I know. Right back at you.
‘Faye is her name.’
Thank **** you went for something classic.
Nina laughed through her tears. ‘I did think about you when Robby came up with that name.’
It’s pretty.
‘You’d love her.’
I bet.
‘I wish you couldseeher, Andrew. She has these tiny little fingers, and, oh, the way she looks at me sometimes. I really wish…’
Aww. I’m with you in spirit. Literally. Ha!
Nina smiled, wiping away tears. ‘You always did know how to make me feel better.’
And I’ll always love you, Neens. Always. How’s Robby?
‘Adores her, like more than I thought…’
That’s good to hear. I’m so glad.
‘Yep, he’s been amazing. There's this way he looks at her as if she’s the most precious thing in the world. It’s really something.’
I’m so glad you’re both loved. That’s what you deserved.
‘I know. It’s just… sometimes I feel guilty as if I’m replacing you.’
Pah! Ridiculous. You’re not. You’re living. You know I would have wanted that.
‘It’s hard sometimes. Loving someone new, feeling like, I don’t know, like I’m getting further and further away from you, but also never wanting to let you go. It makes me panic when Ithink about not remembering you, your face, your smell, us. Like I’m scared, Andrew.’
Just keep me inside somewhere. Bring me out for weddings and funerals, the odd christening. Keep me on your bedside table, if you like.
‘Ha.’
I love that you’re okay, Neens.
‘That’s what Soph said you would say if, you know…’
Trust me, I do.
‘I’ll tell Faye all about you, how brave and silly you were. How much I loved you. How happy we were. The wedding, the flat, you know, the holidays, when we met.’
Don’t forget handsome.
‘How could I?’ Nina chuckled through her tears and blubbed.
I’m glad you’re okay. Kiss Faye for me.
‘I will. Thanks, Andrew, for, you know, talking.’
Anytime, Neens. Anytime.
As Nina stood in the wardrobe a little bit longer, the hot lines of tears going down her cheeks turned to full on ugly crying though the silent version so she didn’t wake Faye. As she stepped out of the wardrobe and did a massive sniff, she felt exponentially upset and calm both at the same time. She closed the wardrobe, and went back to check on Faye and as she looked at her tucked up asleep she felt her heart fill to the absolute brim. She stared at Faye’s teeny tiny eyelashes, little rosebud pink cheeks and most perfect ears and flicked her eyes to the mantelpiece and the collection of frames displaying various pictures of her and Andrew. She plonked herself on the sofa, took a clean muslin out of her changing bag, scrunched it up in front of her, held it up to her face and cried and cried and cried.
