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About twenty minutes later, Edward found her. ‘Shall we make a move?’ he asked.

Anna nodded. She knew she had to say something to Steve before they left. To clear the air. While Edward rallied the boys, Anna sought him out. She was relieved to see that he was standing alone.

‘Hi,’ she said.

‘Hi, Anna.’

‘I forgot that you were sort of connected to Nia.’

‘Strictly parties only,’ Steve said, and his voice was soft.

Anna looked at him, really took him in. With anyone else, she would have been scared to make eye contact for so long. She wasn’t even sure she would do it with Edward, and that struck her as painfully sad. She had missed Steve, in every sense. Missed seeing him, missed out on being with him.

Chloe appeared from somewhere and put an arm around his waist.

‘Hi, I’m Chloe,’ she said.

‘I’m Anna,’ she said. ‘Old friend of Steve’s. From years ago.’

‘A different life,’ Steve said.

And Anna nodded and said her goodbyes, because Edward was standing by the door looking at his watch, and she thought she might cry.

On the walk home, Sam did a silly impression of a little boy who’d been at the party and it made them all laugh. Edward suggested they order a Chinese for dinner, and when Anna raised her eyebrows, he smiled.

‘What? You can’t expect us to get by on a bit of bread and cheese.’

‘Please, Mum?’ Sam asked, looking up at her. ‘I’ll share duck pancakes with you.’

‘Okay,’ she said, holding up her hands as if in surrender.

They had their traditions. Whenever they ordered Chinese, she and Sam had duck pancakes and Thomas and Edward had spring rolls. They would eat it in the living room in front of an American sitcom. And afterwards, the boys would go to their rooms and Edward would put on some music and they would talk. And she wasn’t sure whether it was enough, but for now, it was what she had.

31

NO

Friday 5 June 2015

Sarah stood with her hands on her hips, looking around.

‘This place is gorgeous,’ she said.

Anna smiled. She loved the flat she and Ben had bought together. It was part of a Victorian terrace, and none of the walls were straight, as she’d discovered when tiling and wallpapering. But the way the light flooded through the front windows in the afternoon was breathtaking, and there was a small, square garden that she liked to sit in on warm evenings, and they’d filled the rooms with colour and art. It had made her wonder why she’d never put this kind of love into any other home she’d lived in. She thought it was connected to her state of mind. She was happy and in love, and she wanted to reflect that in her surroundings.

‘Thank you. We love it.’

Sarah was over from New York for a week and Anna was so happy to see her. At the airport, they had hugged for a long time and Anna had found it difficult to let go. They caught upregularly on the phone, but she hadn’t seen her friend, hadn’t been in the same room as her, for years. Everything about Sarah was comforting, her smell, her smile. And now she was in Anna’s home, the home from which Anna had called her at least once a month since she’d moved in, and it felt wonderful.

‘What do you want to do?’ Anna asked. ‘Do you want to sleep?’

‘No, I need to get on London time. But I don’t think I’m up for anything too full-on until tomorrow. Can we just catch up, have dinner here?’

‘Of course.’

‘Oh, I have a book for you,’ Anna said, picking it up off the coffee table and handing it to Sarah. ‘I might have told you about it. I worked on it last year and just fell in love with it, but I don’t think it was published over in the States. It’s so good on friendship and deciding whether or not to have children, and I knew I had to get copies for you and Nia.’

‘Thank you. You know, when we met I was so sure I wouldn’t have children but I thought you would, despite what you said. Do you ever regret it?’