“Nope. So, what were you saying?”
“We should do coffee sometime.”
“That would be great. Yeah, I’d like that. I’ve got to dash but let me give you my number quickly.”
I root around my purse for pen and paper. Triumphantly pulling the items out, I scribble my number down. Tearing the page out, I hand it and the small note pad to her to do the same. Indigo tucks the piece of paper in her pocket. When she hands the pad and pen back, I drop them back into my purse.
“Thanks. Well, I best be on my way. Chat soon?”
“Absolutely. Take care.”
With a quick wave, I head back the way I came, my mind turning to Jessen and hoping he’s okay.
* * *
The ringingof my cell phone interrupts my moody contemplation of the ocean through my office window.
“Hi.”
“Hey sweets, just a quick one. Is there anything else you need for this weekend’s book signing? I’m just working through my to-do list.”
“No, not that I can think of. All the books and swag I ordered has arrived; the banner’s been updated; I’m pretty much packed up and ready to rock. Thanks, though.”
“Oh, okay. Great. I’m really looking forward to this one.” A moment’s hesitation, and then Tori asks, “So, how’s the writing going?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Her laughter ripples down the line. “That bad, huh?”
“This damn book is never going to get written, Toni.” I can hear the whine in my voice, but I’m too frustrated to really care.
It feels like I’ve been trying to write it for years instead of the three months that it’s been. Five of those weeks have been some of the most unproductive I’ve ever had in a really long time. Not since I first started writing fiction seven years ago. And it all started when Jessen left on his mission.
It makes me feel so stupid to think it, and I would never dream of saying it out loud. Especially because I don’t even know the guy. I mean, come on. We spent a day together. One freaking day. Yet, I miss him.
Heaving a silent sigh, I shake my head at myself. I feel like such a drama queen. It’s probably just the idea of him that I’m missing, but it sure would be great to get the chance to find out.
And now it’s like I have a mental block with this book. It’s as if I’m using the lack of research relating to my main character’s job as a sniper as a reason for the book to have stalled. To a degree, it does hamper my storyline since what the character does is an integral part of it. It doesn’t mean I can’t write other chapters without it. I’m finding I simply don’t want to now I associate it with the missing Mr. Jessen Ambrose.
“I know I’ve said it before and you didn’t like it, but I honestly think you should shelve the project for the moment and work on something new. Maybe that new series you’ve been wanting to do.”
Urgh, I hate that she’s right. I’ve been fighting it, not wanting to admit defeat. But I’m beginning to see that my stubbornness isn’t doing me any good. I’ve got to get something out there. I can’t wait infinitely until either Jessen gets back in touch or, failing that, until I can find someone else to do research with.
The thought of working with someone else on this project now – that just makes me sad. When I think of my character, I see Jessen in my mind. I would never dream of saying that out loud. To anyone. Not even Toni.
With a sigh, I finally answer her. “I know you’re right. I guess, I’ve just been – well, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to give myself time to wallow about shelving my book baby, for the moment. Then I’ll pull my big girl panties on and start working on something else tomorrow.”
“Wow, it’s really getting to you, huh? It’s not forever. We’ll get your sorted, one way or another.”
“You’re right. I know it. It just sucks. I was barely finding my groove when shit went south.” Tired of talking about the progress – or rather lack thereof – in my current writing project, I change the topic. “Anyway, enough about this. How’s my gorgeous goddaughter?”
Toni shares stories of her nine-month-old baby girl, making me smile. By the end of the conversation, I’m feeling much better. “And speaking of, that sounds like my cue. Best I go get Little Miss out of her crib before she starts fussing more. Let me know if you want to brainstorm around a new storyline. Chat soon.”
“Give our girl all the kisses and tell her Auntie Tigs loves her. Chat soon.”
Hanging up, I sigh for what feels like the millionth time. I hate feeling this way, because I'm usually the upbeat one, the positive one, the one who always looks on the bright side of life. One wouldn't think so, considering my previous career as a crime journalist. Yet I am.
I have no idea what it is about this book, this man who makes me feel this way, but I really don't like it. I really do need to pull myself together. Life is way too short for this crap. Deciding I've had enough of this wallowing, I decide a big glass of wine and a bubble bath is just the thing to lift my spirits.
