His words hit like blows, but not because I felt guilty, but because I wasn’t used to no man aiming his anger at me like that,especially not in my space. Not even my father came at me this direct.
Ka’mari stood off to the side, her arms crossed tight like she was holdin’ herself together. I caught the shine in her eyes. She was tryin’ not to break, but she was breakin’ anyway, torn between the man she came from and the man she kept runnin’ back to.
I let my eyes drift back to Darius, and my thoughts went left.Crazy how you in my crib, talkin’ reckless, like you pay bills here. Nigga, you don’t run shit in this house.
I could feel the heat in my chest, but I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of seein’ me lose it. Instead, I shifted my eyes to Ka’mari. My voice stayed calm. “You wanna leave with your pops or you gon’ stay here with me?”
I then stood up and headed toward the door, just in case I wasn’t makin’ myself clear enough.
Her head snapped toward me. She heard what I was really sayin’. If she didn’t check this shit, I was seconds away from puttin’ this old ass, bitter nigga out on his ass. And she knew it, ‘cause she knew me.
That’s when her tears finally fell. She wiped at them quick, but more came. She looked between us—me, the man she couldn’t let go of, and him, the man who raised her— and I swear the silence stretched long enough for the whole mansion to feel heavy.
Finally, her voice cracked. “Daddy… I’ll call you later.”
Darius’ jaw tightened as he shook his head. His eyes cut into her like she was a stranger. “If you want to live a life of pain with someone who treats you like an object, that’s your choice. I’m done. I’m washing my hands of this entire situation. If he chooses to marry you, which I doubt, I want no parts of it.”
He turned for the door without even glancin’ back at me. That might’ve been the only thing that kept me from sayin’somethin’ out loud, because I was right there, ready. Ka’mari wiped her face, squared her shoulders, and walked him out to the car. I stayed inside, my arms crossed, watchin’ from the doorway, lettin’ him walk out my crib without another word.
They went back and forth about some shit for a minute, then he got in the car and pulled off slow. Ka’mari came back in, her eyes red, and shoulders low like she lost a fight she never wanted to be in. She didn’t look at me right away. She walked past, sniffed once, and pressed her hands to her face.
I didn’t chase her. I didn’t say shit either. I just stood there, feelin’ that same conflict I had been fighting for weeks.
If there was ever a sign that I needed to leave this shit with Ka’mari alone, this was it.
It was 9 p.m. and I was sittin’ on my balcony, still mad as hell about the hoe shit Kashmere’s hoe ass daddy said to me. I don’t even know why I let that old nigga get under my skin, but he had. Him walkin’ in my house, tryna flex like he could speak my future into existence, like he had any say in how his daughter should move with me—it stayed with me longer than I wanted it to. I wasn’t even smokin’ this time, but instead, just sittin’ here in my chair, lookin’ out at the trees that surrounded the estate, thinkin’ about all the bullshit that done gone down under my roof these last few months.
I was down to two women now—Ka’mari and Kashmere. That shit alone was wild to even think about. I started with twenty, really nineteen… a whole squad of Diamonds, each one walkin’ through them doors with a dream of wearin’ my ring, and somehow this circus been cut down to just two. At this point it felt like both Kashmere and Ka’mari had history with me. Bothof ‘em could get under my skin in ways nobody else could, and both of ‘em had me wonderin’ if I was even meant to choose either one.
My mind drifted to Toni, because I realized I never even addressed her leavin’. One day she was here, laughin’ in the kitchen, talkin’ loud as hell about how she could out-cook half my chefs, sweatin’ with me in the gym, rollin’ my weed better than I could, and then the next… gone. Just like that. No goodbye, no pull-to-the-side conversation, no note slid under my door. She just dipped, like none of it mattered. And I ain’t gon’ lie, that shit stung. I thought me and Toni was tighter than that. I thought at the very least she would tell a nigga she couldn’t stay, that this life wasn’t for her, but the silence she left behind said everything. It made me feel like she ain’t value the time we shared the way I thought she did.
