“Would that be so wrong?” Devon was sincerely curious.
Carl shook his head, suddenly looking shy.
Progress, Devon thought.
“Nah.” Carl turned his attention to his fingers and started to pick at a nail. “That’s kind of why I’m a v-virgin. I mean, I’ve had my share of offers, but I didn’t want it to be j-just anyone.”
Devon felt a knot inside him untangle a little. He only half-believed that Carl had a crush on him, but it made him feel better that he wasn’t just an available cock for Carl to use to punch his v-card. Devon didn’t want to be“just anyone.”
“What was your first time like?” Carl asked, raising his head with sudden interest. “Or is that too personal?”
Devon shrugged. “I think what we’re planning to do is really personal, and I wouldn’t want to do it with someone I wasn’t willing to talk to about things like that.”
Carl’s eyes seemed to glow in the gray light from the window, like silver or moons.
“My first time was with a guy I thought I was in love with,” Devon said with a self-deprecating sneer. “I was eighteen and it was the third week of my first semester at college. I’d never felt that way about a guy before. Sure, I’d been attracted, but this was new. Buzzy, you know? Thought I’d die every time he even looked at me.”
“Was he that handsome?” Carl murmured, going back to his nails.
“He was a soccer player. Amazing body.”
“Great butt?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“N-nothing like me then.” He picked at the skin by his thumbnail.
“Your butt’s fine.”
The corner of Carl’s mouth seemed to droop a little and Devon quickly course-corrected. Carl might’ve been a smug little jerk, but he had feelings and insecurities like anyone. “I mean, your ass is great. It’s hard to tell in those jeans since you wear them all baggy, but your ass is pretty cute, from what I can see.”
Carl didn’t look at him, continuing to pick at his thumb. Devon made a note that if he saw Carl’s naked ass, and it seemed very likely he would and soon, he’d definitely tell him good things about it, because even if it was flat, or small, it was Carl’s and that meant it was a pretty sexy ass.
“What was his name?” Carl murmured. “Your first.”
“Beckett. He said all the right things and kept me around for a few weeks after I gave it up to him, but then he was done.” Devon rolled his eyes. He wished that didn’t still sting. “Since then I’ve had other boyfriends, but only one kind of serious one named Jay. And, for the record, I don’t just sleep with guys I’m in love with, but it’s better when I care about them, and I won’t do it at all if I don’t at least like them a little. I’ve been propositioned by men I didn’t know, and even one guy I actively didn’t like, and I’m just not interested.” Remembering Jay, he added, “I’ve been told that makes me prudish, but I don’t really give a fuck what people think, I guess.”
“Fuck whoever said that to you. For real.”
“And, for full disclosure, I’ve had some friends with benefits arrangements, too. Low commitment, but I still know them well. That’s it.”
“That’s what I didn’t want,” Carl said. “Uh, not what happened with your first, but the other stuff. I didn’t want to be with a stranger, and I didn’t want my first time to be with someone I just like as a friend.”
Devon’s stomach tightened oddly. He felt honored by that declaration and harbored doubt about it as well. “But in a way, that’s exactly what this is: a friends-with-benefits-for-the-weekend sort of arrangement.”
“To you, maybe, but not to me. If you don’t think I know you, then you haven’t been paying attention. Because I knowa lotabout you. All the important things.”
Devon scoffed.
“It’s true. I know you’re kind, and that you love your sister. I know you’ll be g-gentle even if it means n-nothing to you.”
“It doesn’t mean nothing to me.”
“But it doesn’t mean as much to you as it does to me.” Carl smiled, and it touched the corners of his eyes. Devon’s heart fluttered. “I get it. But don’t d-downplay my feelings just because you d-don’t share them.”
Devon wanted to say it wasn’t that he didn’t share them, but that he didn’t see any evidence of these feelings in Carl’s behavior, just from his mouth.
Devon said, “You don’t have to flatter me to get laid. I mean, to be honest, you’re not exactly—”
