I’m not taking Nellie with me to the city. She wouldn’t like it there, and the forest ranger has agreed to adopt her. She already has three other dogs that Nellie likes to play with.
I’ll be back to give over the house on December 30th. I doubt a new family will move in anytime soon since most considered us crazy for being willing to live this close to the border in the first place.
Letting go of the house with all the memories of my family and our night together is going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I can’t keep holding on to it.
Tyton, I don’t know how to say this and I’ve written at least fifteen versions of this letter, but once I close down the house and leave, I can’t promise you that I’ll ever be back.
I hope to find a last letter from you when I return on the 30th, but I fear that you’ll be too mad at me to write me back. In that case, I want you to know that I’ll carry the memory of you with me forever and that no matter what happens in my future, I’ll never forget you or the love we shared.
Love, Devina
Standing up, I took a long breath to steady my heart. My throat was itchy from the tears running down my cheeks and my hands trembled when I placed the letter in the bottle and sent it off with the catapult.
Long after the bottle was out of sight, I stood motionless, rooted to the ground by the immense pain that filled me from knowing my words would hurt the man I loved.
And then I heard it in the far distance. A long howl of sorrow with the word “Nooo” screamed out like someone was ripping out Tyton’s soul.
He had read my letter and even if I’d wanted to scream back, I couldn’t with the way my throat closed, and I couldn’t breathe.
My tears clouded my vision and Nellie whined next to me when I fell to my knees and sobbed.
“Noooo…” The distant roar from Tyton was cutting my chest open and making my heart bleed.
Holding my hands to my belly, my shoulders bobbed as I sucked in air between sobs.
I had lost so many in the last six months and now I was losing Tyton too. He couldn’t guarantee my safety on his side of the border and the only thing that I could guarantee on my side was that I would love him. I didn’t for one second believe that would be enough when everyone else would loathe everything he represented. In the book, Mark had faked his own suicide in order to live with Deidra, but the pain that would inflict on Tyton’s loved ones made that unthinkable.
Ever since I found out that I was pregnant, I’d wanted to tell him so badly. But if Tyton knew about it, he would have climbed the wall and refused to ever leave me.
I should have told him, the selfish part of me blamed myself but in all his letters he’d talked about fishing with Frederick and his father, hiking and racing with his friends. Tyton was social and had people he loved and who loved him in the Northlands. I couldn’t fill all their shoes and if there was anything I understood, it was loneliness.
There was a reason no Nman and Motlander lived together. It was simply because it only worked in a romance.
CHAPTER 28
Publishing
Devina
“This is outstanding work, my darling.” My publisher, Ebony, had her short curly hair under control with a yellow hairband that contrasted with her dark skin. “When you first spoke about an Nman, I thought you were joking, but this story is like something out of the olden days. It’s like you’re writing with a completely new, fresh, and unique voice, and the steamy scenes were so unexpected.”
“Do you think the audience will like it?”
Ebony leaned back. Resting her elbows on the side of her chair, she let her fingertips meet and form a triangle in front of her. “They will either love it or hate it. It’s one of those books. Oh, but don’t look so scared, I was up reading it all night, and I’ve already passed it on to three people here at the office. If they are as impressed as me, we’ll go all in and push this baby so far into the world thateveryonewill know aboutForbidden Letters from the North.” Ebony narrowed her eyes. “This could be your big breakthrough.”
“You think?”
“Yes! I don’t want you to get your hopes up, but I’m thinking of swapping your release date with Anisa’s. She’s on a mountain somewhere meditating and I’m not convinced she’s up for the press tour.”
My eyes found the pictures of Ebony with Anisa, one of the most famous authors in the Motherlands. The two women were smiling at some book-signing event.
“Okay.”
“If we work fast, your book could be going out to librarians next week. If they like it, they’ll share it with the reading groups and we’ll be golden.
“Why rush it? You always said it’s better to take our time.”
“I know, but when you have something like this, it’s too good to sit on.” Pursing her lips, she gave me a mischievous smile. “We’re so close to beating the other publishers, and your book could be our winter miracle.”
