His head hangs a little. “Ollie and Frankie are in their beds.” When his eyes finally drag up to mine, all I see is confusion and what might be hurt.
It’s a spear straight through an already bleeding heart.
His eyes run over my face only a moment longer, and then he turns, moving to the front door. “I let Grover out, so the back door is locked. Make sure you get this one.”
I hate myself even more than I did a few hours ago, but I cannot explain one more thing tonight. Something I’m not sure he’ll understand. At least, I’m terrified he won’t.
I nod.
He pulls the door open, and cool air filters in as he closes it. It’s just another blast to my aching body, and I have no doubt my fever is returning with a vengeance.
I take two more Ibuprofen and crawl into bed, curling into a ball. I stare at the ribbons, knowing if I had the energy, I’d take them to the backyard and burn every single one.
At one time, I wore them with pride. They represented success. Now, they’re tainted, and it hurts to look at them. Except for Ollie and Frankie, they’ve brought me nothing but pain and humiliation ever since.
I close my eyes before tears slip out, wishing I were back on the couch with Slade’s hand on my back, reminding me I’m not totally and completely alone. But maybe after tonight, I will be all over again.
Chapter 30
SLADE
“Man, we’re all hiding something, but at this point, she doesn’t owe you anything.”
I drop the dumbbells and roll up to rest my arms on my knees.
“I came to the gym to work out and relieve stress, not for an unsolicited therapy session.” I wipe my face on the hem of my shirt.
Carson grabs a set of dumbbells. “Would you rather discuss this over a candlelit dinner and wine?”
I groan, lying back on the bench and lifting the weights for another set.
He lunges and pushes out a breath. “Even better. I’ll call the guys and have them meet us at Crusins. We’ll get the whole gang involved.”
He has a point. He’s kept his freaking mouth shut this time after I told him about Sarah’s panic at me entering her room. I don’t know what that was all about, but it frustrated me.
I don’t like secrets, and even more, I don’t want her to feel like she has to hide things from me. That’s what stings most of all. But I understand trust has to be earned.
I press the weights into the air and lower them, each time needing the strain to release the confusion that’s lingered since that night.
It’s been a week since I sat with her while she burned with fever and anxiety. She shed tears of despair, trusting me with what had happened in her marriage and her worries about what her ex would pull next. But she flipped when I was just trying to carry her to bed.
I would have stayed and sat with her all night if she’d asked me, and that is the thought that makes me want to kick my own ass. I’m happy to excuse myself from where I’m not wanted.
Carson drops his weights, catching his breath. “If you’re going to throw a tantrum every time you get the least bit scared, she definitely won’t be inclined to share personal things with you.”
“I’m not throwing a tantrum. I’m just steering clear of a situation that doesn’t involve me.” I ignore the grenade he dropped about me being scared.
He scoffs. “So, that’s it? You’re mad she didn’t want you in her room, and you’re done with her now?”
He makes me sound like a jerk.
I drop the weights, having had enough. “I’m not doing this again. I was building my entire fucking life around someone who liked to keep secrets and hide things.” I huff a laugh. “Shit, she was living a double life.Withsomeone else.”
He drops his hands from his hips. “Slade, she was nineteen. How many dumbass mistakes did you make?”
I can’t think about it, but I know Melissa rises to the very top of the list. I choose not to respond.
“Exactly, you’ve got to let that shit go. I know it was hard, and you were hurting in so many more ways than one, but Sarah is a mom. She’s lived a whole lifetime before you, and you need to let her tell you about it. Whenshe’sready.”
