Sophie looked from left to right and made a funny shape with her lips. 'I don’t know, but I suppose there is if that’s what you’re feeling. Super happy and super sad at the same time, especially on a day like this. It’s good to acknowledge it. Feel whatever you need to feel.'
Nina swallowed and nodded. ‘Yep.’
Sophie lowered her voice and pursed her lips together before she spoke. ‘Andrew would be happy for you. You do know that, don’t you?’
'He would be. I guess.'
‘He loved yousomuch, Neens.So much. There is no way he would have wanted you to be as you were in that flat.’
‘I know, and here I am about to marry somebody else and going in a way that I thought my life was never going to go.’
‘It’s staggering when you think about it.’
‘The thing is it makes everything else seem just so final.’
‘How’d you mean?’
‘Andrewreallyis dead, isn’t he? Hereallyisn’t part of my life ahead anymore. I know that sounds weird.'
Sophie nodded. 'Well, there’s one thing for sure; hereallyis dead, Neens.'
Nina sighed, the anniversary had stirred up a strange jumble of emotions for her. It wasn’t as if she’d ever been in total denial about what had happened, but when she thought about it and how she felt now, maybe she had been underneath it all. Perhaps she’d never really believed what had happened. Now that she was about to start a journey with someone totally different, in a completely different part of the country, surrounded by people and in a place her old life just wasn’t part of, she now knew one hundred per cent that she had moved on. Andrew wasn’t in thisnew life of hers. 'It’s all very strange,' she said to Sophie. 'Who would’ve thought I would’ve ended up here?'
Sophie giggled. 'I would have because I kept on about it to you for years. Just imagine if you weren’t here, you would still be in that flat, doing the same old thing, week in, week out. Moping around with that flipping ledge full of flowerpots. That thing used to drive me around the twist.'
Nina nodded. 'It’s true. I think I would’ve still been doing the same if I hadn’t come to Lovely Bay that day on the train and ended up bumping into Robby. I would still be going to work, making food, and being sad and lonely for the rest of my life pretty much. That ledge was one of the only things I let myself do and think about.'
‘You would’ve been okay in the end. It’s just that this prompted it to happen sooner. I think you’ll still be sad about things like anniversaries and birthdays, you know. Actually, I think it’s totally normal to feel like this, and if you didn’t feel this way, it would be more concerning.'
'You really think so?' Nina replied.
'I really do. Anyway, we don’t have toforgetabout Andrew. Maybe we can somehow make him part of the wedding celebration.'
'What do you mean?' Nina asked.
'I don’t know. Like, add something of his, that you’ve still got, to the wedding. Just an idea off the top of my head.’
‘Like what?'
Sophie looked up in contemplation for a second. 'Well, I don’t for a second believe that you got rid of his clothes, so maybe something from those. A card in your bag or something? I don’t know.’
Nina laughed. She was never going to admit that she’d stood in Andrew’s wardrobe more than once and inhaled. 'I may still have them...'
'Well, why don’t you try and maybe pop something into your bag, or have you got something from your first wedding you could have as a memento?'
Nina thought about the boxes in her flat where all her wedding stuff was carefully stored and labelled under the eaves. 'Actually, I think I’ve still got everything. All the cards, all the things from people. Obviously, I’ve got my dress. I had it especially dry cleaned and put away in a box.'
'There you are then. Sorted. Why don’t we pop up there and have a little root through it? You could wear something for good luck. That could be a way of making Andrew part of it.'
Nina nodded. 'I’m not sure if it’s a good idea or not. I’m not sure I can handle the memories of opening the box and feeling the pain.'
Sophie mulled it over for a second. 'Maybe, maybe not. It’s there though if you wanted to try, isn’t it?'
Nina nodded. 'I’ll run it past Robby. Maybe I’ll give it a go.’
25
As soon as Nina got off the underground train and stepped out of the station, she was flooded with memories. Good ones, bad ones,differentones. Suddenly, there she was all those years before, just younger, skinnier, and lighter in both body, mind, and spirit. Then she’d been excited about life ahead with Andrew and their new flat. Nina grimaced; none of those dreams had come to fruition. Death had darkened the door. It had taken Andrew and had given her a ride to a dark place she never wanted to end up in again. Now, she was about to embark on a similar journey but with someone entirely different. Life zoomed around, twisted, and turned in the most mysterious of ways.
