Anna burst out laughing. What else could she do? Jamie laughed too then, and it took some of the embarrassment away.
‘What did you tell her?’ Anna asked.
‘I said that maybe we should leave your love life to you. She was in a mood about it for days.’
‘I’m not in love with you,’ Anna said.
It was true. She had been, once. Or at least, she’d been in love with the idea of him. But now there was David, and he was real and solid and when he touched her, she felt entirely alive, and also like she might die.
‘I know,’ Jamie said, and there was a genuine kindness in his voice. ‘I know you’re not, Anna. But I just wanted to apologise, again, for not calling, for being twenty-two and a bit of a shit.’
‘You said you lost my number!’
Jamie reddened slightly. ‘I did, I did lose your number. But even if I hadn’t, and I’d called, I would have ended up being a shit at some point. We were so young.’
It was the first time he’d suggested the idea of anything more happening between them, and it made Anna a little uncomfortable.
‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘Look, you’re with Nia, and she’s happy, and you have Cara. I’m so pleased about all of that. Honestly, you don’t need to apologise.’
‘Well, I think I did. But thanks for being so good about it.’ He pushed his plate to one side, finished. ‘Now, I hear you like dessert?’
18
YES
Friday 5 June 2009
‘I think I’ll hear today, about the job,’ Anna said.
Edward looked up from his toast. ‘Let me know,’ he said.
Ellie, who’d started as a publicist alongside Anna almost a decade ago, had moved to another publisher, and Anna had applied for her role. It was a bit of a stretch, given that Ellie had been promoted a couple of times while Anna had stayed where she was, but she knew she could do it. Both boys were at school now, and she felt like it was time to give her career a much-needed boost.
Anna was distracted as she walked Thomas and Sam to school for breakfast club; she was distracted as she caught the Tube to the office – she couldn’t settle to the paperback in her bag or theMetro. When she’d booted up her computer and got herself a coffee, she sat down at her desk and settled in for a long day of waiting. But as it turned out, she didn’t have to wait at all. Deborah walked past her desk and asked her to come in at exactly five past nine, and Anna followed her, hoping this wasgoing to be a day that she’d look back on, as one on which her life had changed for the better.
Deborah ushered Anna into a small meeting room, the same room where the interview had been held. She waited for Anna to sit down, and then she started to speak.
‘Thanks, Anna. I’m always keen to promote from within, so I’ve thought about this appointment long and hard. But I’m sorry to say that, on this occasion, we’ve gone with someone from outside the company.’
Anna felt as if she’d been punched. The interview had gone well, she’d thought, with none of those moments you look back on later and feel annoyed about. And she could do the job, she knew she could. All she needed was to be given a chance.
‘We really appreciate your role in the team,’ Deborah was saying, ‘and we hope you’ll be with us for many years…’
‘Is it because I’m older?’ Anna asked.
Deborah looked taken aback. It was as if she’d had this speech planned, and hadn’t anticipated any interruptions.
‘I can assure you, age doesn’t come into it,’ she stammered.
‘Or because I have children?’ Anna pressed.
Deborah didn’t have children. She was in her fifties and single. She liked to say that she was married to her job. The publicists she hired never had children either. Like Anna hadn’t, when Deborah had hired her.
‘Absolutely not,’ Deborah said firmly. ‘Look, I know this is a disappointment and I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I won’t stand for accusations like that.’
‘How old is the person you’re hiring?’ Anna asked. She knew she should stop, should say thank you and walk out meekly and get back to the job she still had, but something was pushing her onwards, making her ask the questions that she would normally keep inside.
‘I don’t see why that is relevant,’ Deborah asked.
