When Pluto finally made her way through the hotel parkin’ lot, she was wipin’ tears from her face. I sighed and put my head down ‘cause I just didn’t wanna deal with the shit right now. My chest was still hot from the argument, my mind runnin’ circles, and even though part of me wanted to just peel off without her, I stayed. That’s how much she had a hold on me, even when she was pissin’ me the fuck off.
She slid in the passenger seat quiet, not sayin’ a word. I ain’t look at her. I just grabbed my phone, punched her address in the GPS, and pulled out. My jaw was tight, my hand heavy on the wheel, and all I could think was how I flew all the way out here, laid my heart in her lap, and now she still actin’ like she don’t know what to do with it.
The ride was quiet, only sound comin’ from the low sound of the engine and the soft voice on the GPS tellin’ me where to turn. I had my gun sittin’ on my lap, my fingers restin’ on it while I drove ‘cause I ain’t know shit about this city, and I wasn’t about to get caught slippin’. Out the corner of my eye, I seen Pluto glance at me, her face calm like always, like she wasn’t just the reason I stormed out that hotel ready to lose my mind.
Then she reached for my hand.
Her fingers slid over mine slow and gentle, like she knew I wanted to snatch it back but she wasn’t lettin’ me. I thought about pullin’ away—I swear I did, but the calmness she carried always fucked with me. It was like she had this way of coolin’ down the fire I kept burnin’ inside. I ain’t say nothin’, though. Ikept my eyes on the road, kept my mouth shut, but she held my hand in her lap, kissin’ the back of it soft. That shit made my chest twist up ‘cause as mad as I was, I couldn’t lie—it felt good.
We ain’t talk the whole ride. Her quiet was loud as hell, but it didn’t feel like the same kind of loud I was used to with other women. Kashmere would’ve been screamin’, Ka’mari would’ve been talkin’ shit, but Pluto just sat there, holdin’ my hand like her silence was supposed to tell me everything she couldn’t say out loud.
When I finally turned into her neighborhood, my stomach dropped. The closer we got, the worse the streets looked. Houses leanin’, grass growin’ wild, kids runnin’ around with no shoes on, and grown folks sittin’ outside like they ain’t have shit else to do. The buildings was run down like a muthafucka, paint chipped, windows broke, and I felt my anger risin’ all over again. Her ass would rather stay here, in this bullshit, than in luxury with me where she’d be safe, loved, and spoiled like she deserved. I wanted to go off right then, cuss her out, tell her how crazy she sounded for choosin’ this life over what I was puttin’ in her lap. But I bit it down. My pride told me to shut the fuck up before I said some shit I couldn’t take back.
I slowed as I pulled into the lot of her apartments. Shit was raggedy, no other word for it. I sat there lookin’ at the cracked bricks, the busted railings, the dirty-ass steps, and shook my head. I ain’t say nothin’, though. My jaw flexed, but I kept my thoughts in.
Pluto turned her face toward me, her voice soft as ever. “Can I have a kiss?”
I looked at her, then looked away quick. My pride was loud, my heart was louder, but I wasn’t ready to fold. I leaned forward just enough to give her what she asked for but I ain’t let my eyes meet hers. I couldn’t. I was too hurt, too stubborn.
Then she reached up, tugged my beard with one hand while the other cupped the side of my face. She pulled me in and kissed me so gentle it damn near broke me in half. I felt my eyes close against my will, then felt myself lean into her soft lips even though I swore I wasn’t gon’ give her the satisfaction. It was like my body betrayed me, choosin’ her even when my mind was screamin’ at me to let go.
When she pulled back, she whispered, “You got my address, so you got my number. If you ever wanna call me, don’t hesitate.”
I didn’t say shit. My throat was tight, my pride too loud, so I just stared past her, my hand slidin’ back on the wheel.
She looked at me for another second, then sighed, grabbed her keys, and slipped out. I watched her walk across the lot, her head held high even with her shoulders weighed down, and it cut me deeper than if she had turned around and cursed me out.
When the door closed and she disappeared up them busted-ass steps, I put the car in drive and peeled off. I didn’t look back.
