My jaw tightens. “I did. And I shouldn’t have. But Luca and Derek are nothing alike, and the situation is completely different. Derek didn’t sleep with half of your friend group on purpose. He made a huge mistake, came forward, and confessed. I found out by overhearing a conversation between my friends in the men’s room at a nightclub.”
“I’m so sorry you went through all that. That’s some fucked-up shit.”
“Don’t I know it.” I let out a breath, hoping to say something useful. “This might sound trite, but you have to trust your instincts, Ollie. I knew giving Luca a second chance was a mistake the whole time.”
“So why’d you do it?”
“I guess because by then, I was drinking too heavily to be making good choices. You need to take your time, stay clearheaded, and see how you feel after dinner. But move at your own pace. Don’t feel rushed or pressured into making any decisions until you’re ready. You owe him shit after what he did, and he’s damn lucky you haven’t completely ghosted him.”
“That’s good advice. Thanks. Now, let’s return to our regularly scheduled program. Jackson.”
I chuckle. “All roads lead to him, don’t they?”
“They seem to for you. I guess the question is, can you forgive him? Does his reason for not telling you the truth outweigh the pain it caused?”
I slump back into the world’s most uncomfortable sofa. My brain is overloaded after today. On top of finding out about Jackson’s diagnosis, I haven’t even begun to process the Grandpa Rick and Clancy episode of Silverstone’s favorite soap opera,Lifestyles of the Rich and Fucked Up.
“I might get started writing that email and deal with everything else after that.”
“Cool. I’ll keep an eye out for it.”
“Thank you for everything. You’re the best.”
“I am. Love you, Mav.”
“Love you, too, Ollie.”
33
Jackson
“Hey, buddy. How ya doin’?” Pip asks softly, like he’s talking to someone waking up from a coma and doesn’t want to startle them, as he steps into Clancy’s living room.
“I’m fine.”
My hand drifts across the coffee table, tapping until my fingers close around the remote control, and I turn the music off. The upside of no longer being able to watch stuff is discovering this thing called albums. Clancy swears they were all the rage last century.
The sofa cushions dip slightly as Pip positions himself by my feet. “I’ve spoken with Clancy, so I highly doubt you’re fine. And I went to the sanctuary this morning and saw Maverick. Quite the coinkydink, but he doesn’t look fine either. You want to save me hassling you for the next twenty minutes until I get it out of you anyway and just tell me what the hell is going on?”
I drag the blanket up to my neck. Not sure if it’s because I’ve been a mess since my blowup with Maverick two days ago where he fired me, or if sweater weather season has more bite to it this year, but I am chilled to the bone.
“I’m a mess.”
“I figured.”
“I miss Maverick.”
“Figured that, too.”
“Want to read the email he sent?” I’ve told Pip about it, but he hasn’t had the chance to read it for himself yet. “Or rather, what I’m guessing his team of high-priced lawyers wrote. It’s on my phone.” I sweep my arm toward the coffee table.
Pip picks the phone up and starts reading the email I’ve re-listened to a hundred times over. I’ve been parked on Clancy’s couch ever since Maverick fired me. It doesn’t make an ounceof difference that he walked it back via the world’s most official email a few hours later. I can’t go back to the sanctuary. Not with him there. Not with all the pain I’ve caused him. I could hear it in his voice, the soul-destroying sadness when I told him it was over between us.
I know he’d make adjustments to accommodate me. He’s already begun making the sanctuary more accessible and wheelchair-friendly. But it’s not about that. We can’t work together. I can’t be around him. It’ll only remind me what a gigantic prick I am. I’ve treated him badly for long enough already.
It’s better this way. He can move on and forget all about me. Short-term pain for long-term gain and all that. I just wish this short-term pain would fuck off already.
Pip finishes reading the email and says, “The good news is you still have your job.”
