“Yeah, I know. But I want to.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Okay.” Her laugh is everything.
“Scintillating conversation we’re having.”
“Ain’t it just, though,” I say, joining in her merriment. Straightening away from the doorframe, I grab her bottle of shampoo. “You ready?”
At her nod, I roll up my sleeves and get to work.
Giving her the full treatment, I wash her hair and body before lifting her out of the water and wrapping her up in a fluffy bath towel. I set her down on the mat and go to work drying her, making sure to rub her down in her favorite body lotion. By the time we’re done I’m so hard I could pound concrete, having all that glorious skin beneath my hands. But this isn’t about me. It’s all about what Eloise needs, and sex isn’t it.
Naked as the day she was born, I lift her into my arms and carry her over to her bed. I tuck her in, just like that. Toeing my shoes off, I climb on top of the covers and pull her into my arms.
“I can see something’s got you down. Want to talk about it?” I ask.
“No.” Her reply is instant.
“Fair enough.” I swallow. What I’m about to do is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and with my career that’s saying something. “I have somethingI’dlike to share with you. It’s not pretty, but it’s part of my history I’ve never shared. Will you listen?”
Eloise gazes up at me, her expression solemn, searching, and more than a little intrigued. I’ll take that – it certainly beats how I found her. “Yeah, I’ll listen.”
This is it. There’s no going back now. I’m about to make myself vulnerable to this woman in a way I never have with anyone else, and it’s scary. Yeah, the big bad SEAL is terrified out of his mind.
“You know my mother passed away.” I feel her nod against my shoulder. “The only people who know some of my story are my team. Nobody else. And even they don’t know everything that happened.”
I run a shaky hand over my brow, damp with sudden perspiration. Tucking Eloise into the crook of my arm, I take a deep, bracing breath before I start.
“My father was – is – an abusive asshole, and a drunk to boot. All I’ve known is stuff I managed to piece together from townsfolk who knew them and were willing to talk to me. Apparently, he hid it from my mother until after they were married. He was a veteran who couldn’t find steady work, but somehow always found a way to afford his rotgut.
“He wasn’t just a drunk – he was a mean drunk. When he was tanked, nothing my mother did was right. There was always something she needed to be ‘taught a lesson’ about, in his opinion.” The image of Mama lying on the floor, a pool of blood growing ever bigger, vivid in my mind, I have to take a moment.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but this is far, far harder than I imagined. Regretting my life choices in this moment, I’m not sure I can finish what I’ve started. The touch of Eloise’s soft hand clasping my mine helps to center me.
“I can see how difficult this is for you. You don’t have to go on if you don’t want to.”
“Yeah, it is, but I need to finish it.”
“All right. Then take your time. There’s no rush.”
I press my lips to the top of her head, resting on my shoulder, grateful for the anchor she provides. “Not knowing any different, I assumed my childhood was normal. It was only as a young teenager that I came to discover, quite by accident, that what went on at home was wrong. Not just wrong but, in fact, reprehensible.
“At fourteen, I went through a growth spurt. I figured if I could get stronger, I could protect my mother from him. So, after school one afternoon, I went to our local boxing gym and spoke to the owner. I couldn’t tell him what my true reasons were, but somehow, I got him to agree to let me come work out at his gym.”
“Do you think, maybe, he knew what was going on?”
“Yeah, probably. Turns out it was the worst kept secret in town. So every day I’d go around after school, and he’d put me through my paces. It started out building fitness and stamina. And then, one day after a particularly bad scene at home, I asked him to show me how to box.
“That old man worked me hard that day. I could barely lift my arms the next day. But I was determined. I kept showing up, and he kept teaching me, helping me hone my technique. One night, when I was fifteen, I was in my room studying when I heard my mother scream. I ran to the kitchen to see what was going on, only to find my father holding her head underwater in the sink.”
“Oh God, Bear. He was trying to drown her?” The horror in Eloise’s voice makes my gut clench. I’m already struggling to get through the story.
“Apparently, he was just trying to teach her a lesson. Always the same story with him. Something snapped in me that night as I listened to my mother gasping for air, and I slugged him. Broke the fucker’s nose. He didn’t take kindly to it. Was all ready to teachmea lesson when Mama stepped between us – to, ah –” The words dry up, my chest heaves, and my air supply dries up. The image of that night is so vivid in my mind’s eye, it’s like I’m transported back to that old farm kitchen.
