I fold my hands into my lap, pressing down on my thumb for strength. “I’m losing my sight, and I’m…I’m going to be blind.”
“What?”
“I have a condition called retinitis pigmentosa. Got diagnosed when I was a kid. It’s degenerative and leads to full vision loss. Most people reach that stage in their forties or fifties. That’s what I was expecting would happen to me. Except last year, I learned I’ve also developed optic neuritis. It’s rare, and combined with my original condition, it’s accelerated my visual impairment.” I must have started crying at some point while I was speaking because my cheeks are warm and wet. “It’s getting worse. My doctor today said I’m in the final stage before complete blindness.”
Something that sounds like a choked whimper comes from Maverick’s side of the coffee table. “I’m so sorry. What—what are you able to see right now? Can you…can you see me?”
“Kinda.” I raise my hand and wave it in his direction. “I can tell there’s someone sitting there. I can’t see your face or any details.”
“How have you managed to keep this from me? How could I have been so?—”
“Blind?” I finish for him in an attempt to break the tension.
“I was going to saystupid. How could I have missed this?”
“To be fair, only Clancy knew about the latest diagnosis. I only told the rest of my family on the Fourth of July.”
“The Fourth of July this year?”
“Yeah.”
A slight pause.
“That would explain the weird vibe when I returned with Wagner and Sammy.”
“Yep.”
“And why you blink a lot. Why you squint. Why you struggle in low light. Why you were stumbling down the street the first day we met. I thought you’d had too much to drink. Fuck.”
“What?”
“That’swhy you were riding Hope blindfolded.”
“It is.”
“Oh, Jackson.” He stands up and makes his way over to sit beside me on the couch. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Actually, there is.” Now that he’s closer, I press a sleeve to my cheeks to dab the tears away. “I would like, more than anything else in the world, to keep my job. I know it’s a big ask, and I won’t be able to do everything I currently am, so if you want to pay me less, that’s fine. But this place, these horses, they mean everything to me. Without them, I don’t know what I’d do. I just can’t lose this, too.” My voice cracks. “I can’t. Please.”
“Of course, baby. We’ll—we’ll figure something out. Don’t worry. We’ll get through this together.”
Tears start falling again. “No, we won’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t—we can’t be together. I won’t put you through this. It’s bad enough I’m about to burden Clancy again.”
“This isn’t a burden.You’renot a burden,” he states with resolve.
“I told you right at the start that I wasn’t emotionally available.”
“But that was?—”
“No buts. I’ve made up my mind. I’m sorry. I can’t be with you.”
“Jackson, please. Don’t do this.” His voice cracks, the sound an ax splintering my heart. “Don’t push me away.”
I get up, and so does Maverick. He places his hand on me, and I swing my arm away. I’m barely keeping my shit together.I want him to hold me so much, but if I do, my resolve will crumble, and I won’t go through with this. And I have to. I have to let him go.
