Xan shrugged. “I’ve been very sad for a long time, but I wasn’t sad with you today in your library. Or tonight in mine. Shocked, maybe. Surprised, for sure. But not sad.”
The glow in Xan’s eyes was probably hope. Urho wanted to coax that small flame to life, but he had to be sensible about it. No matter what he felt, or what they’d done, they couldn’t flaunt this in society and not pay a price. “I’ve been sad for a long time too.”
“Because of losing Riki?”
Urho nodded. His beloved’s name on Xan’s lips should have rankled, or at least brought with it a stab of guilt given what he’d done with Xan right beneath Riki’s portrait earlier in the day, but it didn’t. Instead a warm pleasure filled him, as though maybe Xan might hear Urho’s stories of Riki and help keep him alive by listening. To his surprise, whathefelt was hope too. “I still grieve him.”
“Of course you do. And then you lost Vale,” Xan said cautiously, as though Vale was the more prickly topic when it came to Urho’s prior loves.
Urho smiled. “That was hard, but nothing like losing Riki. My relationship with Vale was always doomed to end, even if Jason hadn’t come along that night in the university library.”
Xan sucked in a breath. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice you then. I was too busy holding Jason back from justtakingVale right there in front of wolf-god and the whole wide world to notice anyone else. That and dealing with the realization that my own puny plans for my future with Jason had just gone up in flames.” Xan snorted, but then went on wonderingly, “Until just now, I’d nearly forgotten that you were there that day.”
“Both of us supporting characters in other men’s love stories.”
“Yes.”
Urho smiled. The fire crackled. “This room is very modern.”
“Caleb likes things to look clean. He wears white except for his baubles and paints, and his room is a nest of white fluffy everything. He says it’s calming to him, and he keeps his areas as sparse as possible. Everywhere except in his print studio.Thatis a bird’s nest and a fire hazard, if you ask me. But it makes him happy, so I don’t forbid it.”
Cool relief flooded Urho to have left behind discussion of love and past lovers. He grabbed on to this new information about Caleb. “He’s an artist?”
“Supposedly,” Xan said, laughing gently. “I haven’t seen any of his work, but he spends a lot of time in there and then comes out covered in ink. It’s cute.” Xan’s eyes sparkled fondly. “He’s cute.”
A strange, fragile jealousy grew in Urho—unbidden and imperfect. “And you don’t want him between heats at all?” Clarification on that seemed incredibly important. “You’re truly all right with his frigidity?”
Xan frowned. “I am. I don’t find him physically or sexually exciting. He smells like an omega, and the alpha in me does respond to that in some ways. Like, I want to protect him and care for him. But fucking him is not something I want to do. Which is lucky since Caleb would hate it if I did. And we already told you the word ‘frigid’ is very rude and it makes Caleb angry. He prefers asexual.”
Urho inclined his head. “I tend to fall back on the old-fashioned terms. Vale is always arguing with me about that. Out of respect for Caleb, I’ll try to remember to use this new term.”
“It’s not new. It existed in the Old World too. It means someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction.”
“And he doesn’t?”
“No.”
“Not even during heats?”
“Not really. He says being in heat is like having a really, unbelievably intense itch that he can’t reach. It feels amazing when someone finally scratches it for him, but that doesn’t mean he’s attracted to the person doing the scratching. He says he prefers it be with someone he cares about. Would most like it to be someone he loves as a friend.” Xan chewed on his lower lip again.
“But his heats are like any other omega’s?”
“I guess? I don’t know for sure. I don’t have any experience other than the one heat we’ve shared together, so I can’t say.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “It was a disaster. A complete wreck. I couldn’t stay hard for very long and he was in so much pain. I tried fisting him, and using the alpha dildo, but it wasn’t enough. He needed a knot, and it was…” Xan’s mouth wobbled. “I hate myself for that entire situation. I let him hurt.”
“You didn’t call for assistance?”
“I asked my father to arrange for something once I realized that I truly wasn’t going to be able to satisfy him, but by the time a suitably discreet man arrived, the heat had passed. I managed to knot him once a day for the duration—”
Urho held back a gasp. That wasn’t nearly often enough. Poor Caleb! He must have been in agony.
“I think with the pills…?” Xan rubbed at his eyes, pinching between his brows and sighing in frustration.
“They’ll help,” Urho agreed. “But I’ll help too. Caleb won’t suffer again.”
“But we’ll be in Virona by then.” Xan looked up worriedly. “Won’t you need to stay here with Vale for his pregnancy?”
Urho frowned. “When is Caleb’s heat due?”
