I hesitated before telling her the truth. “Yeah, I miss it, but I’m a grown man. Who would I cuddle with?”
“My youngest sister used me as her pillow. I would play with her hair and draw on her skin. It was one of my favorite things.”
Noticing how her voice broke a little, I lifted my head and looked over at Devina, who had her eyes closed. “Are you crying?”
“I’m sorry.”
My lungs felt constricted because I couldn’t stand seeing her upset. “Do you want me to get you something or tell you a joke?”
“No.” She rolled to her back and dried her eyes with her hands. “But would you hold my hand?” One of her fake eyebrows was hanging loose and the other one was crooked.
“Of course I will.”
“I think these need to dry too.” Pulling the eyebrows off she sat up and leaned over to place them on top of her pants, which lay in the sun.
Our bodies were still cold from the water in the creek, but it felt perfect to me.
Holding out my hand to her I watched her with curiosity. It was the first time she had asked me to touch her and it excited me.
Still sitting up, she turned to me. “If you want you can use me as a pillow.”
“Ehh… How does one use you as a pillow?” I asked.
“Hannah would find the softest place to rest her head.” She patted her stomach and lay back down again.
Turning my body, I lowered the back of my head to rest on her stomach. At first, I was careful and tense, but then her fingers began weaving through my hair and I closed my eyes and relaxed.
“Every time Hannah and I did this she would say the same thing.”
“What did she say?”
“Promise not to fart.” Devina gave a small laugh but with the way her voice shook I knew nothing about this was amusing to her.
“I’m so sorry you lost them.”
“Me too. I don’t think I’ll ever be whole again.”
It was tempting to try and distract her from her sadness, but I sensed that she needed to remember them, so instead, I encouraged her by saying, “Tell me about your family.”
For a long time, Devina told me about them. Her grandmother, who had been a healer, and her biological mother, who had a fierce temperament for a Motlander and who had loved antique romance books.
The other mother in the family unit had been an amazing cook and spoiled all the children.
All the while, talking about her siblings, she was emotional. Some stories made her cry while others made her laugh a little. She had been present when her youngest sister Hannah was born and told me about her pride when the doctor asked her to cut the umbilical cord. Her fingers kept playing with my hair and for the most part I said very little.
Being this close to another person was new to me. I loved my family, but we didn’t curl up and talk about things that made us cry. For her to share such a vulnerable moment with me made me fall even deeper in love with her.
Rolling to my side, I faced her but kept my head on her stomach. “You know what fascinates me about women?”
Devina had been quiet for a while but opened her eyes to look at me.
“The fact that you can give life.” I placed my hand on her stomach next to my face. “A person can grow inside you, and it freaking blows my mind how big of a miracle that is.”
She wrinkled her forehead. “I’ll have to look into that soon. I promised my nana that I would have a child.”
“You mean in one of those clinics?”
“Yeah.” She yawned again. “But I’ll finish my book first, I think.”
