Urho grimly stalked back into the club and returned with their suit coats. Xan shrugged his on, but Urho held his folded over one arm, panting as he stared out at the dark, churning water below the club. Xan wrapped his arms around himself, the chill from the night air soaking into him, a wet, damp misery.
Once the vehicle was brought around, Urho took the wheel, and Xan climbed into the passenger seat, even though it was his car. He tipped the valet and buckled his seat belt.
“Where are we going?”
Silence.
Xan tried to figure out where Urho was taking him by the turns they made, up and down twisted cliffside roads. But he didn’t think Urho had a true destination in mind.
Eventually, they reached the bottom of the cliffs and drove alongside the beach for some time. Urho pulled off the road and parked the car by the dunes. He got out and marched toward the ocean, undoing his tie and throwing it into the wind. Xan followed after, his stomach churning and blood pumping hard.
Ahead of him, Urho tossed his shoes off into the dunes, and then his socks, before starting down toward the water.
“Urho?” Xan shouted after Urho’s back as he struggled to unknot his right shoe, before finally getting it. He kicked his shoes and socks into the weeds and ran hard after his lover, the cold sand shifting dangerously under his feet when he hit it at full speed.
Catching up to Urho, he grabbed his arm and forced him around, his thundering heart sinking at the dark, stony expression on Urho’s face barely visible in the moonlight. “Talk to me!”
Urho squeezed his eyes shut and wrenched away, staring at the dark, roiling ocean. Clouds had rolled in, obscuring the stars, and the water was only visible as the tossing moon reflected on the waves. The sound of the ocean’s fury was inescapable, though. Waves crashed on the beach, rushing up over their feet and soaking their hems, shockingly frigid.
“I didn’t know he’d be there.” Xan clutched Urho’s arm again. “I haven’t seen him since that night. I swear to wolf-god, Urho. I swear on everything I have and love. Please believe me!”
“I do believe you,” Urho gritted out.
“Then why are you so angry with me?”
“I’m not angry with you,” Urho barked, but he sounded angry as wolf-hell, so Xan didn’t know what to believe.
“Look, I can’t read minds!” he exclaimed desperately. “Talk to me. Please.”
Urho stared at the black ocean. “You went to him. To get fucked.”
Xan swallowed hard, and shame flooding him. “I did.”
“And he hurt you.”
“Yes.”
“And you liked it.” Urho sounded broken.
Xan ripped a hand through his hair, tugging hard. He sobbed, “I don’t think I really did? I don’t know!”
“You went back.”
“I was messed up, Urho! I was angry. I hated myself. Please.”
Urho turned to him then and grabbed him, tugging him into a tight embrace. He tucked his face in Xan’s neck and scented him deeply, shaking all over. It was tough to breathe, squeezed by Urho’s strength, but Xan didn’t struggle or try to get free. Instead, he grabbed Urho back and held on for all he was worth, gasping shallowly as the world swirled around him.
Then Urho released him and sank down to the sand, his filthy bare feet pointing out to the ocean. The waves came up to wash over them and up to his calves. His suit was getting soaked, and he shivered.
“Urho.” Xan squatted next to him. “I never cared for him. I told you that already. And if I have to, I’ll tell you a million times.”
“How long did you see him? How long did it last?”
“A year or so. I’ll never see him again.”
“I know you won’t,” Urho said, his voice raw and tight. “But I should have never let it happen.”
“How could you have stopped it?” Xan asked, reaching out to stroke Urho’s cheek.
