“Merry Christmas, Xavier.” We lay like that in silence for a couple of minutes, just enjoying the feeling of being in each other's presence. My hand is drawing patterns up and down the arm he has wrapped around my midsection. “I want to talk about last night,” he starts. My motions pause as I wait for him to continue. “I know I put you through a lot the last couple days, and I know I already apologized for that. I got scared, and I put distance between us. It was selfish, and it wasn’t fair to you.”I feel the deep breath he takes, and the air waves over my skin at his exhale. “Things were starting to get real for me, and at the time, I didn’t think that you could feel the same way. I didn’t deserve for you to feel the same way.” “Xavier. You deserve happiness too. And the feelings aren’t one sided.”“They aren’t?” It was barely a whisper, but I heard his response. I rolled over in his arms so that we were face to face. I cupped his cheek with my hand. A small smile forms on my lips, as I take in the vulnerable look that starts dancing in his ocean blue orbs. “No, I feel it too.” My thumb traces his jaw back and forth as I try to think of how to word it. “I’m not someone who falls easily, but when I do? I fell pretty hard. With the time we spent getting to know each other before Thanksgiving dinner, and everything I was learning about you, I began to fall a little more. I had to constantly remind myself that this was something that we agreed on, and nothing more. But I can’t keep denying this attraction that I feel toward you.”
More silence falls between us. His brows furrow as he takes in what I've said. Nerves swim inside me, wondering if I got this all wrong. Was this just for sex? Adding a little benefit in our mutual agreement? Then I rememberwhat he just said, and I remind myself that this man has scars, and I need to be patient.
“I don’t think we should be fake dating anymore.” My blood runs cold at his declaration. “What?” I squeak. My heartbeat begins to pick up as I move myself away from him. I sit up taking the blankets with me to cover my body, because we’re both still naked. Running a hand through my hair, I look away from him.
“Harps, where are you goi– oh God, no.” The mattress dips and covers shifts as he leaves the bed, and leaving the bed, and then, he’s right in front of me. My eyes shoot down to my lap. I can’t look at him now. He wants to end this whole thing. I knew it was something that would happen, but I thought after last night, we were starting something.
“Babydoll, look at me.” There’s a hint of desperation in his voice, but I can’t bring myself to look at him right now. He heaves a sigh, and then I see his hand slide over to grasp mine. I try to pull it away, but he grips me a bit tighter. “What I meant by that is I don’t think we should be fake dating anymore… because I want this to be real.”
My head whips up, mouth agape, as I stare at the beautiful man before me. His hair is ruffled with sleep, the slight indents on his face from where it rested on the pillow. His eyes, a deep blue shining with intensity to his confession. It takes me a few seconds to fully comprehend that he just told me he wants this to be real.
“You–” I shut my eyes and take a breath before opening them. “You want us to date? Like, for real?”
That damn slow smirk begins to form on his face. “Yeah Harps. I want to date–like for real.”
I don’t even think as I surge forward, pressing my lips to his. Nothing about it is urgent, but there was a solidification that happened with this kiss. Xavier pushes me on my back, rolling on top of me and settling between my legs. My hand trails up his body before resting around his neck.
We spent the next couple minutes making out like teenagers before breaking apart. Through heavy panting, I speak my mind. “We should probably get ready to meet with everyone for Christmas.”
Xavier groans as he buries his face in my neck. “You’re probably right.”
“If we don’t get up soon then my mom will come barging in here,” he grumbles. “And I’d rather her not.”
Just then, there’s a knock on the door, and I can’t help the giggle that leaves my mouth.
I’m taken out of my thoughts when Xavier asks me if I’m ready to give the hill another go.
“I think so, yeah! I actually think I’m good to try something a bit…more?” Sitting up straighter, I’m feeling confident. I want to challenge myself, and I think the small hill we have been doing was okay.
“You really think you’re ready for something more challenging?”
I sit there and contemplate for a minute. “I think so.” Trying to portray as much confidence as I feel, I keep my tone light. “I really think I’m getting the hang of this!” I stand up and hold out my hand for Xavier to grab. He downs the last of his drink before he gets up and takes my hand in his, leading the way out of the lodge.
The higher we get on the lift, the more I wonder if I made a mistake by asking to go to a bigger hill. I watch as other skiers and snowboarders make their way down the hill with ease. I’m entranced watching each person go down. Before I know it, Xavier is bumping me with his elbow, telling me that we’re at our stop and need to get ready to get off.
I watch as we approach the top of the hill. I prepare myself by pointing the tips of my skis up as Xavier lifts the bar on the chair. When my skis hit the hill and they become parallel with the ground, I push up and glide forward with the momentum of the chair. When we get a bit of the way up, I begin to slow down in a plow motion off to the side. Xavier saddles up beside me with a grin on his face.
“That was fantastic the way you got off the lift, babydoll.” My body hums at his praise and a matching smile spreads on my face.
See, you can do this Harps.
I follow him as he leads us to the part of the hill he wants us to go down. A spike of adrenaline washes over my body as we near the top. I never thought I would enjoy something like this, but doing this with him makes it such a great experience.
“Thank you for taking me skiing today, I’m really having the best day. I just wanted you to know.”
He’s silent for a minute while he looks down the hill, and when he turns to look at me, he gives me a soft smile. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”
There’s another emotion that washes over his face, but it’s gone before I can decipher what it is.
“Okay, I want you to go down first, and I’ll follow behind you. This way I can make sure that you’re not struggling or if you need help.”
I look down at the hill and take a deep breath. I nod. “Okay, sounds good!”
“Don’t forget to plow your skis if it gets too fast, Harper. This isn’t a race.” His tone is stern, and I just roll my eyes at him. I begin to push forward, but not before I stick my tongue out at him.
A laugh breaks free from me as I begin my descent down the hill. My speed picks up as I swerve my way back and forth, taking my time to avoid bumps or dips in the hill that might send me falling. My heart is beating fast as we begin to go near some trees. There is a clear path between two tree branches, and I can see beyond them that there is a path that goes in and out of the trees. On the other side of the trees, there is a clear path that sends us straight down.
Feeling confident with how my skiing has been going, I choose the tree-lined path to challenge myself a bit more. When I go through the first gap in the trees, I gasp out in triumph. I don’t get to fully celebrate when the next opening quickly appears. I focus on my movements allowing myself to safely veer between the trees.
