I moved in my seat. “What’s wrong with cheering people up?”
“It doesn’t help. People giving you advice on how to get over your grief by focusing on the positives are just making it worse. I’ve learned that the best thing we can do when someone is grieving is to acknowledge the pain they’re in and walk next to them as they go through their darkness. It’s not our job to take away their grief, and we couldn’t if we tried.”
“Yeah.” I looked out the window. “I know I’ll be grieving for the rest of my life.”
“Of course you will. You lost your entire family.” Tina weaved our fingers together. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“The worst part is the guilt that I wasn’t there to help. Maybe I could have eased their suffering by reading to them or making sure they had food and water. I’m not saying that I could have healed them of the virus, but as the only survivor of my family, I keep thinking, why me?”
For the next hours, Tina listened as I talked about my family and my grief. She asked questions and let me go back to happier times for a while. It was nice to have someone to talk to about it, but when she suggested for the second time that maybe the place of reflection wouldn’t be so bad, I shook my head again.
“No. I’m not letting anyone tell me what to think or feel. My book wasn’t sick or twisted. It was a love story between two people who had been taught to dislike each other. If anything, it was a beautiful story of acceptance and tolerance.”
“I agree. I loved every page of your book. I’m so sorry the Council couldn’t see how wonderful it was. It’s because they don’t understand how the mind of an author works.”
Her kindness and praise of my book made me squeeze her hand and give her a sad smile. “Tell me about your latest book. I would like to think of something other than my worries.”
Tina did her best to entertain me with her gift of storytelling. She published mystery novels but had dabbled in a romance for her own amusement, although she had no hope of getting it published now that there was a ban.
When we arrived at the house in the forest, we got out and before we had unlocked the front door, the self-driving car had already left us.
“Aww, the house looks cute. It’s exactly how you described it.”
I walked inside with Tina at my heels and felt an instant surge of grief wash over me. Setting down my bag, I walked over to turn up the heat.
“There are blankets on the couch. Feel free to curl up under one.”
Tina plunked herself down on the sofa and covered herself with the white throw-over that my dad knitted a few years ago.
“Let me just turn on the fireplace. That will warm up the living room fast.”
Tina waited until I had lit the fire and joined her on the couch. “Here.” She lifted the blanket and gestured for me to let it cover my feet. “You want to tell me the truth now?”
Again, I hesitated.
“Come on, Devina. The frenzy your book created with all the people dreaming of an Nman themselves happened because you’re an amazing author. It’s not right that they’re banning your book.”
“Why didn’t you say that when Amber was around?”
Tina bit her lip. “Because people are going crazy these days and Amber has changed. I’m not sure, but I think she reported one of her sisters for improper communication.”
“Are you saying that you’re afraid of Amber?”
“Of course not. It’s just that she’s become quite judgmental. If I told her how much I loved your book, she might…” Tina trailed off and lifted her shoulders in a small shrug.
“She might think less of you. Is that it?”
“Mmm, with the way people have treated you, do you blame me for not wanting a piece of that?”
“I could have used someone in my corner.”
Tina leaned forward and reached out her hand to me, her white unruly curls pointing in all directions. “I’m here now!”
My lips tugged upward in a tiny smile.
“So, tell me, is there a real Mark or not?”
I gave a single nod.