By the time I made it to the private airfield on the edge of the city, the sun was just startin’ to climb, castin’ long shadows across the runway. My jet was already waitin’ under the early light. I pulled up to the spot where they had somebody ready to take the rental back, slid the worker a thick tip, and grabbed my duffel.
Walkin’ toward the jet, my heart felt heavy as fuck. I told myself I was gon’ get back strong, get her out my system, and move on. I loved Pluto, but she was killin’ me, and I couldn’t let another woman drag me through the mud like Ka’mari did. I wasn’t built to be weak.
I climbed the steps, stepped inside the cabin, and dropped down into the leather seat. The flight attendant greeted me, but I waved her off. I wasn’t in the mood for shit. As soon as we lifted off, I rolled another blunt, sparked it, and pulled in smoke untilmy chest burned and the world blurred. I smoked until I couldn’t see straight, until my anger and my hurt tangled together so bad I couldn’t tell one from the other.
I told myself I was still gon’ send Pluto that money. I gave her my word, and unlike most niggas, my word meant somethin’. I was gon’ make sure Zurie got that surgery, no matter how stubborn Pluto was fuckin’ bein’. But after that, I was done. I had to be. I couldn’t keep lettin’ her pull me out my lane. I couldn’t keep lettin’ her calm make me weak while my heart was out here losin’ itself.
The smoke swirled thick around me as the jet cut through the clouds, and I leaned back in my seat, eyes half-closed. I was hurt, I was pissed, I was in love, and I was losin’ my damn mind. And the craziest part was—I still didn’t know if I had it in me to let her go.
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
When my jet finally landed, I stepped off that bitch with Pluto still sittin’ heavy on me. Her scent was all over my shirt, her marks on my neck stingin’ like she was tryna suck the blood out a nigga last night, and her face was stamped behind my eyelids no matter how much I tried to shake it. I walked down the stairs slow, tryin’ not to think about her but endin’ up right back at the way she kissed me, and the way she held me like I was the only nigga she ever loved.
The driver already had the SUV waitin’ and the back door open. I slid in and dropped back against the seat, not sayin’ a word. The city ain’t even register outside the window. All I could see was her, and how she had me fucked up. I pulled out my phone and stared at her name lit up on my screen.Plutowitha crown next to her name, saved just like that. My thumb kept hoverin’ like I wanted to text, but my pride wouldn’t let me. I was supposed to be done with her ass.
I typed and erased.
You trippin’.Deleted.
I miss you.Deleted.
Why you fuckin’ playin’ with me?Deleted.
I tossed the phone on the seat and dragged my hand down my face. I knew I had to leave her alone. She told me what it was with that calm little voice of hers. That was her way of lettin’ me know she couldn’t rock with me the way I wanted. And if that’s what she was showin’, then why the fuck would I keep knockin’ at her door? Why would I keep lettin’ myself chase behind her when that shit only leave me twisted?
It was her indecisive ass that had me sittin’ in two worlds. One second she was in my arms cryin’, tellin’ me she love me, the next she pullin’ back talkin’ about how it ain’t that simple. I asked her to marry me last night, and I meant that shit, but she clearly wasn’t goin’. She was the reason I ain’t kicked the rest of the women out yet. Every time I thought about makin’ a move, my mind went straight back to the bullshit she was on, and I stopped myself. I had been so caught up runnin’ behind Pluto that I ain’t even gave the other girls my time. Toni had been showin’ me she had layers. Kashmere—yeah, she was reckless, but she was fun as hell, and no matter what we was goin’ through, she stayed glued to me. It was just somethin’ about that fire and passion she had for me that told me she was down for me. I let them meet my parents, but I realized that I haven’t even took the time to meet their people. I was slippin’ and movin’ like a man that forgot he had options.
The ride felt long, but before I knew it, the SUV turned through my gates and the big-ass mansion was sittin’ in front of me again. I told the driver hold up and stayed in the backseatwith my phone and my thoughts. I cracked the window, rolled up a fat blunt right on a magazine, and sparked it. The smoke filled up the truck quick, and I just sat there blowin’ it slow, starin’ at my own house like it was lookin’ back at me.
