“What’s okay?”
“This,” Carl clarified. “This is okay.”
“I’d feel better about it all if you’d talk to me,” Devon said.
And if you weren’t acting so damn weird.
Carl studied him again with his cool gaze. “Are you scared?”
Devon blew out a long breath and rubbed a hand through his hair. “Scared? Of you? Or of having sex with you? No. Definitely not afraid of either of those things. But am I weirded out? Absolutely.”
Carl nodded and gestured for Devon to continue.
“Look, you’ve been friends with Hope for a long time, but I barely know you. I don’t sleep with guys I don’t know. I don’t even understand why I agreed to do this.” He flung a hand toward Carl. “And you! You’re being creepy, honestly. It’s like you’re annoyed about this or something.”
Carl shook his head, his blond hair cascading into his eyes again.
“I don’t intend to fuck a guy who doesn’t even want me. Or like me. Orcareif I like him.”
Carl groaned, and the dark sound curled around Devon’s dick despite his misgivings and anxiety. “F-fuck. I’m doing this wrong. I kn-knew I would. I told her.Fuck.” He chewed on his plush bottom lip and then glanced up at Devon from beneath his hair. It was a pretty picture and made him look as innocent as he claimed to be. “Listen, I’m r-really bad with people. Like awful.”
“Yeah? Why’s that?”
“I don’t know. B-b-because I switch off or s-something.” He continued to stutter lightly and then licked his lips. He took a slow breath. “Will it help if I say I’m s-sorry?”
Devon blinked at him. “I think it’ll help if we just go back to the kitchen. Start over. Slow things down. I’m not actually sure we should even do this.”
Carl stepped forward then, his hand making contact with Devon’s forearm. The touch was gentle and his fingers slid tenderly over his skin. Goosebumps rose all over Devon’s body. Carl’s brows bunched up again “The thing is I’m nervous and that makes me act…” He paused, and the next bit came out a little tense. “Like a dick.”
“You don’t seem nervous. You seem perfectly calm.” Well, aside from the new stutters and the pressured sound to his speech. Since when did Carl have a stutter? Though maybe Devon vaguely recalled Hope mentioning once that Carl couldn’t hang out because he was seeing his speech therapist. Devon hadn’t really paid attention at the time, but it must have been for this.
“Well, I’m n-not.”
“So you say. You also don’t act like you care about me or what I want from all this. It’s like you don’t even like me,” Devon admitted. “But if that were the case then I don’t know why you’d want to have sex with me. Why fuck me if you don’t even want to look at me?”
Carl’s hand tightened on Devon’s arm, stronger than he appeared. He tossed his hair off his forehead, gazing up at Devon with earnest, wide eyes rimmed with golden lashes that appeared almost glitter-dusted in the low light from the windows. “You’re wrong.” He again sounded tense, like each word cost him extra effort, so maybe he wasn’t lying. “I l-like you. I’ve liked you a long time.” His lips twisted a little lopsidedly. “I’ve l-l-liked you since before this grew in.” He brushed his hand over Devon’s cheek, touching his scratchy half-day’s growth of beard. “I’ve liked you for y-years and years.”
Devon scoffed, but didn’t jerk away from Carl’s calloused fingers skimming over his cheek. “You’ve only known Hope for like, I don’t know, four years tops.”
“Five this fall, actually.” Carl swallowed, his sharp little Adam’s apple bobbing, and went on, “And I’ve liked you every single one of th-th-those years.”
Devon studied Carl’s face, trying to see past the cool, collected expression. Was he even telling the truth? Devon couldn’t read him. He just didn’t know. “If that’s the case, this is even weirder. You don’t seem excited.”
Carl’s mouth broke into a full-fledged smile and he pulled his hand away. “Because I’m terrified that I’ll…ss-screw this up.”
“Yeah?”
“I do this thing when I’m scared. I g-go all…” Again that tense-sounding speech. “Cold and distant. Remote, my mom says. Ice prince, Hope says.” Each phrase had a slight pause before it that added weight to the words.
Devon lifted a brow skeptically. Aside from his stutters, Carl didn’t seem nervous. His hands didn’t shake, his voice was scratchy but steady, and his eyes remained clear and intense.
Then Carl smirked. “Normally, I wouldn’t even be t-t-talking right now. But for you I’m making an…an effort.”
Huh. An effort? How strange.But if he wasn’t lying, then maybe he did like Devon, and maybe he did want to have sex with him this weekend. Maybe.
Devonwantedto believe Carl and that was unnerving. Though, he supposed he should be able to believe the words of someone he was going to get naked and vulnerable with. “Normally, in a situation where you’re nervous, how do you handle it?”
“Play guitar. Ignore everyone.” Carl tilted his head again, considering. “Or I just get it over with. Whatever ‘it’ m-may be. It c-could be an audition, or a test, or something else that fr-freaks me out. Get it done, and I don’t have to be scared anymore. In this case, it’s sex. With you. And s-sex, period.”
