Heavy silence wraps around us, and it feels like we’re in a standoff. But in all reality? The fight is leaving my body, and a numbness is taking over. I can see in his body language where this is going to go. “Say it then.”
“It’s over. I’m going to stay with my parents until we work out the details of the house and getting my name off the lease. I’ll schedule a time next week for me to come and get the rest of my things.”
There isn’t anything I can do in this moment to change his mind.
“Okay.”
I’m standing in the kitchen with a bottle of wine and my largest wine glass sitting next to it. My glass is full as I bring it to my lips, but the smell hits me and I scrunch my nose up in distaste. This isn’t what I want. Staring off into oblivion, wondering when my life took this turn, and how the fuckI’m going to be single. I haven’t been fucking single since I was sixteen. Jesus Christ, what is dating life like? Ew, no. I can’t even think about that. Fuck relationships. I’m just gonna do me.
I lose track of time as I sit in the quiet, flipping through every emotion. When I snap out of it, I grumble a “fuck it.” I tip the glass back and chug the wine that I previously turned my nose up at. My body recoils reactively to the drink. The wine was definitely not what I wanted. I go to the fridge, looking for the blackberry cider that I prefer. Seeing that I still have a full six pack, I do an internal happy dance before grabbing it and storming for the patio. Slamming the door behind me, I head toward the porch swing but stall. Nope. I can’t sit there. Spinning on my heel, I walk down the stairs to sit by the fire pit.
The sky is starting to fade from day to early night; the blues turning into a mix of pinks, oranges and yellows as the sun begins its descent into the horizon. The crisp wind blows around me, reminding me that fall is approaching. I inhale the signature musty earth scent marking fall’s approach, and it starts to settle something deep inside me. Things might be shit right now, but a fire in the crisp autumn night might be enough to fix it. Quickly I set up the fire pit, layering the wood in a cabin like pattern before adding the kindling to the center. Sticking my hand into my pocket I remove the lighter I grabbed earlier from the kitchen, bringing the open flame to the center. I watch as the fire catches and the kindling begins to ignite. The heat slowly washes over my body as it begins to build.
The wood crackles under the blaze of orange and white. The pungent odor of new fire bleeds into my senses as it stokes higher. I crack open my can of cider. The crisp flavor settles into my tastes buds as I sit back and try to enjoy the fire.
A couple hours have passed and I’m staring into the smoldering flames, going over tonight in my head for the billionth time. “This is such bullshit,” I mutter to myself before bringing the can up to my lips. I tip my headback to finish off what’s left of the cider. Reaching down to grab another can, I realize that was the last one. “Fuck… even more bullshit!” I mutter as I toss the empty onto the soft grass. I’ll pick that up later. I can’t be bothered to do it now. I’m comfy and warm from the fire.
“Okay, what is bullshit? And I guess it’s a good thing I have these with me?” I startle at the noise and turn around to see my best friend in the entire world coming down the deck stairs, holding up two six packs of cider. I drunkenly smile at her.
“You’re my hero!” I slur. As I reach out for one of the pack, Evie stops and gives me a skeptical look while holding the cases back out of my reach. “Okay, what’s going on? Why are you drunk at.” she looks at her watch, “seven thirty p.m… and where is Dalton?”
I stare at her for a minute, wondering why my best friend is standing in front of me right now. I snort, “Honestly, I forgot you were coming over.” Then, I make grabby hands at one of the cases of cider she is currently holding hostage from me. I don’t drink like this. I like cider every once in a while, and the occasional glass of wine. I never drink to get drunk. I've never really liked the lack of control that comes with being drunk. “Tonight is bullshit. Running out of cider was bullshit. Dalton’s mother is bullshit. And most importantly…Daltonis fucking bullshit.” I finish with a drunken sneer as I make another pathetic attempt to get a can of cider from my best friend's iron grip. I know I’m going to feel like complete shit in the morning. But it’s not like I work tomorrow. And even if I did, I work from home, so I can look like a trash panda, and as long as I don’t have any video conferences, I’m golden. Perks of being a freelance book editor.
Fingers are snapped in front of my face, bringing me back to reality. Evie takes one good look at me and opens one of the cases. She proceeds to sit next to me. Looking over at me, she surveys me with caution. “Babes, are you okay? Why is Dalton bullshit?”
I look at her as tears begin to fill my eyes. “He left.” I choke the words out, my mouth going dry.
