“Are you ok?”
I wipe my eyes, breathing and hoping I don’t actually hack up a lung. “Yeah,” I choke out.
“You still sound awful,” Roxie says as I take a sip of water.
I might be feeling better, but the phlegm and cough still sneak attack.
For three whole days, I moved the kids’ toys into my room and spent the day in bed, moving as little as possible. They were angels, and since they weren’t feeling the best either, we spent lots of time sleeping, cuddled together.
I had to miss work, which will only put me further in the financial hole this month, but what’s new?
I pour Goldfish into small bowls. “At least the hacking spasms have kept Cory out of my office.”
“Hey, there’s my girl, and the bright side,” Roxie cheers.
I’m happy she’s seeing rays of sunshine. My projected forecast is predicting nothing but doom and gloom.
I hand over snacks and sit on the floor with Ollie and Frankie.
“You still haven’t heard anything from Miles?”
There we go. We’re back to shitty reality.
“No, I’m praying he becomes so consumed with the new attention and big city life he forgetsall about us.”
It’s the sad, pathetic truth. Ollie rubs his stuffed fish against his face, loving on it, and Frankie climbs into my lap, hitting me in the chin with a board book.Ouch.
I never thought I’d be in a place where I lost hope of giving them what I never had, but I’m there. I think my babies will truly be better off without him.
“I won’t be contacting him. That’s for sure.”
“So, what now? What’s the plan?” She’s back to Roxie the Riveter.
I need her “We can do it!” attitude because I’m seriously doubting my ability to do anything. “I don’t know. Just keep going, I guess.”
“Just keep swimming,” she sings. “You know, that’s kind of a suckass attitude.”
I laugh. “I think you’ve been spending too much time with my mom.”
“Hey, she’s helping me spread the word about my impending engagement in the most unconventional ways, and my parents are having none of it. She’s really the best. What about Slade? At least tell me you’ve finally talked to the gentle giant.”
My body sags against the couch. I haven’t. I’m the enormous coward who doesn’t want to face him or the possibility that I hurt my closest friend here. The man who sat with me and held me while I was sick with both the flu and the consequences of my life choices.
I’ve been hiding for the past two weeks, hoping to casually run into him when we were outside with Grover or coming and going from work, but nope. It makes me wonder if he’s avoiding me, too.
“No, I think maybe he’s realized what an absolute s-h-i-t show my life is and has intelligently removed himself.”
“Pfft. That sounds like an excuse.” She pauses, and I can’t even defend it. “I’m going to say something that sucks, so brace yourself.”
I think about hanging up. I can’t take much more.
“You need him. Someone you can depend on for help and support. Sarah, he took care of you and the kids when you really needed it, without even being asked. Men, don’t do that for fun. No offense, but you can’t afford to lose that kind of friendship.”
It’s a bit of a slap in the face, but she’s not wrong.
“And you need to quit being ashamed or embarrassed or whatever the hell it is about those damn ribbons and crowns. Miles is a complete dick and will say anything to hurt you. You rocked beautiful ass, and you should be proud.”
I debate the accuracy of that last part.
