“You do not love everything about me. That’s impossible,” I counter, thinking about the way he piled all of my wet towels that I had left on the floor onto my side of the bed. We have very different definitions of “clean.” Or the way I keep trying to “lose” money at his parents' house so I can pay them at least a little without them realizing it. I know I drive him at least a little crazy.
“I do. Even the imperfect stuff, or the things that make us different,” he states, looking out at the horizon line where the deep blue of the ocean meets the candy blue of the sky. “I think I love those things even more, to be honest. It’s a reminder that we chose each other, I guess. It’s always felt easy with you, like breathing, but even when I want to trip you with your wet towel, it just feels fun. I even love the way you wake up grumpy every single morning, no matter how much sleep you get,” he says with an affectionate laugh.
“Well, mornings are objectively the worst,” I argue with a sniff.
He inclines his head in agreement, kicking his foot out so his leg is entwined with mine, and we lie in silence for a little while, soaking in the heat of the sand below us and the steady whoosh of the ocean ahead of us. It’s amazing how much more Dean can experience now with the tether. When we’re touching, he can fully feel the world around him. No more blanket of ether between him and the environment.
In moments like this, he makes it a point to maintain contact so he can feel the sun on his face again and the supportive hand of the earth beneath him. I knew he’d want tosoak this in, so that was another reason to come out here alone. I get so happy watching him just be. His joy is the pitcher that fills my cup. And with someone like Dean, that pitcher is endless.
“Rae Baby! Look at that tan!”Aunt Clarissa exclaims from across the dinner table.
I peer down at my lobster-red chest. “I think you mean burn,” I say with a laugh, touching the sore skin on my collarbone with a wince.
“And that’s why I have beef with the sun,” Wren states matter-of-factly, scooping some tofu taco filling into the tortillas on her plate.
“Right. Definitely not because you’d melt or anything,” I say, nodding sagely.
“You’d better watch it, Rae, or you might wake up tomorrow without any eyelashes,” she goads, making a snipping motion with her free hand.
“Well, that’s an unsettling threat,” Dean says from his place on my side. My family has lovingly (and a little ridiculously) given him a place setting, plate and all, to my right. They’ve accepted him with open arms, and Aunt C in particular is absolutely titillated by our relationship. She hasn’t let me forget that she’s the one who urged me on last year. I miss her most of the time, but I think the distance is for the best. She’d be at our house constantly otherwise.
“Girls,” our mom and Aunt C chime, giving eerily similar looks of warning on their faces.
We both sigh and go back to being mostly polite, onlygetting into a kicking fight under the table once when I casually brought up Julian to our parents. Their following inquisition wassoentertaining. I’ll have a bruise on my ankle tomorrow. Worth it.
Dad launches into a detailed description of his plans to manage a new store, and I listen raptly. I’ve been toying around with the idea of starting an honest-to-goodness medium business where I travel around to help people out. While it’s a different idea than my dad’s, he always has valuable insight.
I love The Veil, but lately I’ve been feeling the itch to start something on my own. My mom had mentioned seeing me in one of her dreams; I was on a plane, zipping from location to location. It made me want to find a new adventure.
That petition to lower the rent increase finally passed a couple of months ago. We all had to refuse to pay any increase for multiple months before Mr. Beauhurst gave in. I guess he figured he would lose money trying to find businesses to replace an entire street. Things are still tight, but it’s given everyone a bit of breathing room.
Lenore has taken over a lot of my managerial duties, leaving me time to do my medium work around town most of the day. After that business owner’s meeting, I started to have a trickle and then a flood of people looking for me to help them talk to their loved ones. Julian’s parents were my first house call. His dad was right; their house was totally haunted. His great aunt had a lot to say about how they renovated her house.
It’s been very fulfilling to help people and have them know it was me. Not having to hide behind a curtain and a false name is oddly rewarding. Sure, I’ve gotten some weird looks, and some of the mean girls from high school turned WASPs give mea wide berth at the grocery store these days, but that’s okay. I’m not for everyone, and I like it that way.
For the first time in thirty years, I finally feel at peace with who I am. I don’t feel the need to run from it anymore. And that’s the greatest gift of all.
EPILOGUE
MANY, MANY YEARS LATER
Wren’s gnarled,arthritic hand curls against my own, our papery skin whispering together as we hold on as tightly as we can. Labored breathing is the only audible sound in the room. The doctor turned off the ventilator a while ago, so the incessant beeping that had blended into the background for me is finally gone.
Death should be coming anytime now, but I’m not afraid. I’ve seen what’s on the other side more than most. I know what awaits us all.
Sort of.
“I love you, you crazy old bat, you know that?” Wren’s voice shakes with the admission. She’s rarely sentimental, but she’s gotten soft in her old age.
I soak in the feel of her hand in mine, and those familiar blue eyes lined with a roadmap of a life well-lived. Even though I know I’ll love where I’m going, it’ll never feel quite like this again.
I take a breath in that feels like trying to breathe underwater and whisper, “I know.” Another painful breath in as the room starts to darken at the edges. “I love you, too. See you later.” Two full sentences nearly deplete my energy reserve, but I have one more thing to say to my stubborn little sister who has always wanted to follow me everywhere and protect me from the world: “Take your time, though. Okay?”
I can feel myself slipping, every string holding me to this elderly, broken body snapping one by one. I wait for her agreement, holding tightly to the last few ties. When she nods, I release the last feeble breath in my lungs, allowing myself to fall into the enveloping dark.
“I’ve been waiting for you,”Dean says, his ever-present smile pulling at his cheeks. He reaches his hand out to mine, and when I take it, light seeps around us. It fills the dark like a warm bath. With Dean by my side, I sink slowly into it, swearing I can taste hot chocolate on my tongue.
“You ready?” I ask Dean, taking a full, painless breath for the first time in months.
“Always,” he replies, tugging me forward into the brilliant light of forever.
