of an abrasive asshole, but I married the slick dick with a thousand-watt smile who told me everything I wanted to hear. It was refreshing to have someone shoot me straight for once. No bull shitting or condescension.” She pauses. “You were blunt but real.Thatis what I need.”
It sort of sounds like she needs me, and my heart does a little leap.
I ignore the items and push out of my chair, moving around my desk to sit on the edge so we are eye to eye. “Sarah, I won’t ever lie to you. It doesn’t mean you’ll always like what I have to say. I will do my very best never to judge you, but intentional or not, we do that shit sometimes. I think it’s human nature to analyze and evaluate to figure out where we stand and what we stand for.”
She bites her lip again, and I wait, realizing I want her trust more than just about anything.
Her eyes fall away. “I didn’t want you to see. Hell, I’m not sure I can stand to look at them.” She runs her fingers over her forehead. “I held onto them, needing a reminder of what I can actually do. Motivation. Proof that I can succeed.” She shakes her head. “But I’m not that person anymore. I’m not sure I ever really was. I was hiding behind blonde hair, layers of makeup, beautiful clothes, and gowns. Behind a man who appeared to represent all I’d fought so hard for.”
Her eyes drift to mine. “It’s embarrassing and humiliating that I didn’t see it. Any of it! And then all I could do was sit and watch while he took it and lit my whole world on fire. He left nothing but ashes . . .” Her lip quivers. “And I’m really scared that girl, the one who fought and overcame, the one left stripped of her dignity and hanging on to only a shred of hope, burned along with everything else.”
Her chest rises and falls as she blinks. I see the fear well in her eyes.
My chest aches as if I can actually feel her heart breaking inside my own.
I fist my hands, the urge so strong to grab her and tell her I see her. I see everything that she is. “But it brought you here.”To me.
Her eyes lift to mine.
“No matter what, it made you who you are right now. You’re still fighting.”
Sarah is stronger than she knows.
She swallows it all down, forcing it away, but I wish she wouldn’t. She doesn’t have to be brave with me.
“It’d be nice if, for a little while, I didn’t have to fight so damn hard.”
I hear the exhausted vulnerability behind her words.
