Her voice was so low that I had to move very close to hear her. “What child?”
“Your child.”
I wrinkled my forehead, not sure what she was talking about.
“I don’t have a child, Nana. You know that.”
“Family. Is. Everything.” Every word was forced out like her lungs didn’t have enough air to both breathe and talk.
My head bobbed up and down in agreement. “Yes. Family is everything.”
“Never forget us.”
Raising her wrinkled hand to my heart, I assured her with my tears running down my cheeks, “I’ll never forget any of you. Hannah, Maria, Caro, Justin, Mom, Dad, Mama… and you. You’ll live in my heart forever.”
Her eyelids kept getting heavier and there were long moments when she had to rest before saying a few more words. “Have a... child.”
“You want me to have a child?”
“Mmm…” She gave a tiny nod and closed her eyes again.
It made sense that my grandmother would want me to join another family unit and be part of a community, but didn’t she understand that I couldn’t bear to lose any more family members? What if a new epidemic came? My soul was already in shreds from the massive grief that filled me.
“You must!”
I squeezed her hand a little.
“Children are the greatest gift. They bring new hope.”
“But Nana…”
“Have a child,” she repeated and coughed again. “Promise me.”
I had no choice. Stroking her hair, I gave my dying grandmother a promise. “You have my word. I won’t let our family die out with me. I’ll have a child and if it’s a girl, I’ll name her Andrea after you.”
The tiniest tug of her lip was the only indication that she had heard me. After that she closed her eyes and continued her strained breathing.
I sat with her, holding her hand, while Nana fell into a deep sleep. Several times, I thought she’d taken her last breath because there were long seconds between them, but then she heaved in another breath, and kept going a little longer.
I shared some of my favorite memories with her.
“Remember when you let me dress up in your clothes? You had that red dress that I loved so much and even though it was much too big for me, you said I looked beautiful.
“I’ll miss your baking, Nana. The delicious smell of fresh baked bread and cakes that always made me feel loved and spoiled.” My voice kept cracking as I spoke of childhood memories and my love for her.
Twenty-eight amazing years of my life, I had been loved by this woman, and then on this rainy day in July 2236, my beautiful, strong, and caring Nana took her last breath.
“Nooo,” I let out my soul-wrenching despair in a desperate sobbing that made Nellie, our family dog, come and place her head on my thigh and whine herself.
The pain in my chest made it impossible to breathe, and I reached for Nellie and cried into her fur.
My family is gone.
They’re all gone.
Just three months ago we’d been sitting in this house, celebrating Maria’s twelfth birthday. My brother had given her a large and beautifully wrapped present and laughed hard when it turned out to be a tiny framed picture of himself. Justin had loved pranks and in his sixteen years he’d played a lot of them.
My body felt heavy, as if the sorrow of losing eight family members was measured in bags of lead that would be mine to carry for the rest of my life.
