If I don’t confirm it, it won’t be real.
Laying my head down on her belly, I can’t stem the flow of tears as I silently beg her not to leave me.
I have no idea how much time passes before I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. An unfamiliar voice speaks from somewhere above me. “Come on now, son. Let us help your mama.”
Grief weighing heavy on my heart, all I can murmur is, “There’s no helping Mama anymore, but she’s finally safe from him now.”
1
ELOISE
I shouldn’t have come. I knew it but did it anyway. So here I am – doing my family duty.
The noise level is insane, as it always is at family gatherings. Especially since excitement is high today. It’s my cousin Irene’s baby shower, and my aunt has a full house. So full they’re spilling out into the back yard. Kids are running around, screaming. A million conversations are all happening at the same time. Absolute bedlam.
Since no one would hear me knock anyway, I let myself in through the unlocked front door and search for my mom in the crowd. She can always be found hanging out in the kitchen with her sisters. Mom’s family is a big one, and there’s always a ton of people – something I try to avoid wherever possible.
I’ve always been the odd one out, I guess, struggling to embrace the noise, the press of bodies in an overcrowded room, the constant scrutiny. I’m the black sheep introvert to their extroverted sameness. Sighing, I wave in acknowledgement of various greetings as I make my way back to the kitchen.
“There she is.” My aunt Rose’s voice booms out above the racket. “Come, give your old auntie a hug.”
She envelops me in a big bear hug, and I breathe in the familiar scent of her perfume. “Hi, Aunt Rosie.”
“You okay, baby girl?” I hear her whisper in my ear. Other than Mom, she’s the only one who knows how difficult today is for me.
“Yeah, I’ll be all right.” What else can I say? It does no one any good to tell her it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. Pasting a smile on my face, I step out of her embrace. “How’ve you been? How’s Uncle Ralph?”
“Oh, you know. Same old, same old. The old coot just keeps on keeping on.” She laughs at her own words.
I feel a gentle hand on my back. I’d know that touch anywhere. Turning toward her, I step into my mom’s waiting arms.
“Hi, sweet girl.” My mom hugs me close. Despite how different we are, there’s no one else that quite gets me like my mama. And there’s nothing like her loving acceptance of what my family calls my quirks.
“Hey Mama. You good?” I hold on to her like a lifeline.
“Yep, all good. Daddy says to tell you hi and give you a big kiss from him.” She plants a right old smacker on my cheek, grinning as she steps back, but I can see how closely she’s studying me. The motherly concern bright in her beautiful, smoky grey eyes.
“I’ll be fine, Mama. I promise,” I say quietly for her ears only. She nods but says nothing more. Simply takes my hand and leads me over to the barstools at the kitchen counter.
“Come sit and keep us company while we finish up some more of these appetizers.”
I know she’s trying to distract me, but at some point, I’m going to have to face the elephant in the room. Irene’s mom, my aunt Mara, enters the kitchen, the ever-present frown firmly in place. She’s probably my least favorite of Mom’s siblings.
“Are you guys going to be much longer? We want to get started.”
“If you helped make these fancy damn snacks you decided on, we’d get done a whole lot quicker,” Aunt Rose replies, giving her younger sister the side-eye.
“I would, but I have to keep our guests entertained, you know,” is her snippy reply.
“Then don’t bitch about how long it’s taking.” Aunt Rose shrugs, a challenging light in her eyes as she stares Aunt Mara down.
With a sigh, I lay my head on my mom’s shoulder and pray to be anywhere but here. Did I mention how much I hate family gatherings? Mom drops a quick peck on my forehead. “Go on back to your guests, Mara, we’re about done here.”
My aunt nods before flouncing out of the kitchen. True to her word, it isn’t too much longer when the appetizers are done, and we all make our way to the backyard where they’ve set up for handing out the gifts.
After what seems an eternity but in reality is probably more like an hour some-odd, the gifts are all open, have been ooohed and aaahed over, and I’m getting ready to make my escape when Aunt Mara’s eyes connect with mine.
“So, Eloise, when are you planning on settling down and having some babies of your own? Isn’t it about time you found a nice boy to marry and start a family?”
