Pluto was the one who finally broke it. She looked up from her menu and asked softly, “How you been?”
I shrugged. “I’m straight.”
That was all I gave her, and she knew it. I wasn’t about to spill myself out on the table for her again, not when every time I did, she acted like it was too much. I had to guard my heart, even if it felt unnatural with her.
She nodded, her eyes droppin’ back to the menu, but I could tell she wanted to say more. A couple minutes passed before she asked the question I knew was comin’. “Kashmere and Ka’mari… they still at the house?”
I stared at her for a long second, not rushin’ to answer. “Yeah,” I said finally.
Her lips pressed tight, and I caught the flicker in her eyes. She felt some type of way, no matter how much she tried to hide it. She didn’t argue or ask why, she just let it hang in the air like she was swallowin’ the words she really wanted to say.
Then she asked, “Do you even know who you wanna be with?”
I leaned back in the booth, lettin’ my eyes rest on her. “I thought it was gon’ be you,” I told her, plain and simple. “But it don’t seem like that’s what you want.”
She shook her head fast. “It is what I want. I just… I gotta make sure Zurie stable first. I can’t leave her, not like this.”
Her voice sounded honest, but to me it was just another excuse. Every time we got close, she found a reason to push me away. Her parents, her sister, her fear, this, that and all this extra shit. I respected her situation, I understood she had a lot on her plate, but love was love. If she wanted me the way I wanted her, she would’ve been by my side no matter what.
I nodded slow, sippin’ my drink. “Do what makes you happy.”
She frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shrugged. “It mean do what you gotta do.”
The food came, but neither of us had much appetite. We ate slow, the space between us heavy. She was there in front of me, beautiful and strong and everything I wanted, but I could feel the wall she kept between us.
And that’s when it hit me—no matter how much I wanted her, no matter how much I showed up, I couldn’t beg her to choose me. I had already done that twice, and both times she let me down. I had to protect myself now. I had a house with two women waitin’ back home, a whole plan for my future, a legacy to build, and I couldn’t drop all that just to keep chasin’ someone who wasn’t ready to stand beside me.
I loved Pluto, but love wasn’t enough if it only ran one way.
So, I sat in the booth across from Pluto, lettin’ her excuses roll through me, remindin’ myself that if she ever wanted me, she’d have to come get me this time.
While waitin’ for the check, I ain’t say much to Pluto. I wanted to, but at the same time I couldn’t. Every time I thought about openin’ my mouth, I remembered all them times I already laid myself out in front of her, tellin’ her I wanted her, beggin’ her to come home with me, promisin’ her shit no other woman ever got from me, only for her to push me off like it ain’t matter. So, I sat there and kept my eyes on the black folder the waitress dropped off.
I slid my card in it, pushed it to the end of the table, and leaned back while the waitress took it. Pluto sat across from me with her hands folded, starin’ at the table like her mind was runnin’ a thousand laps. I ain’t press her. I ain’t ask what she was thinkin’. The waitress came back, dropped my card and receipt off, and I signed without even lookin’ at the total. Money wasn’t the issue. My peace was.
We left out and the ride back was quiet. Not the comfortable kind of quiet, either. She was lookin’ out the window like the world outside had answers I couldn’t give her, and I was behind the wheel thinkin’ how I was supposed to let this woman go even though every piece of me still wanted her. Then my phone lit up in the cupholder. It Ka’mari. I opened the text at a red light.
Where you at? You good?
I typed back,I’ll be back later. We need to talk.But I ain’t say what about.
We pulled up to the hotel, and it was like routine. After I swiped the card key, we stepped inside, and she grabbed her clothes, her soaps, and a towel without sayin’ much. She disappeared into the bathroom and turned the water on, leavin’ me to sit on the edge of the bed with my thoughts.
Twenty minutes passed, and the water shut off. The door cracked open, and when she stepped out, she was naked. Her body was wet, skin glistening, hair wrapped in a towel and body lookin’ the same way I remembered the first time I touched her. Every curve still hittin’, every inch of her remindin’ me what it felt like the last time I slid my dick inside her. My chest tightened up rememberin’ that one night of me whisperin’ in her ear that I wanted her to marry me while I was balls deep in her pussy, swearin’ I would never want nobody else if she said yes. That shit haunted me because it was the truest thing I ever said in my life, and she still ain’t choose me.
She walked straight over and straddled me, her bare thighs wrappin’ around my waist, her arms loopin’ around my neck. Her lips found my forehead, then my cheek, then my mouth, and my dick got hard before I could even think. I wanted her. God, I wanted her. My hands damn near itched to grab her ass, slide up her back, hold her down and fuck her until she couldn’t breathe without me.
But the other part of me was screamin’ not to do it. Not to give her that piece of me again, ‘cause every time I did, I was the one left lookin’ like a fuck nigga after. She kissed me deeper, and I felt it in my soul, but I couldn’t…
I stood up with her still on me, her legs squeezin’ tighter like she thought I was about to throw her on the bed and fuck her good. I laid her down gentle instead, slid her arms off my neck, and stepped back.
She blinked at me, confused as hell. “Pressure… I don’t get it.”
I ain’t answer. I couldn’t, ‘cause if I opened my mouth, I might’ve begged again, and I swore I wasn’t gon’ beg no more.
“Why you actin’ like this?” she asked, her voice shakin’ like she ain’t never expected me to pull away from her.
