“Going back to Madison is probably the better choice for me, right now,” I agreed, but independent study felt more…attainable. By going on independent study, I’d have more time vetting schools and looking for places to live.
The attorney had explained that I had immediate access to the money and could purchase whatever I wanted. At the time, I hadn’t cared about making purchases or spending the money, but as I rode to school with Alex this morning, I realized a car was probably the first thing I needed to buy. However, I needed to be smart about my purchases. Two million and some change was a lot of money, but it wasn’t limitless.
As if reading my mind, Alex asked, “What’s the first thing you’re going to buy?”
We stopped at the crossways that would take me to third period and her to the opposite end to her third period class as I answered, “I need a car, Alex. Nothing fancy, but something to get me around, so I can handle everything that’s going on, and not be an inco-”
“The last thing you are is an inconvenience, Kenz,” she said, interrupting me. “It’s not like I have some super fancy life you’re interrupting.”
I smiled, and I wanted to tell her how thankful I was for her, but we didn’t have that kind of time. The second warning bell just went off. So, instead, I said, “See you at lunch super fancy girl.”
∞∞∞
Talon~
Last night had been brutal.
Giving Kenzlee her out to go live the life she deserved had been fucking brutal, but necessary. I meant what I had said about not competing with her money even though it killed me to say it.
When I had seen her sitting on the park bench, I had almost back out of my planned speech. I had almost said ‘fuck it’ and forced her to be with me but, in the end, I couldn’t. Even when she threw herself in my arms, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep her. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep her, so I held on to her as tightly and for as long as I could.
I hadn’t meant to deliver my words so harshly either, but that hadn’t taken away from their truth. I loved Kenzlee, but I could never be that guy. While I had no issues with stay-at-home dads, I couldn’t be one of them. I couldn’t stand back and watch my wife buy our house, our cars, our life. I couldn’t stand back and know my wife’s wallet was paying for our family trips or the children’s sports costs. I knew myself well enough to know that, every time Kenzlee bought herself something I couldn’t afford to get her, I’d die a little inside.
I wasn’t going to be a miserable, resentful old man like my father, and I wasn’t going to turn Kenzlee’s life into a miserable circus because I had insecurity issues. The only way I could live with her money is if she never touched it and left it to our kids, and how fair would that be to her? Her father left her money so she could live a comfortable life and she’d have to give that up just to be with me under my conditions. She’d have to give that comfort up just to appease my male ego.
I wasn’t strong enough for a girl like Kenzlee, and once she saw past the harshness of yesterday, she’d see I actually did her a favor.
The bell signaling the end of third period rang, and even after spending every minute of gym class pushing weights, I still didn’t know if I’d be able to handle seeing Kenzlee during fourth. A part of me really wanted to pussy out and skip, but in order for her to believe me and move on with her life, she had to see me at my worst, and that was pretending not to give a fuck.
Coming out of the gym, I ran into Lars, and it looked like he was waiting on me. “Hey, what’s up?”
He fell in step with me and we headed towards our lockers. “How over Kenzlee are you, Tal?”
My entire body froze ice cold, and the rage was suffocating. I turned towards one of my best friends in the entire world and snarled, “I swear to God, if you go near her Lar-”
“Whoa, whoooaaa,” he breathed, his hands up in a surrendering fashion. “Calm the fuck down, dude.” Then his brows furrowed, and he went from surprised to pissed in seconds. “And fuck you for even thinking I’d do some ratched-ass shit like that.”
I stepped back and took a deep breath. When Kenzlee ran out of the park yesterday, I had gone over to Lars and Hunter’s house and told them what had happened. They both thought I was stupid, but they also weren’t blind to the valid points I was making about Kenzlee and her new future. They also weren’t blind to how torn up I was about having to make that decision for both of us.
“Sorry, man,” I mumbled, running my hands through my hair. “I’m…sorry. I’m just still…fucked-up over everything.” I wasn’t too proud to admit my feelings to Lars. We’d been through too much to be embarrassed in front of the guy. Hunter, too.
“I’m just asking because…well, they didn’t see me, but I was walking behind her and Alexandria on my way to third period and I overheard them talking.”
Great.
This was probably the part where he’s going to tell me she already has a new boyfriend. “And?”
“They were talking about her going back to Madison Prep,” he revealed, not realizing the fissure cracking open my chest. I gave him a tight nod to let him know I heard him and turned to continue walking to class. “That doesn’t bother you?”
I snorted. “Lars, at this point, I’d rather her go back to Madison Prep, where I don’t have to see her every day or see her with another guy, than have her here every day waiting for the day I have to murder a motherfucker for asking her out.”
“Good point,” he mumbled, chewing on his bottom lip. After a few steps of silence, he said, “Talon, it’s only money, man. It’s just money.”
I looked over at him wishing he could understand, but like me, he and Hunter have never had girlfriends before. They’ve had hookups, but no one they really cared about. “It’s not about the money, Lars,” I corrected. “It’s about her happiness. Kenzlee shouldn’t have to…struggle in life when she has over two million dollars to her name. And shewouldstruggle if she stayed with me. Dude, she’ll never have diamonds with me.”
Lars scowled at me, and as he walked off, mumbled, “Maybe she doesn’t want diamonds, Tal. If she did, don’t you think she’d have them already. I mean, her familywasfilthy rich.”
I didn’t reply because Lars’ back was already facing me as he delivered that little speck of wisdom, so I headed towards fourth period praying I wouldn’t lose my mind in the next forty minutes.