And then there was Lola. I really had a whole damn transgender in my crib and I don’t wanna hear shit about no TRANSPHOBIC shit. That one still threw me sometimes, not ‘cause I judged her, but ‘causeI let myself get blindsided. Lola had personality, no doubt. Before I knew she had dick and balls under those dresses and thought she was all woman, I thought she was bold, and witty. She could shut a room down, and she brought her own kind of energy to the mansion. But it also made me sit back and wonder what the fuck I had turned my life into. Cameras might not have been here, but the shit felt like a twisted reality show sometimes.
Zaniyah flashed through my head too. Sweet lil’ thing with dimples deep enough to drown in. Funny, always crackin’ jokes, never took herself too serious. She had a way of lightenin’ up the room, makin’ even the craziest arguments between the other women feel less heavy. I used to catch myself smilin’ when she talked. She was one of the ones I caught myself missin’ sometimes.
I rubbed my face and leaned forward, my elbows on my knees. This shit had been an emotional roller coaster, no doubt about it. I told myself I was built for it, I could handle the chaos, but the truth was, every woman that walked out left some piece of weight behind for me to carry.
Then my mind slid back to Kashmere. Her people was beautiful on the outside, luxury drippin’ off them in every direction, but inside? They wore dysfunctional all over. Her mama was bold enough to sit across from me and say her daughter wasn’t good enough. I peeped that for what it was though. A mama that don’t believe in her child cuts deep, and now I saw why Kashmere moved the way she moved. A lot of her wild-ass behavior, the way she has been needin’ validation lately, it wasn’t even her fault. That shit started at home. And I couldn’t even fully blame her for it no more. Then let’s be real… her mama was an undercover hoe.
Ka’mari was a whole different problem. I leaned back and blew out a breath, thinkin’ about her. I knew in my heart it was time to let her go. I ain’t even want to admit it at first, but the truth was right here in my face. The first sign was that my body couldn’t even respond to her anymore. That night in the hotel proved it. My dick wouldn’t even get hard for her, and I could try to act like it was stress or too much liquor, but deep down I knew the truth. That chapter was closin’. The only reason I was still holdin’ on to her was because of what we lost. Seven months pregnant, and the baby gone just like that. That grief tied us together in ways nothin’ else could. The truth was… me holdin’ on to her, meant holdin’ on to my son. But grief wasn’t no foundation for a future.
And even if I wanted to try again, what was I really signing up for? A lifetime of sittin’ across from her disrespectful-ass daddy, listenin’ to this nigga remind me how I wasn’t Donovan? I couldn’t stomach that. I would fight the world for a woman Iloved, but I wasn’t about to fight her daddy every day just to prove myself. That shit was dead.
The longer I sat there, the more tired I felt. Not tired like I needed sleep, but tired in my soul. Tired of the games, the arguments, the tears, the constant proving. I wanted peace. I wanted somethin’ that made sense.
Then, my phone buzzed on the small table beside me. I ignored it at first and kept starin’ out at the jungle lights glowin’ under the moon, but it kept vibrating, pullin’ me out of my thoughts. Finally, I reached for it, and when I saw the name across the screen, my chest locked up.
It was Pluto…
I hadn’t heard from her in two weeks. My thumb hovered for a second, then I answered. “Hey,” she said, her voice soft.
“Hey,” I said back, my tone lower than usual.
In that moment, all the noise in my head quieted. I couldn’t even explain it. Hearin’ her voice after all this time felt like air hittin’ lungs after bein’ held underwater too long. My chest felt different, heavy but full at the same time.
She hesitated, then said, “Zurie has to have surgery in the morning… and I would like for you to be there.”
I froze, the words sinkin’ in. For a second, I ain’t even know what to say. My heart was beatin’ hard as fuck against my ribs. Finally, I said, “I’m on my way.”