Evie’s eyes go wide, and she takes another big swig of the cider before replying. “Well,fuck.” She falls back into her seat and exhales slowly. I can tell by the look on her face that definitely wasn’t the response she was expecting. She was expecting me to tell her we had a stupid fight and now he’s out at the gym working out his frustrations.
“You’re going to have to start at the beginning and run it back to me. Because what thefuck,man.” Evie sits up and bends her leg, allowing her body to face me. She reaches out, offering me her hand for comfort, which I immediately take. I lace our fingers together. Evie has been my rock since fourth grade. Betty Rogers pushed me down during recess because I was taking too long to go up the ladder of the slide. Evie went up to her and decked her right in the face. From then on, we were inseparable. She’s heard about all my ups and downs. All the fights I’ve had with Dalton over the last eight years. She was there for me when my dad left my mom, and then when I didn’t hear from him until I was twenty and he needed money. She is my ride or die, the person I’d call if I needed to hide a body. I would take a bullet for her, as she would for me. So it didn’t take me long at all to decide whether or not I’d tell her. I look at our hands twined together before I take a deep breath and start from the beginning.
Chapter Two
Harper
“Whatintheeverlovingfuckis wrong with that guy? This doesn’t add up. Therehasto be more to this story. He is holding back on some shit. There’s no way the shitty relationship you have with the witch has anything to do with this. If that was the case, you guys would have ended things a long time ago.'' Evie’s walking around the fireplace now, and she’s pissed. I don’t think I’ve seen her this mad since Betty Rogers, and that’s saying something.
“I don’t know, Evie. You might be right, but honestly, I’m just exhausted. My brain hurts from overthinking. I’ve gone over the last couple months in my mind, and I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary. This morning when I went in for a kiss, he redirected me, but it didn’t really stand out that much…I don’t know,” I sigh and rub my eyes. I’m ready to crawl into my bed, turn on some Netflix and pass out with background noise so my mind doesn’t wander, even asleep. As if reading my mind, Evie gets up, puts the fire out, and stands in front of me.
“Come on. Up. Let’s go to bed. We will put on trashy TV until we pass out. In the morning we will go get the greasiest breakfast ever and then have a besties day.” She smiles softly at me as I stand and wrap my arms around her, hiding my face in her neck.
“What would I do without you?” I sigh.
She wraps her arms around me and laughs. “Crash and burn, bitch.” I smile to myself before I pull away from her and stumble into the house.
I don’t know when or how I make it to my bed, but I do. I decide to stay curled up on my side as Evie and I yell at the TV.
“I can’t believe how realistic that toy elephant cake was!” I say in disbelief.
This is exactly what I needed. Laying in bed, with my best friend, watching a show about cake. My eyelids start to get heavy, and I snuggle down into my comforter. Today was an absolute shit show, and it was definitely in the top five worst days of my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do, and I know for sure I haven’t even begun to process this shit inside my brain. I most definitely haven’t even acknowledged the bludgeoned organ that is currently sitting beaten and bruised in my chest where my heart once was. I just. I can’t. My heartbeat starts to pick up, fixating on everything that I need to get sorted out. I need to figure out my finances to make sure I can still afford to live here on my own, and go through literally everything in this house and purge everything that is Dalton from this house. What am I going to tell my mom? ShelovedDalton. I know exactly how that conversation will go. I’ll tell her we broke up, and then I’ll be the one consoling her about it. And then.
“Whoa now. I’m going to need you to take a breath, babes.” Evie chimes in, effectively shutting out my brewing panic attack. I snap my eyes to her, before I nod my head then take a deep breath as she continues. “Whatever is going on in that beautiful brain of yours needs to cut it out. We got this. I’m here, and I will be here through it all. You’re not alone. You hear me? You. Are. Not. Alone.” Reaching over Evie’s fingers lace with mine and she brings it to her chest, holding it close. Her eyes don’t leave mine, the intensity of her hazel eyes tells me all I need to know.
“You are my person Harps. I got you, okay?” Tears brim my eyes as I quickly nod my head. I wipe away the tear that escaped and give a soft laugh.
“Gods, when did I become such a cry baby?” I sniffle and look my friend in the eye. “I seriously don’t know what I would do without you. I love you to bits.” She smiles at me then wipes her own eyes. And it’s then that I realize that her eyes are glossy too.
“I love you too, Harps. Now sleep. We have some greasy food calling our name when we wake up.” I give her one last laugh and then I roll ontomy stomach and get comfy. It only takes a minute before sleep envelopes me and takes me away.
