“No. You’re right. At least about wanting to punish my parents and then throwing my unhappiness in their faces. I would definitely do that.”
“Well, you weren’t totally wrong about me hiding either. I am. I just don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want people to see what I’ve become.”
“Sarah.” The way she says my name sounds painful. “You don’t have anything to be ashamed of.”
“But you know how people judged even before Miles, and then when he posted all those lies . . .” I rinse a cup. “Everyone believed it without a second thought. I just. . .want to leave all that behind.” I whisper the last of it. “I think I want to leave the person I was behind, too.”
There’s a long moment of silence for the sad truth.
“But she’s part of you, and she’s amazing. You’re incredible, Sarah. Don’t let what Miles did make you afraid to love her still and be proud of who she is. It gives his lies way more power than they ever should have had.”
I think about that, and she’s not wrong. Trying to leave that woman behind might be part of my problem. I might just need her and everything she went through to piece together who I’m supposed to become.
I blow out the heaviness of that revelation, admitting the rest of it. “I’m scared to face Miles.” I grip the phone tightly. “I keep hoping he’ll show he cares about Ollie and Frankie, but I’m really afraid that won’t happen. Then, I’ll have to finally accept the kind of man I married. Even worse, no matter how much I wish I didn’t, I could use his financial support.”
My entire body sags with the weight of the whole truth—every pathetic bit of it.
“But you can’t let Miles walk all over you or be a puppeteer.” Her voice is so soft. “It won’t change him or who he is. Sarah, you have to be able to move on for real and find out what you truly want. For Ollie and Frankie, but also for yourself.”
“I know.” And I do. I need answers so I know where to start rebuilding from. “He’ll be here Saturday and has to decide if he wants to be a part of Ollie and Frankie’s life. He’ll have to do more than say it. He has to show it.”
“Now we’re talking.” I smile at her encouragement. “While you’re laying down the law, knee him in the balls for me.”
I laugh, needing it. “How about you? Are you and Leonard still getting hitched?”
I hear her push out a breath. “Yes, but hear me out. I’ve only been biding my time managing the bar to irritate the shit out of my parents.”
“But you love it.” I remind her.
“I do, but there are other things I can love. I just have to figure out how to do them my way.”
“You’re talking about marrying a stranger,” I say softly, knowing he’s not a complete stranger, but she hasn’t seen Leo in years, so he might as well be.
“Would it be nice to marry a guy I was attracted to and in love with? Sure, but it takes a special breed to withstand my family and their expectations and obligations. Despite how much I’d like to, I’m not willing to give it all up. I never have been. It’s why I’m still here.”
“So, you’re marrying Leonard Roland.”
“Yep. He agreed anyway. He’s in the same boat. He could marry me or worry about marrying someone who’s only with him for his money.”
“Rox, I want you to be happy. What if he’s no longer the nerdy, fragile bird but a socially awkward, arrogant, brilliant ass who can’t hold a conversation with regular folk because he thinks we’re imbeciles who aren’t worth even a second of his time?”
“Whoo! You’re starting to sound like me.” She laughs. “Well, we’ll have a long engagement, and I’ll still have time to speed date.”
I laugh at the craziness of it all.
“Speaking of dating,” she sings. “It’s time for you to know what that’s like again. And I think there might be a tall, ruggedly gorgeous man across the street who could help with that.” I hear her smile.
My cheeks begin to warm just thinking about Slade in the way she might be suggesting, but then I hear it. The sound no person wants to hear—a heavy grunt and then a rush of liquid splatting against the floor.
“M-m-mama,” Ollie whines, bent over the mass of puke.
“Rox, I gotta go.” I haul Grover to the door by the collar and shove him outside.
“K. Love you. Bye.”
I drop my phone on the counter and swipe the paper towels, along with the disinfectant and the trash can.
This. This is my life. I shove down all nerves and fear and get to work cleaning up barf.
