“You wanted to talk to me?”
“I did – do.” He clears his throat, clearly nervous. “Well, more like I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
“So, I know I was the one to suggest we be sex-with-no-strings-attached friends, but I’ve changed my mind.”
Before I can stop them, the words burst out, “I knew it. I suspected that’s why you came over. To tell me you were done with this. That you wanted out of our arrangement.”
He frowns at me, his expression unhappy. “What? No. No, that’s not it at all. Well – it is, but it’s not in the way you think. For fuck’s sake. This is way harder than I even imagined.”
“Come on, dude. For the love of all that’s holy, just put me out of my misery, because I can’t figure out where this is going.”
“Not even an inkling?” Bear tilts his head.
“No. Spit it out.”
“I love you, damn it, woman.”
I see his lips move, I hear the words come out of his mouth, and still seem unable to process them. A pendulum of emotion swings violently back and forth between abject terror and absolute elation.
I’m thrilled to hear him say the words because, despite my best efforts, I’ve fallen in love with Bear. I mean, how can I not? He may not be perfect, but he’s perfect for me. I’m petrified he’ll change his mind and walk away when he hears I’m only half a woman.
But he deserves to know what he’s getting into. It’s only fair, especially since he was brave enough to share his past with me. Taking his other hand in mine, I bring them both to my face, pressing them close. With a roll of my wrists, I turn them palm up and place a kiss in each one.
I take a moment to savor the feel of his warm hands against my skin. Stiffening my spine, I lower our joined hands to my lap, drawing the contact out, drawing strength from the connection.
Locking eyes with him, I say the words I’ve only just come to accept myself. “I love you too, baby.”
“You do?” Elation blooms bright on Bear’s face.
“I do. But wait –” I say, to stall him as he starts to stand. When he sits back down, I take the plunge. “There’s something you need to know before things go any further.”
“Okay. Tell me.”
Tell me. Words to strike fear in the heart. I nod once. “You already know part of the story. It’s the rest of it that very few people know. Other than my doctors, my captain, my parents, and my godmother, no one else knows. Not even my partner. You may want to change your mind after you hear what I have to say.”
“I doubt it. Surely you can’t think that little of me that you think whatever it is will make me change my mind about how I feel?” His words, spoken so baldly, hit hard. I’d never thought of it that way.
“I guess it says more about me than you.” Shifting in my seat, I close my eyes – I can’t bear to see his expression change as I tell him my story – and start to speak. “You know about the shooting incident already.”
“Yeah.”
“What you don’t know is that the bullet –” I can’t do it. I can’t get the words out. I feel Bear squeeze my hands, offering comfort, support. Love. I can feel it flow out of him, and it chokes me up. Taking a moment, I compose myself. Then continue. “The bullet ripped through my abdomen, causing massive hemorrhaging. It damn near killed me. But worse than that –”
“There’s anything worse than nearly killing you? I can’t think of one thing worse than that,” Bear interrupts.
His words give me pause. “Nothing? Not one single thing?” I ask, incredulously.
“Nope. Not one fucking thing. This world would be a far poorer place without you in it. Therefore, I can’t think of anything worse than that.”
“Not even losing the ability to have children?” I search his face for any emotion.
“Not eventhatwould – wait.” Bears expression turns to horror. And bam. There it is. That’s the look I’ve feared seeing all along. “You don’t mean …?” I nod, unable to voice the words now that the moment of reckoning has arrived. “No. No, no, no.”
Bear stands up and I fully expect him to head for the door. I’m completely unprepared for it as he lifts me to my feet. “Oh God, princess. I’m so sorry.” He wraps his arms around me, holding me close to his heart – so close I can feel it pounding against my cheek as I rest it there.
His reaction to my news is so unexpected, the sympathy in his eyes almost unbearable. A wave of emotion takes me under, tears well and overflow. They fall faster as I stand cradled in his arms. For the first time since the incident, I finally feel I’ve found a safe space to fall apart.
