Lostin a world of dark and panic, my voice is trapped in my throat. I can’t move, I can’t call out. All I can do is breathe through the fear and the pain and pray someone will find me. Find us. Somewhere, Hunter is lying injured, and I can’t help him. I can’t even open my eyes. In a world all my own, I’m deaf and blind, but I can feel something warm on my hands. What the hell is that?
Time loses all meaning as I lie here, waiting. For what, I’m not sure. To be found? For the pain to stop? For death? Slowly, the pain does begin to recede, and a bone-chilling cold steals through my body. So cold.
My body being jostled brings me out of the dark and into a brilliant world of searing pain. My abdomen is on fire, and it feels like someone’s trying to rip my guts out with a heated fire poker. Holy Mother of Mercy, please make it stop. I can’t bite back the cry of agony that is ripped from the very depths of my soul.
A constant beeping from somewhere close by accompanies my scream.
Jerking awake, sweat pouring from my body, I’m once again saved by the bell – or rather, the alarm.
God, where are these nightmares coming from? After the shooting, I didn’t fight against the mandatory counseling. I felt broken on more than just a physical level and wasn’t equipped to deal with it on my own. And I thought I’d gotten a handle on it, but lately the dreams have come back with a vengeance, ripping the mental wound wide open again.
Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I hang my head and breathe through the nausea and residual panic. The ringing of my cell phone on the nightstand scares the hell out of me as it shatters the silence. I clap one hand over my racing heart and grab up my phone with the other.
“Hello?” I answer the call without even checking caller ID.
“Eloise?” Bear’s deep, dulcet voice washes over me, settling me immediately.
“Hey.” It’s about all I can manage as I work to regain my equilibrium.
“Everything okay? You sound … I’m not sure, but not like your usual happy self.” I’m startled at his remark. Bear might seem like he’s not paying attention, so it’s easy to forget that his life literally depends on his skills of observation.
“Yeah, I’m …” The lie poised on the tip of my tongue fades into silence. Something in me is pushing me to be honest, vulnerable. I’m not ready to bare my soul to this man, but I feel compelled to be as honest as I’m capable of right now. “A bad dream, is all.”
“Wanna talk about it?” His voice has changed, gentled, and unexpected tears well in my tired, aching eyes.
“No, but thank you.” Not a conversation I have the emotional bandwidth to deal with in this moment.
“All good. I can respect that. I’m here when you’re ready, okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” I hear Bear call goodbye to someone, and then I hear a man’s voice.
“Hang on a second?” A brief conversation ensues. I can’t hear what’s being said as I’m assuming Bear has his hand over the microphone. Curiosity at who he’s talking to is soon sated as he comes back on the line. “Sorry, we’ve just finished PT – I’m about to hop in the car and head for home, but I wanted to check in and see what I can take with for this evening and grab it on my way.”
“Oh. That’s very sweet of you, but Mom’ll have all of that covered.”
His seductive rumble of laughter has my core tightening. God, how pathetic is it that the sound of his voice alone gets me all hot and bothered?
“I seem to recall this same conversation not so long ago.” This time it’s my turn to laugh. He’s not wrong.
“Fair enough. Momwillhave the meal under control – she plans these things like a general going to war. But flowers are always a huge hit with her. Or a bottle of wine. Something along those lines?”
“Gotcha. So what time should I pick you up?”
“Oh no, you don’t have to do that. I can send you the address and meet you there.”
A loaded silence echoes clearly down the line. I don’t even need to be in the same space as Bear to feel his disapproval remotely.
“Eloise –” Bear starts, but I cut him off.
“Okay, okay. Hold your fire.” An unfortunate choice of words considering the dream I’m still trying to shake off. “How does six work for you?”
“Perfectly. I’ll see you then.”
“Yeah, later then.”
Blowing out a breath, I push off the bed and drag myself into a desperately needed shower. I have a million things I need to do today and zero motivation to do any of them. My tumultuous thoughts riot through my mind as I get ready for the day, and I’m overtaken with an overwhelming need to talk to my therapist.
Something’s triggering me, and I need to get it figured out, because I can’t go on like this. I’m exhausted and uncomfortable in my own skin. The thought that Bear could have something to do with what’s going on tickles around the edges of my mind, but it’s one I don’t want to examine too closely.
