Drying off and dressing, he made up his mind. After going into his bedroom pharmacy, pulling out a tub of pills, and dividing them out into a pillbox, he called to Mako to hold his dinner. Then he left the house with a hammering heart and a whisper of worry in his mind, along with a hint of warning throbbing in his pants.
He needed to see Xan.
Face-to-face and man-to-man. And if he was jittery inside and feeling high on emotions he hadn’t experienced in years that was all the more reason to go to him.
Now. Before he lost his nerve.
“Do you thinkhe ever gets lonely?” Caleb asked, lolling on his bed in a loose pair of pants and a V-necked white shirt.
His blond hair was tousled, and his fingertips were stained red from new ink he’d been trying out in his print studio. In a small room in the back of the house, he created bits of art on sheets of thick paper. He was never quite satisfied with any of them, though, and showed the outcomes to no one, not even Xan.
But he never threw away his so-called failures either. He hoarded his ink and paper creations in stacks that Xan was convinced were a fire hazard, but he kept that opinion to himself.
“Who?” Xan’s mind had gone immediately to Urho, though he’d hoped they were done discussing the man. He’d told Caleb that he’d stopped by Urho’s house and that he’d agreed to prescribe the medications.
Assuming Urho simply hadn’t had the pills on hand, Caleb had hugged Xan hard. “Thank you,” he’d said. “You truly believe this medication will help?”
“I hope so.”
But hope didn’t seem to cut it for Caleb, because he’d pressed on, asking, “And if it doesn’t?”
“We’ll make a backup plan, but unfortunately any plan we settle on will have to be made in Virona,” he’d said, and then he’d explained all about his meeting with Ray.
It was a relief to talk to Caleb about his father’s displeasure, his cousin Janus’s favor in his father’s eyes, Ray’s intervention, and their upcoming displacement, but it was strange to be so open about those issues, all the while keeping the true events during his visit to Urho’s house a secret.
Even as they’d discussed the motivations for the move and the necessary preparations for it, he’d remembered the hoarse cry of Urho’s pleasure and the hot splatter of his come against his skin.
Xan wished he hadn’t needed to wash so thoroughly. He still craved the scent of it. He wanted to taste it again. Most of all, he wanted to feel the way he had in Urho’s arms—at his command, quite nearly beloved.
He’d almost believed Urhocared.
But that was ridiculous and just the product of an overactive imagination. Xan was moving to a new city very soon, and Urho’s offer, generous as it was, and pleasurable as the sample had been, wouldn’t be of any help when he was three hours away by the seaside.
Also, maybe he was still in shock. He didn’t know what to think, what to believe, and a large part of him wanted to run away from Urho as quickly as possible before he let himself do something stupid like hope. Even if the move to Virona did feel like punishment for something he couldn’t entirely control, between Monhundy and now this, it couldn’t have come at a better time.
“I’m speaking of Ray, of course,” Caleb said, referring back to his question of loneliness. “He works so hard for your father, day and night. Does he even have a lover? Do you know?”
Xan shrugged. Their interactions had always been quite one-sided: older Ray trying to keep younger Xan out of bigger trouble. It’d never occurred to Xan to ask his brother about his feelings, romantic or otherwise.
“I think he must be lonely,” Caleb said, rolling onto his stomach and propping himself up on his elbows to smile at Xan.
Xan stared out the window, watching the beta servants below working on the layout of their spring gardens—the fruits of the servants’ labor now something he and Caleb would have to miss.
“Perhaps he is,” Xan conceded. “But that’s his problem. Ours is preparing to move. By the weekend. It’s not much time to get everything ready.”
Caleb nodded, rising gracefully from the bed, his long legs and arms moving like a dancer. “I’m glad. This is exactly what I’ve prayed for.” His eyes shone. “I’ve asked wolf-god for this every night, lighting the incense, and kneeling by my bed like a good omega should.”
Xan blinked. “What do you mean?”
Caleb crossed to him, folding into Xan’s arms. “I love you dearly, my friend. To get you away from that monster, I’d go anywhere, do anything.”
Xan hugged him close and fought down the lump in his throat. “What if I find another monster in Virona?”
“You won’t,” Caleb said fiercely. “We’ll build a new life there without any monsters in it. You’ll see.”
Xan kissed Caleb’s temple and sighed. The monster was inside him. He didn’t think there was any true way to escape that fact.
“And what about your family?”
