But Ray looked horrified. Emily looked at Seb to see if he could explain what was going on. He looked like he was bracing for something, ready to pounce if anything went wrong.
Suddenly, it dawned on Emily that this wasn’t the first time she was on the receiving end of this expression from Seb. It was a rare occurrence, but her brain helpfully played a slideshow of every time she had seen that expression on him, eyes a little wide, not blinking, nose flaring slightly, and body ready to react.
Every time Emily teased them for their lack of passion for each other, the one time she said Camille shouldn’t have toyed with Mike’s feelings if she knew she only liked girls, and when she asked Ray if she would ever make out with a girl.
Emily didn’t know where these memories were coming from, but she knew one thing for sure, she didn’t know as much about Ray’s life as she claimed she did. She thought she was Ray’s best friend, but it was clearly the man beside her, ready to defend Ray if Emily breathed wrong. The thought and the expression on Seb’s face made her vision blur.
For a second, everyone was just looking at each other, frozen in place. Ray and the woman in the corner, and Seb and Emily near the counter stools.
Did they think she was so horrible? Did they sit in on their ‘dates’, talking about how they needed to hide this big thing about Ray’s life from her? She already knew the answer, but to stop her tears and minimize the chances of a full-on breakdown, she asked Seb, “How long have you known?”
“Not long—” Seb started to answer when Ray finally got out of her funk and joined them.
“Em, I was going to tell you on this trip,” she said quickly.
“Why didn’t you until now?” she asked, desperate for a logical explanation for all this. She didn’t know how she would survive knowing her best friends thought she would not be…what? Not be okay with Ray finding love?
“I…I wasn’t ready,” Ray admitted, not meeting Emily’s eyes.
“But you told him?” Emily asked, pointing to Seb.
“It was weeks after we started going out,” she said, still not looking at Emily.
“So, all along? He has known for at least three years?” Emily confirmed, her heart breaking with every word.
She knew she was making her friend’s moment all about herself. But she couldn’t comprehend what she could have done to make Ray want to hide this from her. Maybe it was because she made everything about herself? That could be it.
She couldn’t stop the tears streaming down her face. She still smiled, but she wasn’t feeling anything anymore. She probably didn’t deserve to either. “I’m so happy for you,” she said to Ray.
Ray looked at Emily with a small smile, which instantly dropped after one look at her face.
“And she’s hot, so good job,” she pointed at the girl. “I’ll see you back at the house.” She took her coffee and left before she completely lost it.
Emily didn’t know how she made it back to the house. Her mind was going a mile a minute. One second, she was consumed by guilt for not being there for Ray her entire life, not even knowing such an important part of her identity. The next second, she was angry at Ray for not sharing such a pertinentdetail with her, but decided to tell Seb within weeks of knowing him.
But her anger just turned into more guilt. Ray didn’t feel safe telling her, and Seb thought he had to protect Ray from her. And not just today, it has been going on all along. Because they could have limited the ruse of their fake relationship to only when they were in public. But they felt the need to pretend when it was just them, too.
Maybe that was it. There was never a ‘them’. It was Ray and Seb, and then Seb was stuck with Emily. She didn’t know how she ended up in the backseat of an Uber with her luggage. But when she reached the airport, she realized she didn’t have a choice. She felt so ashamed and angry, she couldn’t possibly face Ray and definitely not Seb.
She knew what she was doing was juvenile at best and horrible at worst. She knew this was not about her, it was about Ray. But she couldn't do anything other than leave. Maybe Ray had the right idea all along. Emily was a horrible friend.
Chapter 5
Present
Emily was out of the office before Seb could return with the food. She took the back door to avoid him. She wasn’t proud of it. But she was too embarrassed with her behavior, or at least her contribution to the ‘activities that shall never be talked about,’ to face him again. She felt stupid, like she was back to being the starry-eyed kid who thought Seb hung the moon.
How could she fall for his act again? How could she believe a word that evil deserter said again? Yes, Emily did see the irony in her line of thinking.
But she decided to valiantly put all the thoughts of the cold-hearted traitor and what Emily was going to rename ‘the random act of insanity by her brain’ aside. She drove back home and holed up in her office to finish the work, this time without any interruptions. She didn’t know what Seb wanted from her, but she still had her priorities straight.
The next morning, Emily woke up tired after working through half the night and spending the rest tossing and turning. Then she remembered she wouldn’t need to go to the office until later in the day, and it made her morning a little better.
Wait, she wasn’t supposed to count avoiding Sebastian as a win anymore. Because it was insignificant. He was insignificant. She spent the morning finishing her run, making and eating her breakfast, and not thinking about anything at all. She did catch herself touching her lips more than once, but that was just a weird quirk she had picked up randomly overnight.
Okay, maybe her plan was a work in progress!
She had a couple of client meetings downtown, so she took her time getting ready and waited for the company car to pick her up. Right on time, she got the message that it was downstairs.
