‘About six months.’
It hurt more than it should have done. It was ridiculous. She had taken Edward back, told Steve nothing could happen. It was all her. She’d known he would move on. It would have been ridiculously selfish to hope he wouldn’t. But she hadn’t known how it would feel when he did.
‘How’s Luke?’
‘He’s great. I just miss him so much when he’s with Theresa. What about your two?’
‘All good, thanks. Thomas is learning to play the recorder, so that’s a delight. And Sam is just… well, you know Sam.’
‘I do.’ Steve nodded and then tilted his head. ‘Where’s Edward?’
Anna thought about making up an excuse and then decided against it.
‘He was here but then we had an argument about Sam being bullied and he stormed off.’
‘Oh.’
She’d made him uncomfortable. He was just so easy to talk to. She wondered whether other people found that, whether he was always having to listen to everyone’s secrets and difficult truths, or whether it was something particular to her, to them.
‘Sorry.’
Steve shrugged. ‘Don’t be sorry. What’s going on with Sam?’
‘Are you sure you want to hear about that? At a party?’
He shrugged again. ‘Sure. If you want to tell me?’
‘What would you do if Luke was crying every night about a boy in his class pushing him and saying he was smelly or stupid or whatever?’
‘I’d talk to his teacher, or the head, or whoever.’
‘And what if you did that, and it just kept going on?’
‘I’d keep trying.’
Anna nodded. He’d keep trying. She felt suddenly close to tears, and wasn’t sure if it was the gin she’d been drinking all evening or the fact that this man seemed to be more closely aligned with her on the parenting of her sons than her husband.
And then she decided to say something, knowing that it was dangerous.
‘It could have been us, here at this party together, if I hadn’t pushed you away, couldn’t it?’
Steve looked at her with an expression that was all kindness. Was it pity? She’d said too much. She wouldn’t have said it if she hadn’t been drinking.
‘Anna…’ he said.
But she couldn’t wait to hear what he was going to say. There was no answer that would help her. She turned and fled. Left the party without picking up her jacket or saying goodbye to Nia. Just walked away and kept on walking.
21
NO
Saturday 5 June 2010
‘Do you feel like you’ve settled back in?’ Sarah asked.
Anna thought about that. It was a Saturday afternoon and she was walking on Tooting Common, coffee in one hand and phone in the other.
‘I do, yes. It took a while. You know it took me ages to find a flat and that things were different at work, but I’m there, I think.’
